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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS has quit his job to go travelling with a girl he just met

290 replies

ilosttheracoonjack · 15/01/2025 04:11

I'm thinking I'm going to be told it is none of my business and to just be happy for him, but I am concerned so need some others views.

DS is 24, he has always been quite shy and kept himself to himself, more so since we moved to Australia when he was 11 as he was a confident child and lost it in his teens. He went to uni, he now has a good job and seems settled. In November he met a girl, she's 22, on her gap year. He had a relationship in his teens but nothing since. It has been like this girl has brought out a whole new side to him, he seems much more confident and relaxed.

Today he told us he has quit his job and they are going to finish her gap year together, mainly with those companies that organise gap year group tours, he seems excited. He is leaving next weekend, February, March & April SE Asia. May & June South America, July Central America then they will see what they feel like after.

TBH I am really apprehensive, this is very out of character and he doesn't really know this girl very well. DH thinks he has made a mistake quitting his job.

AIBU to be worried? Or as he is an adult is it on me to just leave him to it?

OP posts:
Wallywobbles · 15/01/2025 04:12

I'd say that's wonderful news.

Guest100 · 15/01/2025 04:13

It sounds like fun. He is 24, life is about having fun not being stuck in a job.

BlackChunkyBoots · 15/01/2025 04:16

She sounds great for him. It's a fantastic opportunity. Even if the relationship doesn't work out, you only live once. I hope they both have a great time!

RachelGreensHair · 15/01/2025 04:16

Tbf he sounds really mature, and doing it thru a proper company means they will be looked after and have the time of their lives.

endofthelinefinally · 15/01/2025 04:18

I would say support him, keep in touch. My only concern would be whether he is funding her.

Original poster
ilosttheracoonjack · 15/01/2025 04:21

endofthelinefinally · 15/01/2025 04:18

I would say support him, keep in touch. My only concern would be whether he is funding her.

DH asked him this and he said no, she has her own savings and joked the only thing he will be doing for her is carrying her excess stuff in his bag.

OP posts:
Reugny · 15/01/2025 04:27

YANBU to be worried as you are his mother

YABU to not expect him to go and explore the world.

Also be glad he's doing it now while he's young and has no commitments.

isthismylifenow · 15/01/2025 04:27

How amazing for them.

He won't get this opportunity again when marriage and kids come on board.

endofthelinefinally · 15/01/2025 04:28

ilosttheracoonjack · 15/01/2025 04:21

DH asked him this and he said no, she has her own savings and joked the only thing he will be doing for her is carrying her excess stuff in his bag.

Show quote history

Never never carry stuff for someone else. NEVER.

Original poster
ilosttheracoonjack · 15/01/2025 04:34

endofthelinefinally · 15/01/2025 04:28

Never never carry stuff for someone else. NEVER.

Show quote history

I'll pass the advice on, but can I ask why?

OP posts:
tillylula · 15/01/2025 04:35

I quit my job and moved in with my now husband after 3 weeks of knowing him. We have 3 kids. Sometimes it works out!

Monty27 · 15/01/2025 04:37

As above! NEVER!
Albeit I wouldn't even have thought of it. So very true.
I suppose if the stuff isn't in his bag and bags are checked in separately.
Red flag though.

Herewego25 · 15/01/2025 04:38

I completely get it, but it's wonderful for him and will be the making of him. Get excited and maybe even plan to join him somewhere for a week.

Original poster
ilosttheracoonjack · 15/01/2025 04:39

Monty27 · 15/01/2025 04:37

As above! NEVER!
Albeit I wouldn't even have thought of it. So very true.
I suppose if the stuff isn't in his bag and bags are checked in separately.
Red flag though.

I think he meant it as a joke, in reference to her probably having more stuff she will want to take than him, not sure how it is a red flag at all!

OP posts:
endofthelinefinally · 15/01/2025 04:39

ilosttheracoonjack · 15/01/2025 04:34

I'll pass the advice on, but can I ask why?

Show quote history

Drug running. If anyone asks you to carry something in your bag it is a massive red flag.

Noodlesnotstrudels · 15/01/2025 04:40

ilosttheracoonjack · 15/01/2025 04:34

I'll pass the advice on, but can I ask why?

Show quote history

In case of drug or other illegal item smuggling / trafficking. He needs to be very careful he isn't being used as a mule. It's very naive to think this doesn't happen.

If he never did any travelling or a gap year himself between uni / work, then it sounds like this could be great fun for him. Especially if it's on an organised tour. But definitely have a conversation with him about being safe given he hasn't known this girl very long and what his plan is in case they find they don't like each other that much once they are spending more time together.

Original poster
ilosttheracoonjack · 15/01/2025 04:40

endofthelinefinally · 15/01/2025 04:39

Drug running. If anyone asks you to carry something in your bag it is a massive red flag.

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Oh gosh what a hop, skip and jump. I'm sure he was talking about her having more stuff than him, not drug smuggling!!

OP posts:
AusMumhere · 15/01/2025 04:41

ilosttheracoonjack · 15/01/2025 04:39

I think he meant it as a joke, in reference to her probably having more stuff she will want to take than him, not sure how it is a red flag at all!

Show quote history

Drugs!

endofthelinefinally · 15/01/2025 04:43

ilosttheracoonjack · 15/01/2025 04:40

Oh gosh what a hop, skip and jump. I'm sure he was talking about her having more stuff than him, not drug smuggling!!

Show quote history

Well yes. Of course that wasn't in his mind. Nice, kind people can be deceived though.

Original poster
ilosttheracoonjack · 15/01/2025 04:44

I think a joke has been taken out of context with the drug talk, I don't think she has asked him to carry anything, he was making a joke about her being an over packer, but the concern is appreciated and I will make sure he stays vigilant.

OP posts:
PennyApril54 · 15/01/2025 04:48

I think it's fantastic! Even if you're not, I think best to appear 100% behind this trip and send him off feeling amazing. He's young, on a journey of self discovery etc he's got his whole life to do the 9-5 thing...id be really proud of him having the courage to do this. I hope he really enjoys this experience. He'll learn and grow asa person even more.

isthismylifenow · 15/01/2025 04:49

ilosttheracoonjack · 15/01/2025 04:44

I think a joke has been taken out of context with the drug talk, I don't think she has asked him to carry anything, he was making a joke about her being an over packer, but the concern is appreciated and I will make sure he stays vigilant.

The thread did go a bit sideways there OP.

I backpacked with my then bf for years. I had my pack and half of his for all my stuff. So I got the joke too.

But, as long as they are aware of safety, I have to assume they are wise enough to not carry something for a stranger.

He can always get another good job. He won't have the freedom to travel like this when life gets in the way.

ZippyCat · 15/01/2025 04:50

He's young enough to enjoy life so let him do it before you know it everyone is 40 and not really taken any time to enjoy life at all life's to short of it doesn't work out for him it's not the end of the world

XelaM · 15/01/2025 04:55

ilosttheracoonjack · 15/01/2025 04:34

I'll pass the advice on, but can I ask why?

Show quote history

Have you seen Bangkok Hilton with Nicole Kidman? 😀

CrocsNotDocs · 15/01/2025 04:57

He’ll either have met the love of his life or will have a tragic love affair. Both are healthy things for a 24 year old. Good luck to him!