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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS has quit his job to go travelling with a girl he just met

290 replies

ilosttheracoonjack · 15/01/2025 04:11

I'm thinking I'm going to be told it is none of my business and to just be happy for him, but I am concerned so need some others views.

DS is 24, he has always been quite shy and kept himself to himself, more so since we moved to Australia when he was 11 as he was a confident child and lost it in his teens. He went to uni, he now has a good job and seems settled. In November he met a girl, she's 22, on her gap year. He had a relationship in his teens but nothing since. It has been like this girl has brought out a whole new side to him, he seems much more confident and relaxed.

Today he told us he has quit his job and they are going to finish her gap year together, mainly with those companies that organise gap year group tours, he seems excited. He is leaving next weekend, February, March & April SE Asia. May & June South America, July Central America then they will see what they feel like after.

TBH I am really apprehensive, this is very out of character and he doesn't really know this girl very well. DH thinks he has made a mistake quitting his job.

AIBU to be worried? Or as he is an adult is it on me to just leave him to it?

OP posts:
Stifledlife · 15/01/2025 08:10

He will have a brilliant time!
For those saying it makes no difference to his CV, 3 months backpacking around asia shows flexibility, resourcefulness and exposure to other cultures, even if "mummy (is) on whatsapp daily".
The drug mule thing is real and I'm afraid this girl is showing all the attributes of someone they would target. There are billions of dollars in the asian drug industry and an attractive, well mannered girl in need of money whilst travelling is exactly what they are looking for. Just tell him to NEVER carry anything for someone else.. no presents to her family when he comes home, no extra makup bottles or tubes whilst they are moving between countries. Even t shirts if they are folded and in a bag. Harsh but that should be a blanket rule.

Other than that.. WooHoo!!!!

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 15/01/2025 08:14

Sounds like a great opportunity for him. He has his whole life to focus on work again.
I see your concerns with not knowing her long but just let him know that he has a home to come back to at any point if it doesn’t work out.

beAsensible1 · 15/01/2025 08:15

suggesting that a 24 year old shouldn't take a punt and go travelling because they might not get a job is ridiculous.

he is a civil engineering graduate so i imagine not stupid and the girl is on her own gap year that is already organised, he is not looking after her.

it sounds like just what he needs. he s done all the right things, ticked all the boxes. we are in an extremely connected and online world, your phone works almost everywhere, there's 3/4/5g almost everywhere without need of a sim or an international number.

I hope has an excellent time OP, be happy for him i'm sure it will be the making of him regardless of whether the relationship lasts or not the memories will be forever.
you only need to remind him you're a call away and to take a couple of battery packs.

crumblingschools · 15/01/2025 08:17

I have been involved in some job interviews, now it might be the sector I am in, but very little regard was taken if anyone took a gap year, unless the work they did was relevant.

christmaslatte · 15/01/2025 08:19

ilosttheracoonjack · 15/01/2025 07:23

I'm really shocked at all these drug mule comments, while I understand the risk and appreciate there is always a chance, it seems like such a minuscule chance that it getting this much attention is odd.

I'll give background on the girl to maybe help, she is british/french, just graduated in the summer, she came to Aus in the spring (well our spring anyway), did a group tour here. DS met her in a bar, and she was picking up some work in the city over the summer to get some more money before continuing with her travels, DS has been able to join the group tours she had booked before she even met him, except one which they let her cancel and swap for another one that did have an extra space.

While I will tell DS to be vigilant, he isn't a young 24, he is very mature and not stupid, I trust him to follow his instincts and if that looks like him stuffing a few of her extra tee-shirts in his bag as hers is full then I don't think that is crazy or risky really at all.

Again, I do appreciate the advice but it seems like people are catastrophizing and jumping to worst case scenarios which there is 0 evidence to support there being anything above the most miniscule chance of happening.

You've met the Mumsnet herd. One finds something to have a go at you about, and then the rest pile on.

Yes, it's good that someone mentioned the drug mule thing as although a tiny chance, best to be aware. But all the rest piling on and having a go? They just want to have a go. Best ignored IMO.

Regarding your DS, in the kindest way, you are being U. It's great you've come here to talk it over before telling him not to go or similar!

It's totally understandable to be anxious about our DC going away but in reality it's a fantastic opportunity for him, especially if he's shy.

It sounds a lot more organised that when my generation went travelling, we set off with a hope and a prayer (possibly a guide book - no internet) and made it up as we went along! And parents home had to just hope for a postcard every few months! These days I'd be WhatsApping them pictures every 5 minutes!

Also well done him for getting a fantastic start to a career under his belt. He can go travelling and come back to solid foundations and job opportunities. Let him have some fun for a while, you're only young once! And, it could be the making of him, confidence wise.

Snowmanscarf · 15/01/2025 08:24

I’d be cautions that he’s only just met this girl, but you’re only young once.

(and don’t forget to get good travel insurance).

RedRiverShore5 · 15/01/2025 08:25

As long as he can afford it and don't expect you to bail him out when he gets home as he has given up his job, it's all good

Starsandall · 15/01/2025 08:26

It may do his confidence wonders. It may not last but he can travel without her and meet other people. When I was his age I wanted to travel more and my partner didn’t so I didn’t do it. Massive regret. They say you regret what you don’t do. Plus there will be other jobs and opportunities he is young! Maybe this girl is the one who knows unless they try, I think you have to trust him.

