I don’t want ex partner around my kids

[charco]

She is just not a nice person and has no respect for me and thinks she can talk to me however she likes my ex and her go behind my back to tell my kids things I don’t want them to know like that my daughter can get thrush if she put soap inside when she is washing herself and I just don’t think it’s on. She stood with my son at his graduation when it should have been me just taking things away from me. I have told him if he wants to see the kids he can see them at mine or take them to his dad’s I don’t want them near nasty people. My little boy calls her stepmum and no one tells him to stop she’s not even married to their dad so she is no stepmum she won’t even look after them when I need her to why get with someone who has kids if you won’t take them on? She has taken so much from me like family days out and family holidays I have to miss out seeing my kids doing fun things because she not comfortable me and my ex taking them away for a week is so stupid and my ex saying if their baby died it would be my fault because I wouldn’t keep the kids on his weekend when they had chicken pox it’s called being a dad

This is incredibly hard to follow. Is English your first language?

Sadly, OP might not understand that this was sarcasm…

They make my kids stay in their room when they're ill so their precious baby doesn't catch it. It's a joke.

Or ask if I want to keep hold of them on his day because their baby is poorly and they don’t want the kids to catch it.

That sounds eminently sensible to me. Why are you objecting to this?

So much to unpack here.

They're not married but they do have a baby together right? (its hard to read your post but the 'if the baby dies' I assume relates to them having a baby and you still expecting to send your sick children) that is your children sibling which means shes tied to their family through blood regardless.

Why would YOU go on holiday with your ex?

Why weren't you the one who got up with your kid at graduation?

If you don't want others playing parent why are you so desperate to palm your kids off on this woman? (you are the one forcing it, if hes a deadbeat who doesn't have time to watch his kids then just rock being the single mam millions of us have at some point don't blame her).

Your kids are not her kids, she owes you nothing and owes the kids just kindness/politeness when they are there so you being to busy to watch your own kids means nothing. Same way you don't babysit her kid, you have the exact same relationship to each other and your kids share the same bond but I bed my life you wouldn't take her kid on when shes busy at work. Your custody arrangements are PURELY with the dad not her.

There is not a huge gap for grieving the relationship is there? between you having a nursery kid (so 4?) and her already having a baby? You honestly sound (no matter how much you protest) like your not over him and so jealous of her.

OP I think you would really benefit from therapy / counselling to come to terms with the end of your relationship. Your GP may be able to refer you, or charities like mind or relate can often offer low cost / free counselling if you are on a low income.

You are currently exposing your children to an incredibly unhealthy attitude towards your ex / his partner. If you do not address this then you will (continue to) inflict an incredible amount of emotional abuse / damage towards your children.

But you're keen to use her as free childcare whenever you demand it?

You can't have it both ways.

Why were you not running after your son?
Obviously a baby is vulnerable your being unreasonable.....why do you want your children exposed to bugs?
Get angry with the ex if he won't help .....but it depends why your asking for help on your time as to whether he's reasonable or not.

Omg I wouldn't take my own kids to school on a train never m 6 6ind someone else's.
Do you have any idea if the damage chicken pox can do to an unborn baby?

@charco most parents get on and co parent perfectly well without having to spend days out and holidays together. Sounds like that wasn't your genuine motivation at all, and that you just wanted to spend time with your ex to be honest and your nose was put out of joint when he moved on and didn't want to do it any longer.

Well you've done one thing OP. On every thread where there's a step mum involved there are always posters saying that MN never side with the step mum, looks like you've managed to disprove that theory.

There is not a huge gap for grieving the relationship is there? between you having a nursery kid (so 4?) and her already having a baby?

The OP has a new boyfriend and baby herself, I think.

You have previously posted about your son's exclusion from school because of his behaviour, which you suggest is due to potential neurodiversity / disliking the school senco teacher so he misbehaves because of that dislike. Have you considered that he is acting out because at the age of 4 / 5 you should not be parenting him in the way that you are. Children should not be involved in their parents dramas, whoever is being reasonable. At his age he does not have the emotional capacity or maturity to handle his mother using him as a battle pawn.

Respectfully I think you’ve let emotions get in the way and clouded your judgement.

How can on one hand she be absolutely awful and you don’t want them around her to she doesn’t even take them for me?

So she stood at the front with your son at graduation as he kept running off? Well why didn’t you? She clearly used her initiative and stepped up.

My children have a stepmom, did I absolutely love her? Nope, she and my ex got off of trying to make my life a misery. But was she great to my kids, Did she love them like her own and make them happy, comfortable and feel safe? Yes she did and for that I would never disregard her from their lives. Her and my children’s father split and ironically, were in touch and friendly.

Maybe look at her as less of the enemy and more at how she treats your children. Also, it’s not the worst thing in the world to teach children about the implications of using the wrong things to clean their private areas.

Most mature adults keep their children out of their petty rows. You're being emotionally abusive trying to turn them against their dad's partner and manipulate their opinion of her. So what if she doesn't like you? That's nothing to do with her relationship with the children.

No court would look favourably upon this.

You sound like an absolute nightmare.

Do you expect your new partner....who got together with someone with kids....to take time off and help you....she sounds like she is helping you but you want more and more....
You split for 2 years obviously she wouldn't want her partner going away with you ....he's not yours anymore.

OP does your new boyfriend look after your children?

Have you thought about talking through your feelings with someone

God, I really hope you're a troll. If not...bloody hell. Poor children.

It’s not down to him to always do things and if there dad won’t help me on my days because “work” then she can why should my partner take time off work when there own dad won’t and she won’t step up

The judge would also be very interested in why you as the main caregiver actively seek to send your sick children away to be looked after by according to your posts a non parent at a place you deem to prove 'abusive care'.

You are implicating yourself in allowing abuse and neglect if that is your stance.

I’m definitely getting troll vibes from this now… you don’t expect your partner to help but you expect your ex’s partner who you don’t want around your children to look after your children 🤦‍♀️

Where's Jeremy Kyle when you need him

But why should she be expected to look after your children?

If you don't expect your boyfriend to look after children which are not his, why should your ex's girlfriend look after them?

Double standards here, OP. You're being illogical.

You sound like a fucking nightmare. Just for you to understand they are YOUR kids and your EX’S kids. Why should the step mum step up to parent kids she didn’t fucking birth! Not surprised you don’t drive, wouldn’t be surprised if you don’t work either.

you are the problem. If I was your ex I’d have taken you to court for full custody because fuck dealing with a self centred, short sighted unreasonable person like yourself.

everyone thinks you’re the problem. How long until it dawns on you too!

Yeah no way is this real 😂

It did keep me entertained for half an hour though so thank you @charco 😃