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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Child didn’t get a party bag

1000 replies

JandamiHash · 15/01/2025 14:37

Hosted my son’s 8th birthday on Sunday. I sent out invitations in December and made it clear when people had to get back to me (7th Jan). We hired a magician and included personalised party bags that the magician makes himself - they have each child’s name on the stuff inside and it also included a magic wand and some of the tricks he did on the day so the kids could try themselves at home. They were a quite expensive addition but I didn’t mind as I thought it was a nice touch. I also ordered Domino’s Pizza and just enough for the partygoers as again it can be very expensive.

One child whose parents didn’t RSVP turned up. The mum is a bit of an Amanda (as in from Motherland) and has form for being a bit of a PITA. I did say “Oh you didn’t RSVP, it’s absolutely fine to stay but sorry I don’t have a party bag for James, just to warn you.” She looked annoyed and just said “I did RSVP didn’t I?” And checked her phone before saying “Oh dear I forgot. What a shame he won’t have a party bag.”

She then told me James is now vegan like her (was previously vegetarian). I said “Oh sorry there are no vegan pizzas ordered”. Again she looked annoyed and said how it would be awful not to feed him, so I said it was fine I’d call dominoes now to add one onto the order. She shared it with him and took the leftovers home. I was pissed off, if that was me I’d have at least ordered one myself for my child, but this woman is deeply entitled and a massive CF. I would never leave a child without food though and feel like I did the right thing.

Anyway I’ve had a text today to say how upset James is that he didn’t get a party bag, apparently the other kids are all bragging about their magic tricks that they’ve learnt with the party bag stuff and he’s feeling left out (she is forever messaging the mum’s group moaning he’s left out and nobody is his friend and expects us all to prioritise this with our own kids) and that I should have had spares.

I haven’t replied but WIBU to tell her that she should have RSVPd and the only person answerable to her son is her and her DH for sloppy organisation, and that plenty of children in the class didn’t attend the party. Also that I made reasonable adjustments for the food at my own expense. DH thinks I should send my bank details and ask for the extra £10 the vegan pizza cost!

OP posts:
Bushmillsbabe · 15/01/2025 14:49

I think you already went above and beyond ordering a specific pizza for him, dominos pizzas are about £20!

If that had been me and I had forgotten to reply (it happens) I would have paid for food myself and not commented in party bag, and got my child something little myself on way home.

Not really relevant, i didn't know they did vegan cheese, thats very exciting for my df husband.

Avenuesandboulevards · 15/01/2025 14:49

'Yes, it is such a shame you didn't RSVP and James had to miss out on a party bag'

Cattery · 15/01/2025 14:51

Aaah the perils of the school mum brigade. Entitled cheeky fuck. I pity poor James. He’s going to find life a struggle

SwerveCity · 15/01/2025 14:51

Wow what a bloody cheek, to go on guilting you afterwards about this is just bizarre! OP you did nothing wrong, providing food for the boy was very kind of you, the other mum is a knob.

whynotnowdear · 15/01/2025 14:51

Avenuesandboulevards · 15/01/2025 14:49

'Yes, it is such a shame you didn't RSVP and James had to miss out on a party bag'

Perfect. No need for you to apologise at all.

Bringmeahigherlove · 15/01/2025 14:52

What a cheeky cow. Don’t even bother replying.

KvotheTheBloodless · 15/01/2025 14:52

isthesolution · 15/01/2025 14:43

Awww I'm sorry James is upset and making you feel guilty; don't be too hard on yourself though, we've all forgotten to reply to an RSVP before. The party bags were supplied by - xxxx - their contact details if you want to surprise him are.....

This is perfect!

litepop · 15/01/2025 14:53

isthesolution · 15/01/2025 14:43

Awww I'm sorry James is upset and making you feel guilty; don't be too hard on yourself though, we've all forgotten to reply to an RSVP before. The party bags were supplied by - xxxx - their contact details if you want to surprise him are.....

This is amazing 🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼
Makes the point very well without pounding cheeky

murasaki · 15/01/2025 14:53

What's the betting that when James was out of her eyeline, he had a slice of veggie pizza. I hope he did, he's got troubles ahead, poor boy.

PromoJoJo · 15/01/2025 14:53

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at the poster's request.

OriginalUsername2 · 15/01/2025 14:53

isthesolution · 15/01/2025 14:43

Awww I'm sorry James is upset and making you feel guilty; don't be too hard on yourself though, we've all forgotten to reply to an RSVP before. The party bags were supplied by - xxxx - their contact details if you want to surprise him are.....

This is brilliant.

