My partners cousin is obsessed with my baby

[Mummyme12345]

I’m not sure if this is a red flag or I’m being over sensitive here… my OH cousin is obsessed with my daughter. My daughter is 1 YO and is a dream to have… not to brag but she hardly cries and sleeps though the night and in general a happy healthy baby.

she has my LO quite a lot when I am at work or have breaks to see friends and so on.

things have been said recently, such as…”when you die she will be my baby” and “I’m scared to have a baby just in case I don’t love her as much as I love her” aswell as “I don’t want my own baby I want this one”. the worst was “it makes me upset that you are her mum and I’m not”

these comments have been said over the course of a few months. The rest of the family are justifying these comments saying she loves her so much and I should be happy she has someone else who loves her like their own and that the comments are harmless.

Myself and my OH are having her christened next month and she has made comments to family members that she should be a god mum and feels entitled to be so.

she has a lot to say about who has my LO and when… she has recently offered to have her overnight so that nobody else can have her. She’s becoming jealous of mine and my daughter’s relationship and my daughter’s relationship to my friends and family. She gets upset when I allow my friends and family to look after her and will cause drama so that they don’t want to watch my little one because it’s “not worth it the drama that comes with it”

my OH thinks it’s strange behaviour but we are not sure how to go about it.

just some advise please it’s keeping me up at night.

What do you say to her when she makes these odd remarks? Do you challenge her about them?
I think I would be making other child care arrangements and cutting down drastically on the contact she has with your baby.

She wouldn't be alone with my baby in that situation.

OP, you need to set boundaries with her & sort out other care arrangements. It is unhealthy the way she is talking about Your little one and frankly a little concerning. Start keeping her at arms distance & from now on pull her up on her weird comments. If she is creating drama over others spending time with your little one now then it will only get worse. Please protect your little one from such an unhealthy attachment.

@Slinkyminky22 When questioned about this by her about why she can’t be alone with baby what do I say? My OH family are like a pack of wolves… as soon as I make my feelings known I’m being silly and the whole family turns on me

“You’re being weird again Beryl. Pack it in or I’ll have to start limiting your time with her”.

In all seriousness could she be mentally ill?

She needs some serious therapy 😳

@Joyfulspringflowers I try to stop the comments but then I’m told I’m being silly and that it’s my hormones playing tricks on me.

Your partner needs to take the lead here and be firm. This is seriously fucking weird. Just start making your own arrangements, you don’t have to explain every little detail of your schedule to his family. Tell him he needs to keep them in check.

She sounds like a creature.

Sorry I am new to this and it’s my first post. How to I reply to peoples replies? And not tag them

No it certainly doesn't but would explain the strange behaviour and fixation.
I'd definitely be putting distance between the baby and the obsessive cousin.

I would be honest and say her comments make you uncomfortable, or whatever else you want to say! She clearly gives no f's about your feelings, I wouldn't mince my words.

You also don't owe anyone else an explanation but if you do want to say something, you can be honest. You're not comfortable with the way she behaves.

You don't let her look after your DC.

You're the parent

You can quote people to reply to them

Use the @buttonand scroll who you.
Use the @ icon and scroll who you want to reply to

Thank you 🙏🏼

You need to put a stop to it as soon as possible.

And I agree with a PP, if other family members ask, tell them the truth.

Or better still, just stop discussing it with them.

I think I'd deal with it on a case by case basis,
”when you die she will be my baby" respond that you're not going anywhere.
“I’m scared to have a baby just in case I don’t love her as much as I love her” respond, don't be daft!
“I don’t want my own baby I want this one” respond that she's not having her.
“it makes me upset that you are her mum and I’m not” respond that she'd better get used to it!

How old is she? Does she work? Does she have a partner?

I think she’s quite a jealous person and is the only girl in the family, so seems to get her own way a lot. My LO is the first baby in the family for 16 years so I’ve never seen this side of her.

This op is only a problem if your dh allows it to be a problem.

I 110% wouldn't be letting her have unsupervised time with baby and I'd really be stepping back the amount of time she's spending with your baby those comments and behaviours are absolutely not normal or acceptable.

I think you need to sit down with your dh and tell him very clearly that you don't know what's going on with his cousin but you feel deeply uneasy about these comments (and clarify to him which ones) and tell them that you no longer feel comfortable with her babysitting and that you are concerned about the family backlash so you need his support and to know he'll have your back with this. And then he needs to step up.

If she becomes difficult about it I'd tell her very directly that she's made a number of comments now that have undermined you and made you both feel uncomfortable so this is the decision you've both taken. Don't get drawn into any other debate about it. If his family kick off then that is a dh problem usually solved with a very clear "This is a joint decision you will not speak badly about my wife. Cousins comments have been unacceptable end of. "

Maybe she really wants her own children and isn't in the position to, but those comments are really out of line.

Yes this is how I generally respond, but it seems to be taken as a joke or banter… she doesn’t seem to be getting the message 😩 my OH mentioned to her mum that she’s getting too much but it all gets turned to me being a sensitive sally so I’m abit stuck

Hi, I’ll be straight up. Please, don’t feel obliged that you must keep contact with this woman. You just maintain the relationship with you and your child and not allow another person who’s not the child’s parent to ever get in the way. Never allow another person to try and imprint the motherly instinct on your child. Tbh if it were me in your position. I’d cut contact, I wouldn’t even let her around my house, avoid his side of the family functions etc… and if she ever turns up. Don’t answer the door and tell her you’ve got flu and in the future make it well known that you’re keeping yourself to yourself. Your busy. You’ve got plans with people she doesn’t know. You’ll be in touch as and when you feel it’s necessary. Please Read up the stories about limiting people around your babies. You are not, what so ever, obliged to
let anyone hold, touch, kiss or even be around your baby. That emotional bond needs to be maintained between you and your partner. You only get this time once. You don’t get to do it all over again. Cut all contact and make it well aware to her that her actions and comments are bang out of order. If she comes knocking etc… ring the police for harassment. That’s how weird she’s being from what I’ve read. I’d definitely, definitively not want a sick weirdo like that around my child. Hope you get it resolved and do the right thing, what’s best for you and your family. I wish you the best of luck. Kind Regards.

How would your OH feel about cutting, or at least reducing, contact with this cousin? It sounds like he understands that it upsets you, is he willing to take any action to support you?