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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS has quit his job to go travelling with a girl he just met

290 replies

ilosttheracoonjack · 15/01/2025 04:11

I'm thinking I'm going to be told it is none of my business and to just be happy for him, but I am concerned so need some others views.

DS is 24, he has always been quite shy and kept himself to himself, more so since we moved to Australia when he was 11 as he was a confident child and lost it in his teens. He went to uni, he now has a good job and seems settled. In November he met a girl, she's 22, on her gap year. He had a relationship in his teens but nothing since. It has been like this girl has brought out a whole new side to him, he seems much more confident and relaxed.

Today he told us he has quit his job and they are going to finish her gap year together, mainly with those companies that organise gap year group tours, he seems excited. He is leaving next weekend, February, March & April SE Asia. May & June South America, July Central America then they will see what they feel like after.

TBH I am really apprehensive, this is very out of character and he doesn't really know this girl very well. DH thinks he has made a mistake quitting his job.

AIBU to be worried? Or as he is an adult is it on me to just leave him to it?

OP posts:
2024onwardsandup · 15/01/2025 15:51

Good on him

2024onwardsandup · 15/01/2025 15:52

Agree make sure very comprehensive travel insurance, vaccinations and visa requirements checked

MrsIcandothis · 15/01/2025 15:53

ilosttheracoonjack · 15/01/2025 04:34

I'll pass the advice on, but can I ask why?

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DRUGS & SMUGGLING!!!!

aniloD · 15/01/2025 18:20

My brother did this at 25. He was living in London, with a good job and packed it all in to take a year out and go travelling around Australia

That was 40 years ago.

Met and married his wife, 3 kids and 4 grandkids.

All doing really well

In fact his son did pretty much the same in reverse. Did a years travelling in his early 20s, came and worked in London for a year. Met his now wife whilst travelling and they have now settled back in Australia

Remaker · 15/01/2025 20:32

Keeponkeepingon9 · 15/01/2025 13:24

@remaker In general I agree with everything you have said with the exception of "whatever horrors mumsnet can dream up" If the situations you refer to never happened there would be no need to be prepared and warn young people to be diligent every step of the way.

Perhaps the negativity your parents presented you with was their way of saying you can't be too careful & please be aware 'horrors' can and do happen.To suggest to young people who haven't experienced life they can spread their wings in a carefree manner without a care in the world is living in fantasy land. They need to be equipped to deal with all possibilities. If parents are rebuked because they are trying to highlight what can go wrong sobeit. I'd prefer that than the guilt I'd feel if I was to be confronted with problems I didn't warn them about.

Well thanks for taking yourself back to 1992 and interpreting my parents feelings for me but you are completely incorrect. They wanted me to do as they did and work in a job I hated for 30 years because it was secure. I don’t think they were worried, just annoyed.

I’m now a parent of one, soon to be two, young adults. Of course I give them sensible advice about safety and stay in touch when they are not at home. But that’s different to being paranoid and joyless as so many on MN are.

agoodfriendofthethree · 15/01/2025 20:42

I met a guy on the other side of the world when I was backpacking 25 years ago. We immediately hit it off and very quickly decided to change our plans for the rest of our trips so that we could travel the world together for a few extra months. I really appreciated that my parents didn't freak out and they trusted me to make my own decisions (even though I was much younger than your son). As a parent now, I'm not sure I'd be as calm if it was my child 😂 We've now been married for 20 years and still have our love of travelling (as do our kids). Your son sounds great and you sound like a really caring mum - no doubt you'll worry, but I think it sounds like a brilliant adventure that will be great for him even if his relationship doesn't work out long term.

pilates · 15/01/2025 21:07

That’s such a lovely post@agoodfriendofthethree

Catandsquirrel · 15/01/2025 21:24

Great he's going travelling. It'll be a brilliant experience. He needs to be vigilant with his bags though. It's a thing. I don't care how much some are scoffing, I wouldn't carry excess baggage for such a new partner in SE Asia and central America. Not a risk worth taking

Middleagedspreadisreal · 16/01/2025 17:54

ilosttheracoonjack · 15/01/2025 04:44

I think a joke has been taken out of context with the drug talk, I don't think she has asked him to carry anything, he was making a joke about her being an over packer, but the concern is appreciated and I will make sure he stays vigilant.

They don't usually ask, just smuggle it into someone else's bag

Jumpers4goalposts · 16/01/2025 17:58

I think it sounds amazing…. And exactly what young people should be doing. You should make sure you support him. I think you should be proud of him.

As for his job there will be plenty of work for him when he returns. My DH is a Civil Engineering manager and he can never find enough graduate engineers.

catlover123456789 · 16/01/2025 18:07

I think its great news he has a new girlfriend and an opportunity to travel. He's only 24, he might get another chance to do something like this.

