Child didn’t get a party bag

[JandamiHash]

Hosted my son’s 8th birthday on Sunday. I sent out invitations in December and made it clear when people had to get back to me (7th Jan). We hired a magician and included personalised party bags that the magician makes himself - they have each child’s name on the stuff inside and it also included a magic wand and some of the tricks he did on the day so the kids could try themselves at home. They were a quite expensive addition but I didn’t mind as I thought it was a nice touch. I also ordered Domino’s Pizza and just enough for the partygoers as again it can be very expensive.

One child whose parents didn’t RSVP turned up. The mum is a bit of an Amanda (as in from Motherland) and has form for being a bit of a PITA. I did say “Oh you didn’t RSVP, it’s absolutely fine to stay but sorry I don’t have a party bag for James, just to warn you.” She looked annoyed and just said “I did RSVP didn’t I?” And checked her phone before saying “Oh dear I forgot. What a shame he won’t have a party bag.”

She then told me James is now vegan like her (was previously vegetarian). I said “Oh sorry there are no vegan pizzas ordered”. Again she looked annoyed and said how it would be awful not to feed him, so I said it was fine I’d call dominoes now to add one onto the order. She shared it with him and took the leftovers home. I was pissed off, if that was me I’d have at least ordered one myself for my child, but this woman is deeply entitled and a massive CF. I would never leave a child without food though and feel like I did the right thing.

Anyway I’ve had a text today to say how upset James is that he didn’t get a party bag, apparently the other kids are all bragging about their magic tricks that they’ve learnt with the party bag stuff and he’s feeling left out (she is forever messaging the mum’s group moaning he’s left out and nobody is his friend and expects us all to prioritise this with our own kids) and that I should have had spares.

I haven’t replied but WIBU to tell her that she should have RSVPd and the only person answerable to her son is her and her DH for sloppy organisation, and that plenty of children in the class didn’t attend the party. Also that I made reasonable adjustments for the food at my own expense. DH thinks I should send my bank details and ask for the extra £10 the vegan pizza cost!

Ugh she sounds awful.

"Oh no poor little James! I hope he at least had fun at the party. It's awful when you forget something isn't it, I remember the time I sent DC to school in PE gear instead of uniform, the guilt! (Whatever you mention make it very low stakes.) Don't worry, I'm sure he doesn't hold it against you, they forget these things quickly enough! X"

In future OP, it is worth having a couple of spares (can be cheap) just in case. But obviously this is all on her.

ETA @isthesolution 's is better.

I wouldn't reply at all 🤷‍♀️

She's an arsehole, who cares to appease her with a response?

I agree with this. Get in first before she puts you on the defensive. Apologise that you were only able to provide party bags to those whose parents RSVP'd but you hope everyone enjoyed the party and the pizza.

But I wouldn't mention the money at all. It does make you sound petty. If you had known he was coming you would probably have paid for it, though if you text her directly at all maybe say that you hope her family enjoyed the rest of the pizza. 😁

‘James needs to get over himself and eat real food’ (unless he is vegan upon a doctor’s recommendation) and his mother needs to be a bit more organized and less viral on whatsapp’

I love this!

I think this is the best option for responding.

She then told me James is now vegan like her (was previously vegetarian).

I wonder if James was party to this decision? Left alone at the party he would probably have inhaled a pepperami pizza and eaten all the little sausages!

This is spot on! Doesn’t seem like you’re accusing her but 100% calling her out! And the mum feeling guilty would be a NORMAL non CF reaction!

I agree with this. Step away from her drama. Don't add fuel to the fire. You can point out her error to her while remaining polite. She was really very rude to send you that message, but try and keep the moral high ground.

@JandamiHash
I wouldn’t say not to do such fancy party bags next time. My advice would be to not invite him next time or ever again!

I would reply and say you were put in a very awkward position when they turned up without having RSVPd.

0f course if you do send her the details to get a bag, by the time he receives it the other kids will have moved on, such is the fleeting attention span. So she won't do it, she's just kicking off to cover up for her mistake. Poor James.

I hope your boy had a great party, it sounds fun!

Some great responses on this thread!!

I gasped reading this, then read it again to be sure - next time is hostile authoritative, threatening, the ‘don’t do such fancy party bags’ sounds both
mean, jealous and directional - who gave you licence to say what a party
giver mum can do? she or anyone doesn’t need your permission !?!?!?

👌

“Poor James. It’s such a shame you forgot to RSVP. It was lucky I could add a vegan pizza to the order but of course no way to sort a personalised party bag at the last minute”

Agreed. She's nuts. I think she should have been thanking you hugely for ordering food he could eat and letting him stay when she didn't rsvp. You went out of your way to help. Taking home the pizza is the CF cherry on top of the cake.

"Hi Amanda, sorry to hear little James is so upset. I know some of the other children were miffed they only got a party bag and not a personal pizza to take home 😘 Glad he enjoyed the party! Speak soon xx"

Cheeky mare.

I wouldn't worry, once the Daily fail pick this thread up she'll know what you and every other sane person thinks of her 😂

Presume as it was a Domino's she just put it back in the box it came in?

@murasaki gave a spot on reply. Id use this.

She is one cheeky mare!

😂😂😂

Perfect

Btw, if the party organiser didn't have some extra party bags available for purchase on the day I'd feed it back to them - if it was a family you liked you probably would've wanted to give them one even if they didn't RSVP.

Why not? Surely it’s up to the OP what party bags she has. They sound wonderful