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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Baby announcement gone wrong

458 replies

GAZ0188 · 18/01/2025 07:35

We have just had our 1st scan and told the inlaws last night. To say this was a disaster, was an understatement.

We live in a very small town where childcare places with child minders are few and far between. At 5 weeks approx. I asked a child minder at a baby group (very quietly, explained no one knew) if I could have a space in which she agreed. 2 days later she seen MIL at another group and said how nice it was she was going to be a granny again (fuming was an understatement) anyway, partner shrugged it off, said it was someone else in town with the same name.

My cleaner came in a few weeks ago and found me over the toilet, spewing my load, and my ginger nuts and maternity documents on the table that I hadn't had time to move. Also doesn't take a genius to work this out.

Yesterday we got home, told them we had a present for FILs bday and put a t-shirt on our little boy announcing is. He walked into the livingroom and we got absolutely no reaction whatsoever. All we got was "well we already knew as the chuldminder and cleaner told us" from the MIL, all whilst she was sitting on my sofa, with a face like a smacked a...e... looking like she'd just stopped crying before walking into my house. To say I was fuming, was an understatement. Instead of "how have you been keeping" i got a full on interigation of how both the child minder and cleaner knew and then they proceeded to tell us how sad they were that they weren't the first to know and they thought more of us basically.

I grabbed my son, went to the bathroom and run him a bath and bathed him in there until they left. I could not bare to look at them. When they left, my partner messaged them explaining how they both knew and saying thanks for asking how she was. They've looked but still no reply.

Iv woke up this morning and I am STILL fuming. What is meant to be a happy moment has been taken away by their "poor me" reaction and now I never want to see their faces again for a very long time. Growing up in my family, I was pushed aside by my own mother and got completely rejected when my sister came along and this was my biggest fear of this happening with a 2nd child and now this has completely conveyed my fears of this happening again, albeit it won't be by its parents this time..

I have no idea how to navigate from this. I feel like cutting them off for a long time. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated...

OP posts:
Oioisavaloy27 · 18/01/2025 19:10

Marcosjob · 18/01/2025 19:02

I don’t know why OP is being ‘attacked’ she’s perfectly within her rights to keep her baby quiet until she’s ready. The childminder and cleaner had no right to tell anyone so I’d be sacking both. Ignore the PIL they’ll get over it. I can understand you feeling disappointed but it will blow over, enjoy your pregnancy with your family.

Gee whizz!!! It's the lies that we're told telling the in laws that she wasn't pregnant when they had already been told by me there people that she was pregnant!

Marcosjob · 18/01/2025 23:04

She was put on the spot after finding out her cleaner and childminder had gone behind her back and spread her news. I wouldn’t call it lying, more like shock and needing to bide her time to decide what to say. It’s her news to share when and how she wants to, anyone sulking about that needs to get a life.

Gemmawemma9 · 18/01/2025 23:16

Nah I’m with you OP. They’ve made it all about them. Pathetic, and shows how much they care about you and their grandkids. I wouldn’t want to spend any time with them either. Self centred nobs.

LittleBearPad · 19/01/2025 08:52

Marcosjob · 18/01/2025 23:04

She was put on the spot after finding out her cleaner and childminder had gone behind her back and spread her news. I wouldn’t call it lying, more like shock and needing to bide her time to decide what to say. It’s her news to share when and how she wants to, anyone sulking about that needs to get a life.

The husband lied to his mother. It was a ridiculous lie too

A village where no one has any boundaries and where you have to phone the childminder to book in the unborn baby whilst holding your positive pregnancy test Hmm is not going to suddenly have two women in with the same name that MIL doesn't know.

It was a stupid lie and insulted MIL's intelligence.

BIossomtoes · 19/01/2025 09:37

It’s amazing the mental gymnastics MN will go through to support an OP who’s clearly in the wrong when a mil is involved.

andHelenknowsimmiserablenow · 19/01/2025 09:43

LittleBearPad · 19/01/2025 08:52

The husband lied to his mother. It was a ridiculous lie too

A village where no one has any boundaries and where you have to phone the childminder to book in the unborn baby whilst holding your positive pregnancy test Hmm is not going to suddenly have two women in with the same name that MIL doesn't know.

It was a stupid lie and insulted MIL's intelligence.

I agree. OP should be livid with the childminder and the cleaner, and her DH should apologise to his DM for lying.

Zippitydoodaa · 19/01/2025 09:48

Imagine, in years to come, you find out from someone else your daughter or husbands wife is having a baby, from someone else . I think I would be a little but hurt .

heroinechic · 19/01/2025 10:19

There are certain things in life which are pretty universally accepted as things that people might not want to share with everyone until a certain date, if at all. A pregnancy, an IVF attempt, a driving test, a big job interview etc. If you ask someone if they're doing any of these things, and they say "no" when the truth is "yes" I don't think it's fair to be cross with them for "lying".

It's OP and her partner's news to share when they are ready. I'd understand all this a bit more if they'd kept it from the PIL until 30 odd weeks after they'd already had a gender reveal, baby shower etc. but the only person that was told was the childminder for childcare reasons.

I'm pretty gobsmacked that anyone is suggesting OP should apologise to a woman who when told of a pregnancy couldn't even crack a smile.

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