Child didn’t get a party bag

[JandamiHash]

Hosted my son’s 8th birthday on Sunday. I sent out invitations in December and made it clear when people had to get back to me (7th Jan). We hired a magician and included personalised party bags that the magician makes himself - they have each child’s name on the stuff inside and it also included a magic wand and some of the tricks he did on the day so the kids could try themselves at home. They were a quite expensive addition but I didn’t mind as I thought it was a nice touch. I also ordered Domino’s Pizza and just enough for the partygoers as again it can be very expensive.

One child whose parents didn’t RSVP turned up. The mum is a bit of an Amanda (as in from Motherland) and has form for being a bit of a PITA. I did say “Oh you didn’t RSVP, it’s absolutely fine to stay but sorry I don’t have a party bag for James, just to warn you.” She looked annoyed and just said “I did RSVP didn’t I?” And checked her phone before saying “Oh dear I forgot. What a shame he won’t have a party bag.”

She then told me James is now vegan like her (was previously vegetarian). I said “Oh sorry there are no vegan pizzas ordered”. Again she looked annoyed and said how it would be awful not to feed him, so I said it was fine I’d call dominoes now to add one onto the order. She shared it with him and took the leftovers home. I was pissed off, if that was me I’d have at least ordered one myself for my child, but this woman is deeply entitled and a massive CF. I would never leave a child without food though and feel like I did the right thing.

Anyway I’ve had a text today to say how upset James is that he didn’t get a party bag, apparently the other kids are all bragging about their magic tricks that they’ve learnt with the party bag stuff and he’s feeling left out (she is forever messaging the mum’s group moaning he’s left out and nobody is his friend and expects us all to prioritise this with our own kids) and that I should have had spares.

I haven’t replied but WIBU to tell her that she should have RSVPd and the only person answerable to her son is her and her DH for sloppy organisation, and that plenty of children in the class didn’t attend the party. Also that I made reasonable adjustments for the food at my own expense. DH thinks I should send my bank details and ask for the extra £10 the vegan pizza cost!

Pizzas are delivered in boxes tho 😋

Block, delete, move on.

OP was the party organiser so she’d be feeding it back to herself 🤣

Oh wow. Texting to complain after - that's a whole new level of cf

Interesting that she texted directly, she knew she'd look a dick if she posted on the WhatsApp group.

It came in boxes and she took the box away with the pizza in

Tell her that although the magician was good, even they couldn't magic up a personalised party bag for a child you assumed wasn't coming to the party!

I'd ignore this message and reply if she sends anything else. Then I'd explain that's the whole point of RSVPing and that you had to pay more for food than what was already agreed.

I think it's pretty clear I meant the magician, who provided the entertainment and the party bags, not the OP.

Congratulations level unlocked, you have attained the rank of Grand Master CF 👏 🏅 🥈 🎖 🥉 🥇 🥳

Ugh, I had one of these situations when DS had his first party in reception year. I must have chased her at least 5 times for a response to the invitation as the whole of the rest of the class was coming. She turned up with her DD, no present and a massive bag of entitlement, and got sniffy about the food on offer as she's a "nutritionist" and we shouldn't have put temptation in the way of her DD. Last invitation her kid ever got, thankfully - the mums of the girls in the class set the precedent of never inviting boys to any of their parties, so us mums of the boys followed suit. She continued to be an absolute pain in the arse, amongst other things, trying to get the school to ban kids giving our sweets on their birthdays, demanding raisins instead of dolly mixture on Christingles and causing the Year 6 leavers' events to be cancelled. So glad to see the back of that knobhead.

Anyway, tell her to give you £20 and you will source her a party bag, as you can't be expected to cater and pay for people who don't RSVP. She won't respond.

Yeah I would say something on the what's app group and show her up..this outrageous behaviour is only continuing because no one is calling her out. What an awful woman !

This

You really went the extra mile for your DS party and the personalised party bags sound brilliant.
Unless James mother gets her head out of her arse, starts to take responsibility and stops behaving like an entitled prima donna nothing will change for that family dynamic and the poor kid will suffer the consequences.

I don't usually bother to reply to people like this as you can never win. They will argue black is blue until the end of time. However, I would have to reply this time stating the facts and reminding her that the reason her son didn't get a bag was the lack of RSVP of which the response date was stated on the invite. I wouldn't apologise. After my message, I would mute her so I wouldn't see any further messages/rants and leave it there. She's clearly a massive knob and if she ignores you at the gates from now on, I'd see it as a bonus.

Definitely do this. Her poor son.

Love it. Ooow should work out levels 😂

I’d keep it very brief and friendly, rather than accusatory or preachy. I certainly wouldn’t accuse her of sloppy organisation. She may have had a lot of stress you don’t know about (e.g. medical diagnoses or relationship problems).

I always used to chase parents who hadn’t RSVP’d, as some people’s lives are very busy and it’s easy to forget, especially during the run-up to holidays.

I’d suggest something like: ‘I’m sorry it upset him. As I explained on the day, the party bags were expensive, so we only ordered the amount we needed for children we were expecting from the RSVPs. We didn’t want to pay for spares that wouldn’t be used. I’ll let [your DC name] know that he should avoid talking about the party, and party bags, at school, as it might upset [her kid’s name] as well as other kids in the class who we couldn’t invite.’

This is great

Honestly, I'd just ignore her, there's always one bloody mum! We had a joint birthday party for 35 kids at the weekend for my six year old. A mum from the class complained to me the next day that in the middle of the party my son had promised one of two huge animal balloons we'd used to decorate the venue to her daughter but a "naughty older girl had then popped it" and her child had been very upset as a result. I didn't even know the older girl, she was a friend of the other birthday child!

Then we had the rest of the parents helping to hand out sandwiches, pour drinks and generally being lovely and supportive. Always one!

"That's a pity that James missed out on the personalised party bag because you forgot to rsvp in time. I would have thought his own pizza that you took home might have soften the blow!".

CF

I think that a lot of people missed the fact that the party pages were personalised and expensive. It would have been unfair to make parents pay for people who might turn up. If she’d received a party bag with no personalisation then she’s the type who would have complained about that too.

She was lucky that you ordered a vegan pizza too. Unless there was no other food at the party, I would have only ordered for James. It’s not his fault that his mum couldn’t warn you in advance about his dietary restrictions.

I think that invites for James and his friendship issues are going to end up screwed because of his mum. Hopefully his dad has more manners and common sense.

I would just tell her to fuck off, it was entirely her fault. However ime at least half of parents don't bother rsvping, and they often collect with a younger child in tow so I usually have a few party bags to spare, in this case I would have had a few generic ones with sweets and bits and bobs in, not the magic themed ones.

This is the right tone of you can’t resist replying.

And heavy hints or barbs will make you look petty. This is you ‘helpfully’ offering a way for her to resolve the problem she caused

I'd keep it simple.

"I know Amanda, it's a shame you didn't RSVP!" and don't invite him again!!

Just say the party bags were personalised and needed an RSVP to get one

You don't need to say any more than that. She might take the hint.

Or ignore the daft twat