Child didn’t get a party bag

[JandamiHash]

Hosted my son’s 8th birthday on Sunday. I sent out invitations in December and made it clear when people had to get back to me (7th Jan). We hired a magician and included personalised party bags that the magician makes himself - they have each child’s name on the stuff inside and it also included a magic wand and some of the tricks he did on the day so the kids could try themselves at home. They were a quite expensive addition but I didn’t mind as I thought it was a nice touch. I also ordered Domino’s Pizza and just enough for the partygoers as again it can be very expensive.

One child whose parents didn’t RSVP turned up. The mum is a bit of an Amanda (as in from Motherland) and has form for being a bit of a PITA. I did say “Oh you didn’t RSVP, it’s absolutely fine to stay but sorry I don’t have a party bag for James, just to warn you.” She looked annoyed and just said “I did RSVP didn’t I?” And checked her phone before saying “Oh dear I forgot. What a shame he won’t have a party bag.”

She then told me James is now vegan like her (was previously vegetarian). I said “Oh sorry there are no vegan pizzas ordered”. Again she looked annoyed and said how it would be awful not to feed him, so I said it was fine I’d call dominoes now to add one onto the order. She shared it with him and took the leftovers home. I was pissed off, if that was me I’d have at least ordered one myself for my child, but this woman is deeply entitled and a massive CF. I would never leave a child without food though and feel like I did the right thing.

Anyway I’ve had a text today to say how upset James is that he didn’t get a party bag, apparently the other kids are all bragging about their magic tricks that they’ve learnt with the party bag stuff and he’s feeling left out (she is forever messaging the mum’s group moaning he’s left out and nobody is his friend and expects us all to prioritise this with our own kids) and that I should have had spares.

I haven’t replied but WIBU to tell her that she should have RSVPd and the only person answerable to her son is her and her DH for sloppy organisation, and that plenty of children in the class didn’t attend the party. Also that I made reasonable adjustments for the food at my own expense. DH thinks I should send my bank details and ask for the extra £10 the vegan pizza cost!

My son was invited to an outside cinema party in freezing conditions. 'Feel free to bring a chair and a blanket' - parents are (insert and expletive here that starts with c and ends with unts).
They have a perfectly suitable house for a party. Or they could not have a party. And they wonder why people hate them!!!

Just reply back with

ok

will wind her up no end

Or 👍

… the pinnacle of passive-aggressiveness acc to MN!

I wouldn't reply but I would have been tempted to say that you were doing your bit for the planet in not ordering bags for those who didn't RSVP. Reducing waste. She still could order one from the magician if she wants to.

I am a very boring baked beans and cheese on jacket potato so can't contribute there!

I hope your son continues to recover.

I’m not plugging anything I’m just asking a question.

Listen if you want your son’s party to provide life lessons in disappointments for kids with CF parents, far be it from me to interfere.

What are you actually banging on about? Can you please explain how you’ve reached this conclusion?

Personally when I throw parties I just want the kids to have a bit of fun

Same. Have literally no idea why you’d think otherwise?

Also is it normal practice for you to cater for vegans even if no vegans are on your list? Do you do ALL the dietary requirements?? I hope so. Wouldn’t want any tiny children to be left out now would we!

Fully team op here! And I admire the way you’ve dealt with some of the more left field comments- your replies are making me titter whilst I’m watch vengeance most fowl for the 384736 time this week.
I spent my life pandering to people, running myself into the ground just in case so and so was mildly miffed. I now too have to care for my ds (he is brain damaged after meningitis almost killed him as a baby) and I no longer have the capacity to worry about anyone else who doesn’t care a tot for me.
I have many friends who have been there through thick and thin and I would bend over for them, but the Amanda’s, nope I’m not picking up your mess. She will never learn if she never deals with her mistakes. James needs to realise any upset is his mother’s making, and maybe just maybe she might buck her ideas up. You did the right thing ignore all the contingency puddle suiting posts and look after your lovely family

Hmmmm, a couple of posters seem to posting responses to the OP within minutes of each other. Noticed that early hours and again this morning. The only 2 that seem to be disagreeing with the OP. I find coincidences fascinating.

