I don’t want ex partner around my kids

[charco]

She is just not a nice person and has no respect for me and thinks she can talk to me however she likes my ex and her go behind my back to tell my kids things I don’t want them to know like that my daughter can get thrush if she put soap inside when she is washing herself and I just don’t think it’s on. She stood with my son at his graduation when it should have been me just taking things away from me. I have told him if he wants to see the kids he can see them at mine or take them to his dad’s I don’t want them near nasty people. My little boy calls her stepmum and no one tells him to stop she’s not even married to their dad so she is no stepmum she won’t even look after them when I need her to why get with someone who has kids if you won’t take them on? She has taken so much from me like family days out and family holidays I have to miss out seeing my kids doing fun things because she not comfortable me and my ex taking them away for a week is so stupid and my ex saying if their baby died it would be my fault because I wouldn’t keep the kids on his weekend when they had chicken pox it’s called being a dad

I think you have some real concerns mixed up with a lot of anger.

I think you need to talk to someone who can help you work through your feelings.

How much does your ex have his kids? Does he pay you proper maintenance? I would be focusing on these points, not ex’s partner.

oh grow up. you want it all your own way! she's sounds like a saint to me!

It's not your choice I'm afraid.

Either you trust your ex partner to take care of your children or you don't. If you don't then you need to go to court to deny him access. My mum did this when my dad requested to have me on overnights as she believed (correctly) that I was unsafe there and she won.

If you are happy for your ex to have your children you don't get to dictate who he allows around them unless they are a danger to the children.

Do you look after her baby if she needs emergency childcare?

If you don't consider her your DC's stepparent, then presumably you are yourself as closely related to her baby as she is to your DC.

You don't like her. That's fine. But don't expect her to be a stepmom one minute and then invisible the next.

Well, didn’t she do the right thing at his graduation ?? Stood beside him so he wouldn’t run off. Pity you didn’t think of doing that first.

If you don’t like how she talks to you - the solution is easy - don’t talk to her, all communication through your ex. Agree a formal access/childcare plan and stick to it.

He has them 1 week Monday Wed after school until their bed time and Friday-Sun until bedtime and then the next week Wed and Thursdya until their bed time. He pays me fine that is not the issue here the issue is his girlfriend thinking she better than me and me not waiting my kids around nasty people

Sorry OP, I understand that you want a break but you’re really not coming across well. If the "If they’re ill on his day it’s for him to deal with" is about you insisting on sending them with chicken pox when his partner is pregnant, you won’t be getting much sympathy here (or anywhere else, I should think). Wouldn’t your children rather have stayed with you when they were poorly, anyway?

Did she help you out when your dd had her sickness bug after you refused to help them when your dc had chicken pox?

That was nice of her, OP. You need to focus on the positives. She has them all half terms? That’s really nice of her.

You sound like a nightmare - and a confused, irrational one at that! You want her to "step up" and provide childcare for you in one breath, yet when she intervenes to get your DC to behave at his nursery graduation you complain (why weren't you or your ex stopping your child from running around?!), then you say you want nothing to do with them anymore - how are they going to provide this half-term childcare and sickness cover - which she HAS been doing according to you! - if you won't let them near the kids?

She's coming across as a better person than you and that is just from listening to your side of the story!

So for a guess, you asked her for childcare, she said no, you tried to tell her she had to, and she told you to fuck off, either literally or in so many words.

You can want a break as much as you like, your children are not her responsibility and she is not in any way duty bound to provide you said break. That is between you and the father, and has nothing to do with her.

No matter what you think she ‘should’ or ‘have to’, she has demonstrated quite clearly that she isn’t going to, and doesn’t have to.

so you actually co-parent? he pays his money on time and during half term they have the kids??

and you need a break? a break from what exactly??

you are actually making yourself look worse the more you type?

I want nothing to do with either of them anymore they’re both horrible people

Doesn’t matter anymore anyway because after the things she has said to me and the way she speaks to me I don’t want her help or my kids near her

she won’t get a train to take the kids to school

She has them in half term when he works and I am grateful for that and she kept hold of my son when he had a sickness bug so that my youngest daughter didn’t catch it

Seriously, WTF?

You hate this woman and don't want her help? Yet in the next post you're raging because she won't get a train to take YOUR kids to school? She's a "horrible person" yet she looks after your child and took them off you when they were poorly?

You have some serious issues OP.....

So she does take of your kids by herself sometimes ?? That’s kind of her when she’s under no obligation to.

How can you keep your kids from her - are you going to stand in front of a Judge and demand sole care of your children, just because you don’t like your exes partner - who actually is kind and helps her partner with the care of his children. I’d like to see how that pans out.

To be honest you are coming across as very bad here. She does not come across at bad.

Your issue is with your ex not stepping up and doing his share of the childcare. She is not the children's parent and it is not up to her to be proxy. The issue here is with your ex.

Your are coming across as nasty too op. Honestly I think you need to look into therapy.

You can’t want her to have nothing to do with them, while simultaneously moaning that she won’t do stepmum things for them.

You can’t stop her being there, in case; it’s not your call.

Think court would like to here how they just put my kids in bed when they are ill so there baby doesn’t get sick .thats abuse

I don't blame her though.
I wouldn't like my new boyfriend going on holiday with his ex.
YABU.

You're really not coming across well here. My sympathy is with the stepmum

I don’t want to go on holiday with him anymore but because of her he said we couldn’t take the kids away because she’s not comfortable with it

Um yeah. Most people in relationships don't go on holiday with their ex. That would be extremely weird.

I don't think putting kids in their bed is abuse 😂but the more you post the more I think this isn't real.

No it isn't abuse.

The only person sounding abusive here is you.

she sounds like a saint putting up with your crap!

Well, if your children are ill, surely bed is the best place for them??

How is just putting them in bed looking after them it is abuse to just shut kids away ill or not