Strange behaviour of school friend mum

[Kikili]

I had a strange interaction with a mum at school. Our kids are good friends at school so she invited my child to her house for a playdate. I have never met her and I thought the playdate would naturally include me coming over to her house as we are talking about 4 year old kids here. Anyway, I went to pick my child up from school and when she realized I was coming along she panicked and cancelled the play date.
Im not sure how anyone would feel ok with sending a 4 year old alone to a strangers house...am I overeacting in thinking there's something strange going on?

Surely by the age of nine you’ve spent many years crossing paths with the parents at school? I agree at four it’s too young but my daughter has been going to friends houses since six but I’ve met the parents at the school a number of times.

Oh, I was willing to give her the benefit of the doubt from your first post and summed her house was a bit u untidy. But from your update she sounds like a weirdo. Bullet dodged OP!

I don't have time to trawl through the Internet to find them, would be lovely to have nothing else to do eh?
Well I guess it's lovely for us both as we've both got time to faff around on MN.
I could only find one from several years ago and the perpetrator was the child not the parent.

Do you honestly think it's safe to leave a 4 year old in the care of a stranger?
TBF their teachers were strangers when they started school...

I'm not aware of any accompanied play dates round here for school age children, although I might pop in or invite another parent in for a coffee if we are friendly.

If I had concerns about letting my kids go for a play date at a particular child's house, I'd decline the invitation.

I would never leave a child under 10 years old alone at a stranger's house. Anything could happen, from a dog bite, to a weird relative hanging around. Where Im from it certainly is not the norm.

10?!! That's a bit extreme...both my kids have been going to play dates without me since they're 6... it's no big deal. Are you usually this anxious and overly protective with your child?

TBF their teachers were strangers when they started school...

Oh come on, that’s a ridiculous thing to say and you know it.

Exactly. Teachers are trained, supervised and have criminal record checks. Thinking its normal to have strangers looking after a 4 year old is such a weird concept. Kinda neglectful actually.

That's very extreme, normally here it's fine once you've been the first time with your child.

The norm in my circles is that once at school a parent accompanies child on a playdate the first time, and then leaves them there the following times. However all the mums (myself included) extend the invite to the parent as well, so that the other parent can choose what they're comfortable with.

The parents of playdates aren't strangers though

Did you tell her you were expecting to go on the play date with the child? It's not normally the done thing to go on a play date.

They are not perfect strangers

I wonder whether it was a misunderstanding and when she saw you at pick up, she thought that you were cancelling?

Anyway, I'd invite her kid round.

How are you going to handle sleepovers

Exactly! It's not like your sending your child off with some randomer that you met on the street!

The dramatics on this thread is crazy!

I think she panicked and didn't realise you were expecting to come. She may have anxiety and wasn't expecting an evening of making conversation with a stranger in her home. She may have felt put on the spot by this and wasn't anticipating an evening of awkward conversation rather than simply leaving the kids to it. To be honest I feel that you shouldn't have assumed that the invite included you being present, best to always check.

I'm not a mum but I do remember going to friend's houses for dinner at 4 years old and it was the norm for parents not to be there. Perhaps times have changed but could that have been what she was expecting? Perhaps it was simply that she was out of coffee/milk/biscuits?

The strange behaviour is from you.

Chaperoned play dates until 10?

No thank you. I organise play dates so my kids can play and I can get on with stuff, not entertain their parent.

Was unheard of in the 70s for the mum to go to the other kid’s house with you after school to play. Didn’t happen in the 90s either.

That’s it. Who wants to have to make small talk with some random x

Exactly. Ignore the children so you can get on with stuff. Let them fall down the stairs etc 🥴

Surely the idea is for the kids to entertain themselves.

Unsupervised at 4 though?

Playdates are childcare! Sort of.

I'd have expected the parents to stay at nursery age, but you did get the odd one who wanted to drop off (usually someone who had loads of kids.) Reception to Year 1, it's whatever the dropping off parent feels comfortable with - maybe you'd stay the first time, or have a quick cup of tea until you see they're settled. Year 2 and up it's definitely drop and run.

😆🤣😆🤣 because 4 year olds fall down the stairs constantly.... maybe don't let them upstairs 🙄

Yeah 100%