Baby announcement gone wrong

[GAZ0188]

We have just had our 1st scan and told the inlaws last night. To say this was a disaster, was an understatement.

We live in a very small town where childcare places with child minders are few and far between. At 5 weeks approx. I asked a child minder at a baby group (very quietly, explained no one knew) if I could have a space in which she agreed. 2 days later she seen MIL at another group and said how nice it was she was going to be a granny again (fuming was an understatement) anyway, partner shrugged it off, said it was someone else in town with the same name.

My cleaner came in a few weeks ago and found me over the toilet, spewing my load, and my ginger nuts and maternity documents on the table that I hadn't had time to move. Also doesn't take a genius to work this out.

Yesterday we got home, told them we had a present for FILs bday and put a t-shirt on our little boy announcing is. He walked into the livingroom and we got absolutely no reaction whatsoever. All we got was "well we already knew as the chuldminder and cleaner told us" from the MIL, all whilst she was sitting on my sofa, with a face like a smacked a...e... looking like she'd just stopped crying before walking into my house. To say I was fuming, was an understatement. Instead of "how have you been keeping" i got a full on interigation of how both the child minder and cleaner knew and then they proceeded to tell us how sad they were that they weren't the first to know and they thought more of us basically.

I grabbed my son, went to the bathroom and run him a bath and bathed him in there until they left. I could not bare to look at them. When they left, my partner messaged them explaining how they both knew and saying thanks for asking how she was. They've looked but still no reply.

Iv woke up this morning and I am STILL fuming. What is meant to be a happy moment has been taken away by their "poor me" reaction and now I never want to see their faces again for a very long time. Growing up in my family, I was pushed aside by my own mother and got completely rejected when my sister came along and this was my biggest fear of this happening with a 2nd child and now this has completely conveyed my fears of this happening again, albeit it won't be by its parents this time..

I have no idea how to navigate from this. I feel like cutting them off for a long time. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated...

You are all massively OTT.

The whole thing sounds really nuts from both sides.
You immediately grabbed your son and hid in the bathroom until your in-laws left because your pregnancy wasn’t a surprise?

It’s a really extreme reaction that you have jumped to cutting off your partner’s parents based on this interaction to be honest. I’m really not following your logic on this.

I can see why you’re cross, but I can also kind of see why they are cross. Are they normally like this, would you accept an apology?

I can understand being a little bit flattened by not being able to make an announcement in the way you wanted, and the way you’ve described it does make them sound a bit arsey, but honestly just let it go. It’s not worth the drama, just move on.

Maybe message and explain what you have said here.

Childminder was aware because we were enquiring about waiting lists. Cleaner caught me as described.

We are horrified that both of these women have betrayed their professional confidences as it has entirely spoilt the special family celebration of our good news for both you and us.

The whole situation sounds batshit. You're annoyed because they already knew but you knew they had been told so I'm not sure what you were expecting them to say?

Also why did you lie when they told you about what the childminder had said, they're not stupid why were you not honest at the time? The lying, hiding in the bathroom and threatening to cut them off all seems very immature.

Assuming this is true, it's batshit

Is there normally a lot of high expressed emotion in your family?

Your pils are being bonkers. With my second, my neighbours knew before family, due to circumstances (bumped into one at the midwives office, she was due a few weeks before me, and the other worked it out after I turned down a glass of wine for the third time at a bbq) plus my Aunt worked it out when I turned down champagne. Having a baby should be happy news.

They were hurt which fuelled their reaction.

I would probably be hurt if 2 separate people told me about my DIL being pregnant too tbh.

Your reaction is also being fuelled by hurt that they didn't react perfectly in the moment too.

The people actually at fault were the childminder (it was stupid to try book a childminder at 5 weeks pregnant imo, nothing is binding and she will do what is best for her business until money comes into play) and the cleaner, who should have more professional discretion.

Calm down, the fall out isn't worth it. You never got your perfect announcement, but neither did they.

Who cares. Be grateful for the important things - baby’s and your health. They’re not a given. Your growing family unit.

How to navigate them? You rise above and realise it’s their choice to be arsey if they want to. They won’t ruin your happinness any longer. You’re an adult and if they want to act like hurt babies that’s their choice. You’re better than that and can show your kids that. Trust me, if you can do this, your MIL will see it.

Absolutely. MIL is a total narcissist and manipulator

I agree with what has been said. So if they don't dance to your tune, they get your child withdrawn? Lovely behaviour on your FILs birthday. Them being the third to know, isn't a birthday present. When the childminder slipped up, their son should have been honest. You have a lot of stuff left over from your childhood, that isn't their fault.

You all need to calm down. It’s a miscommunication, these things happen. This is a happy time, just talk it over and move on without the drama.

I don't think they are the manipulative ones to be honest. You've basically said they didn't respond in the way you wanted them to so now they won't be able to see their grandchildren, that's the very definition of manipulative...

Your PIL are rude. They should not have behaved like that.
But you also sound like you're really not coping with some of the past issues that parenting has brought up for you. Perhaps time to seek therapy before baby 2 is here?

This is quite hard to argue with really.

The ones you should really ne annoyed wjth are your cleaner and childminder!!

I would be reminding your cleaner that anything she sees in your house is not to be shared. It’s perfectly normal to not want to tell anyone until you are 12 weeks she over stepped by gossiping about it.

I get your in laws would have preferred to find out first but FFS they could have put a face on it, it’s still lovely news!

What has you being rejected as a child got to do with their reaction? They sound a bit much, and their reaction was OTT, but the whole child walking in with a t-shirt is a massive fuss to make on someone else’s birthday, you had a massive reaction to this not going as planned either.

All of you sound the same, tbh,

Why are you not angry with the childminder and the cleaner? I'd be furious with them! Presumably their indiscretion means LOADS of people, including possibly your employers? Your first child? could now find out?

I can’t actually see why anyone would be cross.

This.I’m not sure why you lied and said it was someone else. You should have just been honest then and been rightly annoyed at the childminder.

That’s your reply to all the comments so far 😂

I think you're directing your anger at entirely the wrong people.

Your in laws were hurt and overreacted, humans do that sometimes. You've done exactly the same thing yourself, wanting to cut them off over something so silly? Massive overreaction.

You should be furious with the childminder and cleaner for gossiping about your private medical information without your consent.