DS has quit his job to go travelling with a girl he just met

[ilosttheracoonjack]

I'm thinking I'm going to be told it is none of my business and to just be happy for him, but I am concerned so need some others views.

DS is 24, he has always been quite shy and kept himself to himself, more so since we moved to Australia when he was 11 as he was a confident child and lost it in his teens. He went to uni, he now has a good job and seems settled. In November he met a girl, she's 22, on her gap year. He had a relationship in his teens but nothing since. It has been like this girl has brought out a whole new side to him, he seems much more confident and relaxed.

Today he told us he has quit his job and they are going to finish her gap year together, mainly with those companies that organise gap year group tours, he seems excited. He is leaving next weekend, February, March & April SE Asia. May & June South America, July Central America then they will see what they feel like after.

TBH I am really apprehensive, this is very out of character and he doesn't really know this girl very well. DH thinks he has made a mistake quitting his job.

AIBU to be worried? Or as he is an adult is it on me to just leave him to it?

At 24 I randomly moved to Spain for a year with a guy I had only known dor 2 months

were now 30 years married (and yes we got jobs again despite “gaps” in our cvs

good luck to your son, great he is living his life

there is a huge shortage of engineers and he will still be employable!

I really can't agree with you here.

I am also in the Southern Hemisphere, but not Australia like the OP.

But, it is very much a common thing in our part of the world for young adults to up sticks and go and travel.

Bear in mind that we do not have access to a short flights to other countries like you do in the northern hemisphere. We cannot easily jump on a train or a ferry to another country for a week. Which also means that most travel done (a lot is to Europe), is usually a big trip and then it is usually extended to include other countries as well. As once they get back to their own country, they are back to stay most of the time.

So it is really not unusual for a young adult to have a gap in a cv and travel is put into those slots. And a lot of the time, this goes in the candidates favour. Not because they took a year of superficial vagrancy, but it would be looked at as gaining life experience elsewhere.

Yes, they haven't known each other long. But maybe they did just click and the girl has been wanting to travel, but didn't want to go alone. Which also makes sense.

If it doesn't work out, so be it.

He will always have the experience of travel. That cannot be taught in school or university.

Do you really need to ask why?

there are more jobs out there, let him enjoy life. he can be ground down later when he is our age!

Seems like the new lady brings out the best of him. Great news I think, just let them be, you’re young and in love once. Time to make memories and see the world.

He can always get another job, girlfriends don’t come so easily

OMG!
It will be the making of him, regardless whether the relationship endures.
Good on him!

That’s what I was thinking. Makes me nostalgic for the time when I was still young and free enough to go backpacking!

As per PP, totally understand your concern as a mum, but also sounds amazing opportunity for your son. Even if it goes wrong either the girl, he will probably still carry on as there are so many others including solo travellers doing these trips.

Absolutely support him with this and wave him off with a smile; sounds like she’s helped him regain his confidence so this could be the making of him. Far better life experience for him than another year at work, he’s got another 40 years of that to come!!

Fantastic news! Absolutely support him.

Adventure grows a person!

Seeing as he is a graduate and already had a job, it seems like a great time to go traveling. He'll likely be able to get another job when he returns. But, in the meantime, his confidence will bloom and he'll have an amazing time. I don't think it matters about the girl too much. Once traveling he will meet loads of new friendly people and if they part ways he might find the confidence to keep traveling by himself.

I'm really shocked at all these drug mule comments, while I understand the risk and appreciate there is always a chance, it seems like such a minuscule chance that it getting this much attention is odd.

I'll give background on the girl to maybe help, she is british/french, just graduated in the summer, she came to Aus in the spring (well our spring anyway), did a group tour here. DS met her in a bar, and she was picking up some work in the city over the summer to get some more money before continuing with her travels, DS has been able to join the group tours she had booked before she even met him, except one which they let her cancel and swap for another one that did have an extra space.

While I will tell DS to be vigilant, he isn't a young 24, he is very mature and not stupid, I trust him to follow his instincts and if that looks like him stuffing a few of her extra tee-shirts in his bag as hers is full then I don't think that is crazy or risky really at all.

Again, I do appreciate the advice but it seems like people are catastrophizing and jumping to worst case scenarios which there is 0 evidence to support there being anything above the most miniscule chance of happening.

He's not going to say "went travelling with someone I didn't really know" on his CV!

Reminds me of the time my DH elderly relative flew with him to Singapore. When asked the question was he carrying anything for anyone else, he answered yes! Because he has Christmas gifts for family from him in his bags. They took a little longer through customs than usual that trip!

I'd be delighted if my son decided to go traveling after uni or shortly after. I did it and it's an opportunity that opens your mind for life. I'm a great believer that men who have traveled are less likely to make stupid decisions during mid life crisis 🙂

This is MN. Moreover, it's aibu.sense and sensibilities rarely come to the fore here.
Some of us have noted that your son is a grown man who is unlikely to be a drug mule.
Ignore the hysterical 'put mouth on overdrive before engaging brain' responders!

