Child didn’t get a party bag

[JandamiHash]

Hosted my son’s 8th birthday on Sunday. I sent out invitations in December and made it clear when people had to get back to me (7th Jan). We hired a magician and included personalised party bags that the magician makes himself - they have each child’s name on the stuff inside and it also included a magic wand and some of the tricks he did on the day so the kids could try themselves at home. They were a quite expensive addition but I didn’t mind as I thought it was a nice touch. I also ordered Domino’s Pizza and just enough for the partygoers as again it can be very expensive.

One child whose parents didn’t RSVP turned up. The mum is a bit of an Amanda (as in from Motherland) and has form for being a bit of a PITA. I did say “Oh you didn’t RSVP, it’s absolutely fine to stay but sorry I don’t have a party bag for James, just to warn you.” She looked annoyed and just said “I did RSVP didn’t I?” And checked her phone before saying “Oh dear I forgot. What a shame he won’t have a party bag.”

She then told me James is now vegan like her (was previously vegetarian). I said “Oh sorry there are no vegan pizzas ordered”. Again she looked annoyed and said how it would be awful not to feed him, so I said it was fine I’d call dominoes now to add one onto the order. She shared it with him and took the leftovers home. I was pissed off, if that was me I’d have at least ordered one myself for my child, but this woman is deeply entitled and a massive CF. I would never leave a child without food though and feel like I did the right thing.

Anyway I’ve had a text today to say how upset James is that he didn’t get a party bag, apparently the other kids are all bragging about their magic tricks that they’ve learnt with the party bag stuff and he’s feeling left out (she is forever messaging the mum’s group moaning he’s left out and nobody is his friend and expects us all to prioritise this with our own kids) and that I should have had spares.

I haven’t replied but WIBU to tell her that she should have RSVPd and the only person answerable to her son is her and her DH for sloppy organisation, and that plenty of children in the class didn’t attend the party. Also that I made reasonable adjustments for the food at my own expense. DH thinks I should send my bank details and ask for the extra £10 the vegan pizza cost!

So many of these posters saying about spare party bags would be kicking off if this was their wedding and it was a sit down meal their guests hadn't rsvp'd for!!!

Depends on OP's willingness to buy multiple extra expensive AND personalised partybags for next party. And also provide kosher, halal, vegetarian, vegan, nolactos, nogluten, nosugar, noupf things to eat. All with no heads up because to Amanda and the 2 other loony Mnetters on here you don't need to respond if invited but the host should be ready for anything. Also if the whole school show up there ought to be a contingency plan thought out. You got some work to do before next party @JandamiHash .
Or just don't invite the Amandas and your life will be so much better for it.

All my love to your little boy, he sounds like a champion🦹

Apparently + = )( male for some odd giant letters… might explain the lack trouble some posters have with simple equations 🤣

Do you get GF food in even when there’s no GF children on the RSVP list?

Kids aren’t the piss takers but kids of piss takers are entirely not my problem so I don’t plan for them by extension. This was not an all class party for toddlers, it’s an 8yo’s birthday, a child that age IMO is old enough to be exposed to when his parent cocks up with minimal harm, and knowing it’s her problem not mine is absolutely reasonable.

Think about why’s life piss takers get away with - because time and again other kowtow then through life and go out their way to enable the Amanda’s of the world. Ergo the Amandas continue to behave the same. Which they can do, but it won’t be me scrabbling around at my own expense to be part of it

Say

There might have been a magician there but he still isn't able to predict the future so didn't make spares.

Its not your fault at all but maybe just have normal party bags next time. Much easier all round.

It’s not a wedding with a sit down meal though. It’s a kids party…

Do you get GF food in even when there’s no GF children on the RSVP list?

I wouldn’t think of that, no

Same principle

What would you do if a GF child turned up? Would be awful to make them feel excluded if you hadn’t planned for their arrival.

Celebrating your attitude OP, more of us should do similar!

Best jacket potato (fluffy inside, crispy skin) is with salted butter- I could eat them all day long. But some melted cheese is a good addition. They also go lovely with gammon ham and spiced baked red cabbage 😋

Why should OP’s child not have the nice party bags at the expense of enabling people like Amanda?

I knew when OP starting confidently answering back she would get a load of grief. AIBU hates an OP who has the nerve to do this.

If you are one of the people saying OP should have preordered a vegan pizza for no reason, wise up.

As for the party bag, he is 8. Old enough to understand that his mum didn't RSVP and no bag was made. All those saying otherwise are presumably failing their own kids by not teaching them how to emotionally cope when things don't go their way.

I didn’t say they couldn’t be nice.

Wait…we’re meant to have spare party bags for siblings now?!

Baked potatoes cooked in an Aga, best EVER, regardless of filling!

Even if the aga itself is a gas guzzling monstrosity with appalling environmental credentials that is only of any use for baking potatoes.

Ignoring the loons with zero comprehension or reasoning skills who turned up overnight.

Yep. Surely no one here thinks that if you just rocked up at a wedding without having RSVP’d they would just be seated and fed ?

Well things got interesting after I left the thread last night.

Jumping in at the end to say @JandamiHash so sorry to hear about your son's struggles, I wish him health and happiness going forwards. I can see you're a brilliant Mum, and feminist and just general human being.

Seemingly some people think it's worse to not give a child a party bag than to ignore the fact that a classmate of your child has been ill, make their special party all about you and dump added stress and hassle and aggro onto their Mum.

Amanda does need some real problems. I'm hoping the writers of Amandaland have seen this thread and incorporate your story into the next storyline. Complete with put down about James' pot painting party. I'd love to see Lucy Punch act this out 😂

But you mean standard party bags so that every child would be able to have the same?

It would be a shame for children to miss out on fancy party bags just to enable CF’ers.

@Matronic6 I’m not sure you’re reading the same thread as the rest of us!
AIBU responses are firmly on the side of the OP, with a couple of frankly bizarre exceptions.

It’s 8am and I still fancy a jacket potato.

Good on you. Amanda is a twat

They were specific to the event. They cost £12 each. So to have ‘spares’ for the five who didn’t RSVP, just in case they rocked up anyway, would have cost £60. OP doesn’t have to cater to CF’s by moderating her party plan, or any component of it. It’s about her child. The disappointment of CF’s child is entirely on his own mother and not down to OP to fix.

I’ve actually just put two in the air fryer - intend to fill them with crispy bacon and baked beans !!

And vegan pizza because you’re supposed to have received telepathic vibes that not only is the child attending despite no RSVP, he is now vegan!! I think, party bag aside, the cheekiest aspect of this is that the mum let OP pay for the pizza, shared it with her son and then took the rest home !! Hell would freeze over before she got over my doorstep again.

I’d do what you did. Nobody said you were being “awful to make [a child] feel excluded”. You are acting a bit OTT here. A very few of us were simply pointing out that it is common practice to have a couple of spare party bags for these kinds of contingencies, so food for future thought.
The comments that ensued about feminism, self respect , teaching children resilience etc , were imv ridiculous.
The points about these being £12 bags and the kid being 8 not 4-5 are fair enough.