DS has quit his job to go travelling with a girl he just met

[ilosttheracoonjack]

I'm thinking I'm going to be told it is none of my business and to just be happy for him, but I am concerned so need some others views.

DS is 24, he has always been quite shy and kept himself to himself, more so since we moved to Australia when he was 11 as he was a confident child and lost it in his teens. He went to uni, he now has a good job and seems settled. In November he met a girl, she's 22, on her gap year. He had a relationship in his teens but nothing since. It has been like this girl has brought out a whole new side to him, he seems much more confident and relaxed.

Today he told us he has quit his job and they are going to finish her gap year together, mainly with those companies that organise gap year group tours, he seems excited. He is leaving next weekend, February, March & April SE Asia. May & June South America, July Central America then they will see what they feel like after.

TBH I am really apprehensive, this is very out of character and he doesn't really know this girl very well. DH thinks he has made a mistake quitting his job.

AIBU to be worried? Or as he is an adult is it on me to just leave him to it?

They only met in November.

Let him have a youth.

If she ends up pregnant??
She doesn't sound like the type who wants that yet.
Should he just never spend any time around women by that logic?
A CV is really not all that matters in life and I bet it does him no harm to get some life experience anyway.
If he's 24 it's unlikely to be both his first job and only one he's held for a short time, he's likely been out 2 years or so.

@merediththethird I know it's not the same as being young and carefree, but travelling with small kids is so great. Stressful, but great. People are so kind to you and seeing it through the kids' eyes is amazing. In Nepal rn with 9 year old and 2 year old and it's lovely. Those gruelling bf nights won't last forever even though it feels like it!

Given the context, of you moving at a crucial point and him losing his confidence as a result, I'd say this is exactly what me needs right now. He's done everything he 'should' have done, and is now taking a brave leap to do something exciting. If he had done it a couple of years ago between uni and jobs or school and uni no-one would have batted an eye.

Be supportive, excited and keep an eye out for him. He'll hopefully come back with new experiences and confidence to take back into a workplace.

He’s in love. How wonderful. Of course this is good thing. He’ll be your son forever and you want him to be happy forever and that often involves no regrets from missed opportunities.
When else should people travel? He got a good job a year ago so he can do that again. Where is the woman from? Are you worried he’ll not come back?!

Yes this was one of my concerns it seems very whirlwind. She seems like a lovely girl and she is gorgeous, more attractive than his ex for sure but I wouldn't say "out of his league".
She does seem lovely, fun, extroverted etc.

He is a graduate civil engineer.

How exciting! OP if you're son is shy / reserved this will be a great experience for him. You don't want him living on the periphery of life for his whole teens and 20s. If it's all a bit of a mistake he can come home and get a new job.

It sounds fun but agree given he doesn't know her that well he should not carry her luggage! He will get to see some of the world and settle down later.

That’s fab. I wish I had done that when I was younger. All the best to your DS!

He has his whole adult life to get working years on his cv.

One year out of 40 is not going to cause some detrimental harm to his career.

Sounds like a wonderful opportunity for him, OP! Why don’t you want him to go? Could be the best year of his life. Could not be. But either way, he’ll learn so much about himself and about life.

He’ll get another job when he returns.

@ilosttheracoonjack as a civil engineer he won’t have any issues picking up a job once he settles back in so I wouldn’t be too worried.

It does seem a little fast but we don’t know, maybe he has been wishing for an opportunity like this for a while now. 24 is so young.

What an amazing opportunity for him! It will do wonders for his confidence and be a trip of a lifetime time. Not sure what you’re worrying about. He can get another job when he comes back.

Just classic MN

Although it sounds like a great opportunity for him personally, I’m genuinely surprised that more people haven’t had this thought, and instead think that up and leaving is totally fine. He’s 24, not 21 and I think it is worth considering what he’s giving up. Eg a training contract with a law firm? Unlikely to get another one etc. I think there are also challenges being with someone 24/7 you have only just met - I’d be concerned for him if this is his first relationship since his teens - he may himself in Central America, desperate to go home but feels responsible for this girl. It could be a wonderful experience - but YANBU to have concerns, and it still needs thinking through carefully.

Honestly, let him chill and go - your son is sorted - he graduated, he had a job. Gap yaaahs are usually a menace and sabotage for those who have not started university yet, as they are designed to relax a person to such an extent that upon return they won't be able to pass their LSAT or do a good interview, because their minds have been numbed and there is no focus there anymore. It also teaching nothing about cultures or countries they visit - it is a form of very superficial vagrancy with no depth at all (unlike going to a specific country and living their for up to a year to learn about that country and the language, to be part of that society via work of volunteering). But your son has graduated, he even had a job - maybe he just needs a bit of light-hearted relaxation and if his degree was serious or his job was demanding, maybe he needs a bit of mind-numbing that a gap yaaah usually provides?

No I'm sure he didn't mean that. I would very much doubt he's setting off with that intention.

The point is that he needs to be aware of it as a risk (not just this girl-anyone they might meet).

I would show enthusiasm and ask about plans, and also (privately) ask what the main risks are and what he plans to do about them. Someone else probably has better wording

Surely you know

You're not unreasonable to worry, youre a parent. However, why is this a mistake? Is the worry that he might never work again and once he comes back he will be unemployed for rest of his life? She's using him? They might break up after 2 weeks, but does that really matter? Most relationships end, well most marriages end. So a bit of fun before that happens sounds good!

How amazing. My biggest regret is not doing something like this before settling down and having kids. Life is for living, if it all goes wrong he is young enough to get a new job and start again

Oh how lovely. I'd be so excited for my kids if they did this. But I'd also make sure they had an international SIM and my credit card for emergencies :)

And I know you've heard this plenty but under no circumstances should he carry any of her stuff through the airport. Appreciate it might sound insane but tragedies have happened this way and it's just good sense. They always ask if you're carrying items that don't belong to you for good reason - he would have to lie and then it's on him if anything is wrong.

He sounds like a young 24 so maybe just a chat of things that might come up and how he could handle them?

I wouldn't worry at all about the job at all unless it's a training programme or something he's giving up on - and even then it isn't that big a deal. He is so young and has decades to build a career.

One the one hand this seems like an amazing thing for him to do. I’d be supporting it. I wish I had gone travelling. We need those formative relationships to help us work out what we want in relationships and heartbreak is a fact of life we need to learn to cope with. So I would support him fully. He will find another job and this experience- the highs and lows, will shape him as a person.

On the other hand I share the concerns above that he’s been groomed as a potential drug mule. This is the exact pattern of behaviour. The chances are slim that this is happening and if it is he is unlikely to get caught but if it did the outcome is catastrophic and potentially life ruining.

So, I would be fully supporting because it’s the things in life we don’t do that we regret. I would ask him about his plans. Be excited with him. Let him know you are there if he needs anything. Then let him know you have one little worry and then ask him if he’s heard of drug muling. If he hasn’t then educate him. Tell him you trust his judgment of course but that you’d not be doing your job if you didn’t give him a heads up that this can happen and how to minimise the chance.

People saying he could just get another job, maybe it is different in Australia but many graduates in this country aren’t just walking into jobs. If he was on a graduate programme it might be foolish to just drop it.

I wonder if the sexes were reversed and it was a girl who had suddenly jacked her job in to go travelling for a year with a young lad she had only just met, people would be so enthusiastic

I assume they earn money as they travel or how else is he affording it?

It sounds amazing, that's the age for going fuck it and off you go round the world!

On the part about the girl clearly being a drug runner, it's perfectly normal for couples to share luggage.....