Basketballhoop · 15/01/2025 14:54

isthesolution · 15/01/2025 14:43

Awww I'm sorry James is upset and making you feel guilty; don't be too hard on yourself though, we've all forgotten to reply to an RSVP before. The party bags were supplied by - xxxx - their contact details if you want to surprise him are.....

This is perfect, but anything that puts it firmly back in her ballpark of responsibility would cover it.

UndermyShoeJoe · 15/01/2025 14:54

I’d just send the details.

“Here’s the details for the party bags, hopefully they will let you order one if you ask them. Next time make sure you rsvp lol”

since she thinks it’s so what am I like of her.

Rickrolypoly · 15/01/2025 14:57

isthesolution · 15/01/2025 14:43

Awww I'm sorry James is upset and making you feel guilty; don't be too hard on yourself though, we've all forgotten to reply to an RSVP before. The party bags were supplied by - xxxx - their contact details if you want to surprise him are.....

Lol, this is good but I would not use the word sorry anywhere in the text. It's not your fault.

IMO, the reason people behave like this is because they are permitted to by the people around them so please put her in her place.

Arlanymor · 15/01/2025 14:58

"Sorry I thought we cleared this up when I spoke to you at the party - party bags were for those who RSVP'd as they were personalised and made to order. We assumed James wasn't coming because we hadn't heard back from you and so no party bag was ordered. If you want to order him his own party bag, here are the details of the magician: INSERT DETAILS. Hope James had fun on the day."

I wouldn't mention the pizza, but I also wouldn't let her get away with the passive aggressiveness about the party - if she had her head screwed on she would have apologised to you at the time and asked you for the details to order a party bag herself.

Firingsz · 15/01/2025 15:02

I'd leave him out next time.
Couldn't be tolerating that rudeness.

Mummyoflittledragon · 15/01/2025 15:02

isthesolution · 15/01/2025 14:43

Awww I'm sorry James is upset and making you feel guilty; don't be too hard on yourself though, we've all forgotten to reply to an RSVP before. The party bags were supplied by - xxxx - their contact details if you want to surprise him are.....

Am also loving this response. Perfect to a cheeky fucker.

MellowCritic · 15/01/2025 15:02

Needmorelego · 15/01/2025 14:41

The kid will be over it by the weekend.
The mum hopefully too.
Next time - don't do such fancy party bags.

Why cant she do fancy party bags ?

eqpi4t2hbsnktd · 15/01/2025 15:02

I'd invite James round and feed him cheese... maybe even a tiny steak....

honeylulu · 15/01/2025 15:04

I love @isthesolution's suggested reply. Not an apology, sympathetic to the child, offering a helpful solution and at the same time perfectly hitting the mark in reminding her precisely with whom any blame lies.

Very very cheeky and rude of her. I bet she's one of those types who doesn't reply in case there's a better offer, then rocks up to get out of the house when there isn't. She was probably banking on there being extra party bags (i usually do an extra couple in case I've miscounted or uninvited siblings are brought along) but it's obviously different if they are pre ordered and personalised.

The vegan thing is annoying but I don't think you can ask her to pay for what you ordered, tempting as it might be! A vegan kid turned up to one of my kids parties. He'd been invited but parents hadn't told me his dietary requirements and I didn't find out until he was sat miserably at the party table with a couple of carrot sticks and grapes. When his dad turned up and I said I'm sorry, there wasn't much he could eat and his dad laughed and said "yes he can never eat much at parties". Poor kid.

JudgeJ · 15/01/2025 15:04

(she is forever messaging the mum’s group moaning he’s left out

She needs to look in the mirror to find the answer to that one!

Turnups · 15/01/2025 15:04

isthesolution · 15/01/2025 14:43

Awww I'm sorry James is upset and making you feel guilty; don't be too hard on yourself though, we've all forgotten to reply to an RSVP before. The party bags were supplied by - xxxx - their contact details if you want to surprise him are.....

Nice one!

Acc0untant · 15/01/2025 15:04

"Sorry to hear James is upset. I catered with party bags to the number of children who had RSVP'd so unfortunately on this occasion James had to miss out."

YourHappyJadeEagle · 15/01/2025 15:04

The only way she’ll ever learn is by an inconvenience to herself.
Id send her a message: James didn’t have a party bag as you did not reply to the invitation. Obviously as you did not reply I did not order food for James. My bank details are xxx for you to transfer the £10 for your vegan pizza.

Choccyscofffy · 15/01/2025 15:04

I would not have ordered a pizza. He could survive on crisps and drinks for one afternoon.

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