What I don’t understand about this initial ‘set up’ of said play date
Why did OP just ‘assume’ she was coming? So on the play date day .. OP goes all the way to school as if any other day to pick up her DC and the ‘strange mum’ (as OP calls her) does the same.
The both wait outside the reception class to pick up each of their DC.
Op sees ‘strange mum’ and says ‘hi Sandra! me and my LO can’t wait to come now to yours!’
then what? Does OP expect to follow them to the mums car ? Does she leave her own car behind? Or (unbeknownst to us on MN) it’s a ‘given’ that both OP and this mum live minutes from the school and both walk?
OP - why didn’t you text/whattsapp this mum
and ask if she was going to pick up her dc and your dc from school (a bit of an ‘over kill’ for two grown ups to do the school pick up imo !) did you ask for her address? Did you ask if DC would be staying for dinner?
Whenever I’ve done MANY play dates I’ve always asked the mum in a message
‘ Hi Ellie,
(My Ds) can’t wait for your DS to come over our next weds after school! Just checking - all is ok if I pick them both up and take them straight back to mine? Then a couple of hours later you pick him up? I’ll send address again just in case you don’t have it saved etc
Did you want to pop in on picking DS up on picking him up? For a drink .. or we can always arrange a Costa for a nice catch up in near future
Lastly does DS have any dietary requirements? Any allergies and any preferences as to his favourite foods?
Also if you could mention to our lovely teacher or call the school office that I’ll be picking up your DC that would be brilliant and much appreciated!
Thank you and catch up soon :)
Then if she was a mum like YOU OP and said ‘well actually I was thinking/hoping/assuming I’D be there the whole time ‘
I’d then re assess the whole play date ..
because a play date with the parent and play date without look completely different
play date without parent - house obviously cleaned like I would anyway but more focus on childproof tidy and clean and the front room would be more of a ‘games room’
arts and crafts on one small table , other games on another.. any consoles they may be interested in OR C beebies / amazon prime wirh a range of age appropriate choices to purchase for the LO’s .. then obviously they’re safe and I’d be putting together jugs of juices/squashes and lovely snacks .. then I’d be making them a lovely typical child’s dinner followed by pudding .. and during all this would update the mum on whattsapp wirh a fun smiling pic of the DC and that all is ok and to come at xyz time or whenever she’s ready
a play date WITH a parent .. I look like I’m organised, good under stress and pressure and very good at chatting away but it’s all an act and unless it’s one of my close friends or family I’d hate to ‘entertain’ a new mum while I’m over a hot stove cooking the dc a pizza or worrying about has she had enough coffees and such and such
the latter would never ever happen where I’m from (cusp
of london nice area but everyone busy ) as a) we’d go to a big play ball park and /or cinema and maybe even a quick happy meal or a nando’s or a prezzo etc or summer time - picnic in the park
or me and mum would realise our DC are becoming lovely little buddies so we’d go Costa and by the time said play date world happen there’d be no confusion or cross wires!
OP - this isn’t your fault or the other mums fault you both sound very new to this and somewhat naive (I’m assuming both of you - this is first borns?)
And your question about ‘would you let your 9 year old go to a strangers house?’ WELL one would hope OP that by the time your DC are 9 that none of the children OR the parents especially being parents of your dc friends - why and how could they be strangers?
Op next time don’t make assumptions and be crystal clear .. I’m a therapist and in all my years of practicing I will say this til I’m blue in the face ‘99 percent of life’s problems, peoples fall outs, breakups of friendships, breakdown of relationships always stem from complete lack of communication.. if we just put our egos and stubbornness to the side life wouldn’t be perfect but it would be a whole lot easier
Have a clean fresh start .. aim for a day in Feb half term and arrange a ‘get together’ with this mum and her DC .. worst case is you have a typical standard fun day for your dc and best case you could even make an amazing friend in this mum and a year from now you could be laughing (and not care if your houses are tidy or not ) about this confusing ‘play date’