Page 15 | My partners cousin is obsessed with my baby

ScartlettSole · 19/01/2025 19:14

Oft this is giving "Hand that rocks the cradle" vibes

Cherrysoup · 19/01/2025 20:50

Excellent update, OP. I don’t agree with pp saying having a family member to look after your child is so great when they make remarks such as the cousin has. Terrifying, frankly!

Diblin93 · 20/01/2025 03:01

Show this thread to your OH so he can see all of these comments. Might strengthen his resolve regards the boundaries he’s going to have to set with his family.

Areolaborealis · 20/01/2025 07:06

Peoples language and way of expressing affection towards babies can be odd at the best of times eg: "I could eat her up" or "I'm going to take you home with me". She might be caught up in the moment, a bit socially clumsy and not realise how creepy it sounds. I would point it out to her on a case by case basis as @Oodiks suggested above.

This thread made me remember when I once accidently referred to myself as "mummy" when cuddling a friends baby - I was mortified! I don't know what happened! I didn't have kids of my own at the time but I honestly I didn't want her baby. My only explanation is that it must have triggered some sort of deep maternal instinct and my mouth engaged before my brain. I still remember the look on her face.

MaryWhitehouseExperienced · 20/01/2025 08:49

DBD1975 · 17/01/2025 18:19

In your opinion not mine.
It has suited the OP to use the cousin for childcare and now it doesn't, not a nice way to treat people in my opinion. The cousin is emotionally vulnerable, she is not some axe wielding manic, she has invested in the baby and been allowed to do so to suit the OP, she deserves to be treated with kindness, not vilified.

Show quote history

There is real truth in this post. The cousin must have done a really good job of taking care of the baby up to now and I wonder if the baby adores her (babies seem to really love young people and can tell the difference between the very young and older from very early on).

Could it be that op is making a meal of throwaway comments and behaviours, talking them up into something more sinister? If not, when did things suddenly change as the 19 year old must have done a fantastic job for op to use her "services" so often.

MaryWhitehouseExperienced · 20/01/2025 08:55

Areolaborealis · 20/01/2025 07:06

Peoples language and way of expressing affection towards babies can be odd at the best of times eg: "I could eat her up" or "I'm going to take you home with me". She might be caught up in the moment, a bit socially clumsy and not realise how creepy it sounds. I would point it out to her on a case by case basis as @Oodiks suggested above.

This thread made me remember when I once accidently referred to myself as "mummy" when cuddling a friends baby - I was mortified! I don't know what happened! I didn't have kids of my own at the time but I honestly I didn't want her baby. My only explanation is that it must have triggered some sort of deep maternal instinct and my mouth engaged before my brain. I still remember the look on her face.

I did this once. I was helping my friend's daughter with something and found myself saying to the service provider: "Can you please help my daughter to...." I think it was because they had assumed she was my daughter and it was probably easier to go along with that rather than offer a long explanation. Thank goodness my friend wasn't there to witness it or she might have thought I was trying to steal her child!

Fletchersgran · 20/01/2025 09:59

Next time she wanted to babysit I would tell her no. " She is getting confused and unsettled so I'm going to spend the time bonding with her again . You have been amazing with her ,but she needs to spend more time with me. Maybe once she gets a little bit older you can have her again ?" Then you don't need to mention it again.

HoolieJem · 20/01/2025 10:10

Sillyname63 · 19/01/2025 16:46

When they come back is "it's Your hormones" I would reply " There is nothing wrong with MY hormones thank you, but hers/yours are obviously all over the place"
when they say you are being Sensitive I would say I think you will find that anyone who hears these stupid comments from Your daughter / niece would start to question that person's mental health. These comments are not normal. Put it back on them. Whenever you feel the comments are getting too much I would keep saying about her mental health.
How old is she?
I would rethink the christening for the moment tbh if you haven't made any firm arrangements. Then distance yourself from her and anyone who queries it say
I think she is obviously going through some mental health problems with the comments she has been saying.
You sound as if you have child care help from others, I would use them more and if you can't go out because you don't have any care , so be it.

Also a christening doesn't have to be a huge event. The ceremony is usually done as part of the service on a Sunday, depending on your own faith of course. You could keep it quiet and when she finds out just say it was parents, grandparents and godparents only. Either way if you're surrounded by lots of other people she can't do anything.

SnozPoz · 20/01/2025 10:50

You need to stop worrying about what other people think and put your baby's needs and safety first. When you become parent you have that responsibility towards your child. There are so many red flags here that I would not be allowing her any contact with my baby tbh. Your husband needs to be 100% with you on this. "When you die...the baby will be mine" would worry me that she had plans to kill me. People show you who they are. Believe her. If need be write down what she says and when she says it every time she says something weird. A list in black and white might be more convincing to the rest of the family if you really feel like you need "evidence"

Sapphireblueeyes · 20/01/2025 12:04

I’m glad that hubby is doing his bit and you are going to put on a united front.
His cousin would scare the pants off me and keep me awake at night too she sounds unhinged tbh.
His cousin, his family, and they need to back off pronto.
She’s your baby not theirs and you can say or do what you want! If and when cousin has her own baby then they can interfere.
You sound like a wonderful mum and I’m also jealous of your wonderful sleeping at nights baby daughter! 💤 👶
Good Luck going forward to you and your little gorgeous family 💐

Lisajacj70 · 20/01/2025 12:38

No, but it could be a REASON for the behaviour and would certainly affect the approach I took when approaching the subject with her.

Katej82 · 22/01/2025 12:54

Mummyme12345 · 17/01/2025 00:20

I’m not sure if this is a red flag or I’m being over sensitive here… my OH cousin is obsessed with my daughter. My daughter is 1 YO and is a dream to have… not to brag but she hardly cries and sleeps though the night and in general a happy healthy baby.

she has my LO quite a lot when I am at work or have breaks to see friends and so on.

things have been said recently, such as…”when you die she will be my baby” and “I’m scared to have a baby just in case I don’t love her as much as I love her” aswell as “I don’t want my own baby I want this one”. the worst was “it makes me upset that you are her mum and I’m not”

these comments have been said over the course of a few months. The rest of the family are justifying these comments saying she loves her so much and I should be happy she has someone else who loves her like their own and that the comments are harmless.

Myself and my OH are having her christened next month and she has made comments to family members that she should be a god mum and feels entitled to be so.

she has a lot to say about who has my LO and when… she has recently offered to have her overnight so that nobody else can have her. She’s becoming jealous of mine and my daughter’s relationship and my daughter’s relationship to my friends and family. She gets upset when I allow my friends and family to look after her and will cause drama so that they don’t want to watch my little one because it’s “not worth it the drama that comes with it”

my OH thinks it’s strange behaviour but we are not sure how to go about it.

just some advise please it’s keeping me up at night.

It feels really intense from what your saying. Really obsessive that poses a risk to be honest. I really dislike her comment about when you die even if it's all harmless because she adores her I really get the impression that this is over the top. I would be having to keep my distance and get another childminder. It all depends if you have a funny feeling trust it always

rollon20again · 26/02/2025 00:31

Hey just wondering if there was any updates on this one?

BalaconBalonz · 26/02/2025 02:31

Nip this in the bud now with the strange cousin.

She is obsessed and jealous.

Your baby is learning to speak - what might she say to the child as she gets older? I wish I was your Mum, I am a better Mum, your Mum does not love you like I do etc. If she can say her feelings aloud to you - what could she start saying to your child?

Get your DH on side and find an alternative source of childcare - maybe on your side of the family?

Good luck OP - you are the Mum and go with your gut instinct.