DS has quit his job to go travelling with a girl he just met

[ilosttheracoonjack]

I'm thinking I'm going to be told it is none of my business and to just be happy for him, but I am concerned so need some others views.

DS is 24, he has always been quite shy and kept himself to himself, more so since we moved to Australia when he was 11 as he was a confident child and lost it in his teens. He went to uni, he now has a good job and seems settled. In November he met a girl, she's 22, on her gap year. He had a relationship in his teens but nothing since. It has been like this girl has brought out a whole new side to him, he seems much more confident and relaxed.

Today he told us he has quit his job and they are going to finish her gap year together, mainly with those companies that organise gap year group tours, he seems excited. He is leaving next weekend, February, March & April SE Asia. May & June South America, July Central America then they will see what they feel like after.

TBH I am really apprehensive, this is very out of character and he doesn't really know this girl very well. DH thinks he has made a mistake quitting his job.

AIBU to be worried? Or as he is an adult is it on me to just leave him to it?

It won’t necessarily add to your CV in the way it might have but it won’t get in the way much. I would just think that someone who had taken time out to travel was interesting and I’d be a bit jealous. I wouldn’t be less likely to employ them. It does demonstrate qualities like willing to take a risk, a zest for life, being interested and curious about the world.

Drugs!

This is the stuff that stops folks having a mid life crisis.

The people who are trading red flags about the drugs mule thing are probably a bit older. There was a raft of news coverage in the 80s/ 90s and a very famous TV drama (Bangkok Hilton) about this issue. It still happens but doesn’t make the news as much. Usually it’s the other way around - young girl is charmed by good looking man, they go travelling together, she takes part of his luggage and gets arrested for drug smuggling. While it’s unlikely the speed of this courtship and where they’re going does mean it ticks all the boxes.

Op I agree it's really unlikely she'll be using him as a drugs mule. But actually in reality just tell him to be careful what he says to customs etc. He needs to say he packed his back himself and it's only his and his girlfriends things etc. or he could end up being searched by customs etc.

Some jobs let you take a career break if you apply so the job is still there for you on your return. A bit of paperwork but it saves them having to recruit to a permanent role and saves you having to reapply.

For an introverted young nan who has missed out on a fair bit, this is an excellent thing for him. A fantastic adventure. He is very young with plenty of time to pick up his career afterwards and no real ties or responsibilities so nothing to lose and much to gain. However I completely get how this must feel for you. The son you know feels like he has disappeared. You're probably concerned that this woman you barely know has had such influence, and the 'see how we feel' is sufficient that you may worry you'll ever 'get him back'. Try not to worry. People dont tend to conpletely change, they just discover and explore new sides to thenselves. Stay supportive and happy for him.

I’ve always wished I had travelled more like that when I was that age. It’s much more difficult to do these things when you are older. I doubt he will regret it, whether or not it works out with the girl. It will be an enriching experience.

I don't think it's about it being an 'achievement', more demonstrating that he didn't spend the year dossing around gaming or whatever.

@5128gap what has he missed out on?

I travelled the world for two years between 23 and 25. I wouldn’t be the person I am today if it weren’t for those experiences and the people I met.

That was 30 years ago and I’ve had a good career.

I used to trust people I’d only just met in my 20s, by relying on my instinct. Typical when you’re young. But he should be a little wary about travelling with a woman he barely knows. There are dodgy people out there. Was she travelling solo? Has he met any of her friends or spoken to her family. Did she approach him in the bar or did he approach her? Have you got her and her family’s contact details in case you can’t get hold of your DS?

If he’s not that streetwise, I’d have a gentle chat with him about staying safe. Don’t agree to carry her stuff on flights or at border crossings. Don’t pay for her if she suddenly doesn’t have enough money. Don’t leave her alone with his cards, money or passport. Be careful about drinks offered to him rather than ones he buys. And generally trust his gut in any situation.

I’m sure he’ll have a ball. I wish my son would do this.