QueSyrahSyrah · 16/01/2025 18:15

Well this has become quite the 'cancel the cheque' thread hasn't it? Grin

DeadSpace3 · 16/01/2025 18:34

You absolutely must let, or even outright encourage your DS to go on this trip.

He may have met the love of his life or the relationship could end badly, either way it will be a learning process he'll benefit from going through.

Whatever he does, support him.

graysquirrel · 16/01/2025 18:45

I am very risk adverse and scared of my own shadow.
I wish I had half as much courage as him at that age.
He's still young, now is the time to do it, love, lose and live life. What's the worst that happens, he comes home to his welcoming family and starts where he left off? But with many memories!!

envbeckyc · 16/01/2025 18:47

You either go travelling like this when you are young or you have to wait for retirement!

It’s obviously much better to do it when you are fitter and younger without responsibilities!

My Husband and I toyed with the idea of doing this after Uni and volunteering for part of the year with VSO - but as we were not married back then, they couldn’t guarantee that we could get a placement together! So we bottled it and worked instead, and now we won’t be able to do it until we are 68 at the earliest!

I think your Son is making the right decision, just make sure he always has enough money to get a flight home if needed!

Yoonimum · 16/01/2025 18:52

ilosttheracoonjack · 15/01/2025 04:21

DH asked him this and he said no, she has her own savings and joked the only thing he will be doing for her is carrying her excess stuff in his bag.

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Well, it all sounds great! I expect it is a bit of a shock and you will miss him but I hope they are loved up and have loads of fun!

Catarinabella · 16/01/2025 20:19

Good for him. Living his best life while young

fairytailcat · 16/01/2025 20:26

How exciting for him to see some of the world!

He sounds responsible and mature! He already has a degree and has met someone he linear

Go him

SillyOldBucket · 16/01/2025 22:29

24 is a great age to jump off the treadmill and go travelling. He has work experience behind him so will still be employable after travelling and will have an amazing experience. I did it when I was 30 with my boyfriend. I think we both got on each others nerves at times and we did split up after we got back but I have the most fantastic memories that will stay with me forever of the places we visited and the people we met. Just wish them a fantastic adventure.

Orangeandpinknails · 16/01/2025 22:31

Herewegoagain84 · 15/01/2025 06:59

Although it sounds like a great opportunity for him personally, I’m genuinely surprised that more people haven’t had this thought, and instead think that up and leaving is totally fine. He’s 24, not 21 and I think it is worth considering what he’s giving up. Eg a training contract with a law firm? Unlikely to get another one etc. I think there are also challenges being with someone 24/7 you have only just met - I’d be concerned for him if this is his first relationship since his teens - he may himself in Central America, desperate to go home but feels responsible for this girl. It could be a wonderful experience - but YANBU to have concerns, and it still needs thinking through carefully.

Show quote history

Hardly much difference between 21 and 24 really... 3 years, 24 is still very young! And who needs to think it through carefully? OP or her son? It's nothing to do with OP he's an adult..yah ofc have a chat through with him but she doesn't have to 'think' anything through. Sounds like he's made his mind up and why not I say...Yolo!

HoppityBun · 16/01/2025 22:38

It’s completely understandable that you’re worried. That doesn’t mean that he’s making a mistake. If not now, then when? Life gets more complicated as we get older and we get more ties that bind.

GreenShadow · 16/01/2025 22:46

Thank you for starting this thread and thank you to all those who have posted encouraging experiences etc.
Our similarly aged DS has literally this evening told us he wants to give up his job and travel. He's is quite young in some ways (still lives at home), and inexperienced, so it will obviously be a worry, but you are all (on the whole) encouraging.

Toptops · 16/01/2025 23:06

Good for him!
If course you'll worry but it will be a fantastic experience for him

changecandles · 17/01/2025 16:46

Just tell him to physically check everything he may carry for her. EVERYTHING. Inside and out.

Especially going through SE Asia. Hotspot for drug smuggling.

He hasn't known her long. I'm sure she's fine but NEVER take chances even with your longest best friend when it comes to carrying items.

Tell him that's why they ask if you packed your own bags and know everything that's in there. It's not a joke. It's deadly serious.

changecandles · 17/01/2025 16:50

@ItFellOffAgain

Dear god, get a grip. He's going backpacking. He's 24. I'm sure he's seen enough programmes to know not to do this. He's not some daft sod who's been offered a 'free holiday' for carrying a suitcase....
Stop pissing on his chips, and stop worrying @ilosttheracoonjack . People have lives to lead!
Yes they have lives to lead. Not to languish in a Thai prison. I've lived there. This is NOT a joke. He hasn't known her long. She's travelling on her gap year. He loves her. She asks him to carry some stuff as 'it doesn't fit' in her suitcase.

It HAPPENS. A lot more than we see on the news. It is way more common than you realise. Don't be naive and come all Kumbaya live life when it comes to the customs authority.

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