My favourite JP fillings are spicy beef chilli with a dollop of tzatziki on top or good old beans with cheese. Both delicious!

Simply because when some posters said that while you were not unreasonable at all and Amanda was exceptionally rude, you might want to consider that it is good practice to have a couple of spare party bags in future to cover these kinds of situations, you insisted that this was an outrageous suggestion because it was important for kids to toughen up, develop resilience and learn important life lessons in disappointment!

My DS had him on his invite list, seeing as you asked. I said he could have 15 kids max and there’s only 9 boys out of 28 kids in his class, he wanted as many boys there as possible. I’m not one to go “Nope, as you didn’t get invited to his”.

You were not the unreasonable one, either at the party or on this thread. Wild.

There is the odd precious parent in DS’s class. I am absolutely team drop and run. Unless there’s a bar. Or the host is a close friend and it’s a chance to hang out

If I knew you in real life @JandamiHash, we'd be good friends 😉

I admire your approach to life. You have a lot on your plate day to day. You organised something special for your lad who's had a tough run and invited a kid who isn't particularly popular, which was kind. This misstep is 100% on the mother of James. Bravo for having healthy boundaries when it's comes to shove.

Keep winning at life OP X

I think your partybags sound awsome but now I want one for my DS. So before coming on MN telling us about all this you should have gotten some extra to send home to children of Mnetters who would love to have one. It's all about the fucking contingency planning OP! I am now officially miffed ! #teamAmanda

But because of the type of party bag that was provided it wouldn’t have been realistic for the OP to provide a couple of spares!
They had to be ordered via the magician in advance
If OP had just made up a few bags of sweets/tat to hand out to any late comers James’s mam would still be messaging her because the whole reason he’s upset is because the party goers are still talking about their party bags and playing with them
Thats why the suggestion of having a few spares doesn’t work in this case - it would’ve been ridiculous to pay 12 quid for the 5 who didn’t rsvp plus extra for any other siblings or whoever else

fair enough

This point keeps on getting conveniently ignored.

A spare party bag in this case would’ve been useless. James would’ve still felt left out because it wouldn’t be the same and his mother would’ve still complained it wasn’t the special personalised one.

No I didn’t. If you keep telling lies your nose will grow. I said I didn’t provide extras because they were £12 a pop and that I don’t have back-up plans in case of piss takers. The resilience comments were part of a later conversation, and I stand by them.

Still waiting to hear if you cater for all the dietary requirements, according to your logic this would be the sensible and kind thing a good hostess would do to make sure no kids are left out

Perfect

I wonder if LostCat and HollyKnight Amanda will never speak to you again? 🤣

Your first reply was far too detailed

I'd have just said "so sorry but we didn't know james was coming" and left it at that.

It's the truth and everything else is just judgy on both sides.

That is wild (unless you’re certain posters in which case that’s a toasty warm experience kids will love 😂) did you actually go?! And were they not providing chairs and blankets themselves? People are absolutely batshit aren’t they

😂You do realise I got tagged right? I've been around all night. I usual am. That's the joys of being a permanent nightshift worker.

But I’m not sorry. I did my bit, I catered for the surprise guest, and I wouldn’t apologise for it

Again the back up plan is for the kids, who are not the “piss takers”.

In terms of the dietary thing- it doesn’t really apply as I’m a vegetarian and have lots of vegan friends, so yeh I’d always make sure there was vegi and vegan food available if I’m hostjng. But do I think you were unreasonable for not having a spare vegan pizza? No. Do I think you did the right thing by adding one to the order so James could have something to eat? Yes. Do I think Amanda was rude for taking the leftovers home? Yes!

Oh well, just omit the sorry.

I say it all the time, everyone know the English don't really mean it!

I can’t believe the number of posters who take the simple facts and come up with such nonsense.

X(Amanda failed to RSVP) + Y(that is completely on Amanda)

WTAF(is wrong with some posters)