He doesn't know her that well, you said. She may be carrying something illegal (drugs)

He’s the best age for this type of decision. Once you get responsibilities it becomes much harder to travel. Is he still living at home or does he have his own place?
My 24yo did a month trip to Bali last May as she wanted to travel. She went with camp Bali as had nobody to travel with. It has made her grow up in a good way and now she has a boyfriend they are thinking of going to Indonesia this year. They are both at home so can put their money into this for the moment. She managed to get unpaid time off from her job so could go back to it. Your son should explore if his workplace might do similar before completely quitting (assuming he likes his work).

Best thing I ever did was quitting my job at 22 and go travelling for 10 weeks. Returned with a whole new outlook on life, increased confidence, renewed enthusiasm to work hard and "settle" after feeling like I'd got the travelling out of my system to some extent. Travel in your early twenties is wonderful and should be encouraged I think.

I haven’t read the whole thread but it is a good thing that he’s travelling as it’ll go down well with future employers, as he’ll show he has guts, new experiences and be broader minded. So just support him.

Honestly OP it sounds like the perfect adventure for a young person and will hopefully fill him with confidence, however it turns out with the girl.

(Also almost this exact scenario happened to friends of mine, and they've been married over 12 years with 2 kids now)

Please ignore the absolute loons taking an offhand joke about him [physically] carrying her [heavy] bag and turning it into her being a drugs runner FFS. If she gave him a locked bag and said 'I'm on a different flight, please take this bag from Colombia to Madrid for me' then yes, big red flags. If he carries her heavy backpack from the bus to the check in desk where she checks it in under her own name, no red flags.

He will make memories that will last a life time. Be prepared, he may never come back.

That’s Mumsnet for you, but it probably is a good thing to be aware of (he probably was anyway given he’s a grown adult and is going travelling….!).

I think he’s doing exactly what a 24 year old should be doing, and hope he has a great time! In all likelihood it’s either now, or when he’s in his 50s+.

Also she sounds like a lovely girl from what you’ve said - makes him feel happy and confident. Sometimes things just are nice, and easy, and good. Don’t shit on it!

Go on, read the whole thread 😂

We have suggestion that he will become a drug mule and then doss around the for rest of his life.....

As an aside - I went to Canada for three months when I was 19 with a man I’d met once! We met via the chat column of a course we were both doing and snail mailed for a few months. We met at a youth hostel one weekend to see if we would get along a month before going!
It kind of turned out fine. We got together and had four children and were together 15 years before he became my ex.

Hooray! Your DS is growing up! Life is for living. He can get another job.

OP it sounds amazing. He'll have a great time and it may be rhe making of him (in terms of shyness etc). The job he has now he'll always have on his CV so no reason he won't get something similar on his return. He's 24 - he has the rest of his life to work!

The drug mule stuff is quite ridiculous 😅

I haven't read the whole thread, and as a parent, I completely understand your concerns. But the job market is very very different to how it used to be, having time travelling is not detrimental.

Our DS is a similar age when he left university, he got himself a job, to pay the bills. Then he left to go abroad for 6 months, when he came back, again got a job to pay the bills, and is now

abroad again DH and I were very concerned, but then we decided he is young, he is having the time of his life; he has his degree, we know when he is is working he works hard and does a good job. Added that it doesn't seem to be a problem to your career if you have a few jobs, and time out on your CV.

He may have to work until he's 70, so why not just enjoy these years?

My daughter went off on her own to travel at the start of 2023. We thought she was going for maybe 6 - 9 months. It was a year. She popped back at Xmas end of '23, went off again at start of '24 and did another year. She's back now to do a bit of work, get some savings and go off again. Everyone in the family is happy for her and also a bit puzzled. Her gran has tried to talk to her about a pension but it falls on deaf ears. All she wants is to see the world. It's out of our hands.

Good luck OP. I'm sure your son is sensible. I doubt he'l be gone for 2 years, unless he's got a heck of a lot of savings or he works his way across the world. It'll be ok. Character forming.

I’m guessing the job market is different in Australia

https://www.theguardian.com/money/article/2024/aug/29/uk-graduates-struggle-job-market#:~:text=Yet%2C%2054%25%20of%20employers%20told,graduate%20workers%20lacking%20relevant%20skills.