Clearinguptheclutter · 15/01/2025 08:28

I accidentally clicked Yanbu but what I mean is Yanbu to be concerned, from a mum pov

however from the pov of someone else who travelled a lot in their early 20s (albeit not to follow a certain person) yabu. It will be good for him. If he has an itch to travel it makes more sense to do it now than in the future.

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 15/01/2025 08:31

He's 24, still plenty of time to settle in to the hum drum of daily work and responsibilities.

Whilst I would be worried sick and sad to see my kids leave, I'd also be supremely jealous of the journey and self discovery he is about to experience. True, this girl may not be "the one" but if he has fun and chalks up some experiences that many people only dream of then good for him.

TheThreeCheesesOfTheApocalypse44 · 15/01/2025 08:31

Good for him. He's only going to be this age once.....let him live before real life kicks in.

Member984815 · 15/01/2025 08:32

Have you met her? Spent time in her company, gauged what sort of person she is ? I'm sure your son knows his own mind , whether the relationship works out or not he will have had a wonderful experience travelling and you say yourself he's more confident and happy now. I'd be encouraging but let him know if he gets fed up he's welcome back anytime no questions.

BigDahliaFan · 15/01/2025 08:33

My stepson is about to do the same, albeit he’s known his girlfriend longer, but not been going out long. Frankly I wish he’d done it a bit younger as he’s more established in his job now.

but they are going to do whatever they are going to do. I travelled after uni for about 5 years then started working properly. It’s never held me back.

viques · 15/01/2025 08:34

Make sure he has the very best insurance you can find, make sure it covers all his proposed travel and a bit extra in case they stay on longer, maybe pay for it yourself so you know it is as watertight as it can be. Warn him about things like mopeds and some sports which can negate even the best insurance then let him loose.

It could be the making of him, restoring his confidence and giving him a focus in his life.

merrymelodies · 15/01/2025 08:35

My DC are both now in their early 20s. I have always encouraged them to travel while they're still young. Let him go and wish him well, OP.

5128gap · 15/01/2025 08:35

crumblingschools · 15/01/2025 07:56

@5128gap what has he missed out on?

Being confident and relaxed. If you don't feel those things you're going to miss out on a great deal of what life has to offer and your enjoyment of what you do do will be inhibited. OPs son is now more of both and wants to do things he didn't before, like travel.

Cynic17 · 15/01/2025 08:38

"He seems much more confident and relaxed" - OP, you said it yourself. This is brilliant news! Even if the relationship doesn't last, it's a wonderful opportunity for him. I certainly regret not travelling more when I was young - maybe because my cautious, stuffy parents never encouraged me?

And you're right too, OP, that it's absolutely none of your business. He's 24, FFS - he doesn't even need to tell you where he is and what he's doing.
I hope he has a wonderful trip.

Destiny123 · 15/01/2025 08:38

Sounds amazing. Wish I'd had a gap year, planned one for a break in training in 2020, funnily enough as an icu/anaesthetic Dr that plan failed. Now it's nigh on impossible on a training plan unable to get more than 2wks at a time v easily

crumblingschools · 15/01/2025 08:39

One thing I find quite interesting is when people talk about having multiple holidays there are always some posters talking about environmental concerns/climate change. None of these questions seem to appear when talking about young people travelling to multiple countries on a gap year

LilacPony · 15/01/2025 08:44

I think it’s wonderful. Support, support him.

If I was interviewing people and saw on their CV they quit their job at 24 to go on an adventure, I would think that showed a lot of courage to do. I would like the sound of their personality and want that sort of person on my team.

MermaidMummy06 · 15/01/2025 08:47

Well, I'm Australian and this is common. Life bogs you down so fast, they should enjoy life while young & free.

Employers won't penalise him if he's been off for a bit travelling, as long as he doesn't have multiple gaps that make it look like he'll bugger off again.

Ensure he's prepared with information on each destination, money, communication and Fgs get top travel insurance & ensure it doesn't run out (happened to a local boy who ended up in hospital after he overstayed his insurance by a few days!). Also that he doesn't fund anyone else.

Gosh, what an amazing opportunity!

TheYeaSayer · 15/01/2025 08:48

If not now, when he's young guy and carefree, then when? Why wish a life of drudgery till 65 on him?
He'll get another job when he gets back.

My DD is only settling down now, at 30, into her dream (but not highly paid) job. Got a 1st at Oxford, then travelling and doing fun things for the past few years. She could've been richer by now, but certainly not happier.

AnxietyLevelMax · 15/01/2025 08:48

I am in my mid 30s, DH, kids, mortgage, job, i wish i had an opportunity and some balls to do that 15 years ago! Its an experience, he will find another job, he is young, got some experience already work wise so hopefully won’t be so hard to find something when he comes back, there wont be another time he can do it.
I understand you must be worried because anything could happen but most of the time nothing happens so dont let intrusive thoughts cloud your judgment. Make sure he’s got a travel insurance covering medical etc.

Rosebeds · 15/01/2025 08:49

I think it sounds like a wonderful experience. When I was very early 20s I went abroad with guys I’d been dating for less than 3 months, 3 separate times — third one became my husband. It can really work out! Travel is a great education and can also be an incredible way to get to know someone. He’s only 24, with a great qualification.

NigelHarmansNewWife · 15/01/2025 08:50

No one is taking anything away from the OP's son having a great time seeing some of the world by mentioning being alert to drug running, etc. The advice always used to be to line your rucksack with chicken wire so thieves can't slit your bag open easily and take the contents. It's what my friends did many moons ago. You should always take precautions on any trip. He'll need insurance too and a scan of his passport, just in case.