Support him and also advise him to have his tax up to date and to ask that he discusses with you about any banking details that you might need to know about, passport info etc.

Can you advise him to leave an amount in savings in readiness for his return and for emergencies etc?

As a mother of an adult son I would have the same concerns. But you have to
let your children make their own way in the world. Even if things don’t work out it will be a massive learning experience for him and make him think twice before taking the similar steps in the future. I know you will worry for him but you have to show you are happy for him and support him and be there for him if things don’t work out.

Yeah I am not so sure about that last line in all honesty.

We (me and my ex husband, bf then) backpacked practically around the world in our 20's.

He was still a complete moron when he hit MLC.

I see what you are saying, totally agree about non-availability of short-haul flights for your part of the world, but what is this EXPERIENCE of travel? How does it benefit his CV? Wow, he can book a ticket on an Internet site! Wow, he can make it to the airport on time! And he can sip cocktails in a bar in Europe without getting into a brawl? I can't believe the employers would be so easily impressed - I never put my spade-and-bucket holidays in Spain on my CV - which would be an equivalent of modern gap year (mummy on Whatsapp daily, money wired at a drop of a hat, don't even have to know how to read a guide-book, don't need to read maps - google maps will shout TURN RIGHT NOW). You can't simply put 'gap year' on your CV these days and expect your employer to be singling you out from other applicants. Yes, even in the early 1990s a gap year, when you had to read maps, could not easily wire money and had to be responsible not to lose your AmEx traveller's cheques and your mummy was not on Whatsapp and you were not on her tracker was an achievement. But sorry, not now.

That’s great. You know your son best so if you trust his instincts and he is sensible then just wave him off with a smile. I think your first OP may be sounded like you thought he was a bit naive and star struck. You seemed unnerved at the speed of it. That got people to consider the risks along with you. It’s good to be aware but I agree, it’s not a reason not to go.

I think with risk assessments you figure out the likelihood of something happening and the consequences if it does. Here the likelihood is tiny. But the consequences are catastrophic. So it shouldn’t stop him doing it as, like you say, the chances of this being an issue are tiny, but, as the consequence could be catastrophic it’s a good idea that he knows that this is a risk so, like you say, he carries the extra T-Shirts but not the funny looking statue bought at the market.

Every time we travel on a motorway there is a risk of a serious accident. The chances are slim but the consequences could be catastrophic. So we minimise the risk by taking driving lessons, having a speed limit and driving carefully. It doesn’t mean we stop driving.

So give him a quick heads up about the risk (sandwiched between lots of excited curiosity and interest) and tell him to have the best time of his life.

Sounds like a great opportunity!

He sounds quite innocent so I would be worried as a mum about him setting off. As he hasn't know this girl for that long (only 3 months???) I would be cautious about them travelling the whole trip together and make sure he knows how to make arrangements himself if they did go their separate ways. I imagine at the moment they see eachother for dates, I don't know whether they are planning on a shared room together when travelling or bunking up with others? If it's just the 2 of them this is when annoying habits about the other can be discovered and the honeymoon period ends. Also it's easy to get caught up in the excitement and she sounds like an experienced traveller and may have her set ideas or how to do things. I am not sure I would have gone on holiday with someone I had only known for 3 months, let alone plan on going away for a little while.
It's good she has perhaps enabled your son to come out of his shell to do this through, as it's a good time before he settles down (if that's what he wants in the future).

Drugs

I can see your concern as a mother I'd be worried too.
It sounds exciting but he has only met this girl doesn't really know her.
Hopefully he has the best time of his life. Make some great friends along the way and who will look out for each other

Is it any wonder he lacks confidence with parents like you?? All you did in your post was criticize him and talk him down. All you have to say about his adventurous plans is negative. Can you not see the connection between your lack of support and his lack of confidence??

Give your son a break. He’s young and this is the ideal time to quit a job and explore the world. So what if it doesn’t work out with this girl? He’s 24! He’ll be fine. Let him live his life, give him a chance to be happy - if you go around spoiling everything for him, he will soon distance himself from you.

I don’t think one thing or another when see a gap year on someone’s CV - minus a vague sense of jealousy that I never had the opportunity (I grew up in the states and had never heard of such a thing) It’s a valid reason to take a pause so I just move on to considering the rest of it. I mostly hope they don’t flag up their gap year on their cover letter as some sort of ‘life experience’ as that’s always a stretch in the sense of employability (unless of course it was spent volunteering etc)

I’d be nervous too OP, that he was taking such a risk, albeit a very exciting one while he’s still a young man. But to be honest, you set the precedent by taking a bigger risk when you emigrated 13 years ago. He’s just doing the same as you did. Maybe he’ll marry this girl and decide to stay in Europe .