Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS has quit his job to go travelling with a girl he just met

290 replies

ilosttheracoonjack · 15/01/2025 04:11

I'm thinking I'm going to be told it is none of my business and to just be happy for him, but I am concerned so need some others views.

DS is 24, he has always been quite shy and kept himself to himself, more so since we moved to Australia when he was 11 as he was a confident child and lost it in his teens. He went to uni, he now has a good job and seems settled. In November he met a girl, she's 22, on her gap year. He had a relationship in his teens but nothing since. It has been like this girl has brought out a whole new side to him, he seems much more confident and relaxed.

Today he told us he has quit his job and they are going to finish her gap year together, mainly with those companies that organise gap year group tours, he seems excited. He is leaving next weekend, February, March & April SE Asia. May & June South America, July Central America then they will see what they feel like after.

TBH I am really apprehensive, this is very out of character and he doesn't really know this girl very well. DH thinks he has made a mistake quitting his job.

AIBU to be worried? Or as he is an adult is it on me to just leave him to it?

OP posts:
limegreenheart · 15/01/2025 05:01

I write this as someone who could very easily have been "the girl".

Of course you worry about your child, even though he's an adult. He's doing something that seems out of character to you, and something that makes you anxious about his future. It's hard to say from your post if he's doing it because he has fallen hard for this person - but I suspect it might be more than that, and he might be doing something now that he might have wanted or needed to do anyway. You say you moved to Aus when he was 11 - it's not usual that he might feel that he has unfinished business elsewhere, and/or that he might have questions now about where is the best place geographically to be as an adult. Travelling is a great way to explore that.

On the plus side - he is being honest with his family about it.

What I would do is make sure he has thought things out, and urge him to keep what ties he can in Aus (and elsewhere if he has them - for example in your home country). If he has a good job, can he maybe arrange to do some work for them remotely as he travels? If not, urge him to at least give as much notice as he can and keep options open with his employer in case he arrives back and needs employment. And suggest he stay in touch with current colleagues, clients, etc - I'm not sure what is used in Australia right now, but something like LinkedIn might work.

Keep communications open with him. Let him know now that he can go, he can come back, and wherever he is in the world and whatever has happened, you are always there for him.

partygarden · 15/01/2025 05:03

Sounds like an amazing adventure, I'm jealous!

rwalker · 15/01/2025 05:12

One one hand he’s 24 and if he doesn’t do it now he never will

my reservations are he 24 been through uni got a good job starting to earn and build a career then he’s quit and gone back to square 1 how does it look in a cv to bin off the first job you got after a short time
travelling and being with someone you don’t really know 24/7 is very intense
and if she ends up pregnant

procrastinatorgator · 15/01/2025 05:18

It sounds amazing! I backpacked so much in my life and there's not a single trip I've ever regretted. Even if they break up, he will have the time of his life and meet amazing people and go to amazing places. What an adventure! Good for him!

merediththethird · 15/01/2025 05:26

It’s the kind of thing you’d almost certainly regret on your deathbed if you didn’t do! He could perhaps ask to take a sabbatical. They might well understand too.

This post has made me so wistful for youth, romance and carefree adventure … (she says breastfeeding a tiny, grumpy baby in the early hours!)

suki1964 · 15/01/2025 05:29

Im the auntie in the UK who hosts my nieces and nephews from Oz when they are away travelling the world with their then partners

Sure every time they come they have been they have come with someone new

Its so much a right of passage for Australians to travel the world whilst they are young - even ex pats

Our own son took off back packing to Australia about 9 years ago, hes settled there now, just got married in 2023 - in Italy - because of the friendships hes made from his travels meant a real mix of nationalities travelling from all over the world to celebrate with him. He has gone from a lad with no prospects, who sat in his room on the x-box - to having a Sydney Harbourside apartment , and flys around the world buying coffee, doing demonstrations in huge arenas , goes from living on rural farms in Colombia where he needs security to waltzing into Michelin star restaurants with aplomb

Also in 2023 I hosted niece and her friend for two weeks whilst they rested between organised tours - the big coach tour company the youngsters use - cant mind the name - and OMG they were having the most amazing time

Both nephews have been as well for a rest after doing Europe before heading on to another continent , they come with different partners or alone , they too have had great times . All three of them have grown into wonderful young people, full of confidence

Let him go and experience life at its best - and worse - it will be the making of him

Ladyzfactor · 15/01/2025 05:39

At 24 he has his whole life ahead of him to work. I hope he has fun. When I was his age I moved from America to Germany for 6 months. Some of the best times of my life.

Honestandkind · 15/01/2025 05:45

ilosttheracoonjack · 15/01/2025 04:34

I'll pass the advice on, but can I ask why?

Show quote history

Drugs through customs

Wildwalksinjanuary · 15/01/2025 05:47

I would be genuinely thrilled if my dc announced this. It’s the very best chance he has to explore and see the world. Great he is going with someone wide too. I would be wholly supportive.
Thoughts of my travelling days keep me going even now and I am 50! It was an incredible education in itself!

Octavia64 · 15/01/2025 05:47

Honestly I would have been more concerned about him just following what he was expected to do - school, job, blah.

I'd be very happy that he is going off and doing something for himself.

PrioritisePleasure24 · 15/01/2025 05:54

I did a small amount of travelling at 24, was brilliant. He is young. If anything happens like a fall out he can get a flight home surely. Let him live life a bit! Life is short and can get seriously quickly so let him be: maybe a word in his ear about safety etc.

OTannenbaumOTannenbaum · 15/01/2025 05:55

Definitely a good thing, op. An amazing opportunity and experience. And it adds to a CV. He'll get another job when he comes back. He has his whole life to work. He's about to do something brilliant for him.

Zanatdy · 15/01/2025 05:57

I’d be happy if my shy child suddenly did something like that. He can get another job, you’re only young once. I understand the sensible head is saying that’s silly, but sometimes you have to throw caution to the wind and take some risk. Hope he has a blast.

Oblomov25 · 15/01/2025 05:57

And the problem is? How exciting to go travelling for a year. Good on him!

SALaw · 15/01/2025 06:02

I wish I had done that at his age too

pilates · 15/01/2025 06:04

If he can’t do it now when can he? I would be pleased for him - exciting times!

PheasantPluckers · 15/01/2025 06:04

He's so young, he can pick up his career when he returns. It might really increase his confidence too.

Bangkok Hilton though! I remember watching that as a child (probably too young) and it's scarred me for life - no-one touches my case 😂

Zanatdy · 15/01/2025 06:06

Laughing so much about how this thread went from a lighthearted joke from her son that his gf would have too much stuff to carry, to her being a big drugs mule, recruited to snare someone and he will end up spending 25yr in some hell hole jail. Yes of course it’s sensible advice never to take someone else’s luggage but this lighthearted comment has been taken way out of context and is not a blooming red flag. Seriously.

Carodebalo · 15/01/2025 06:10

How wonderful for him. So exciting - and well planned too. You say it’s out of character for him but you also say he was a confident child. I think he may be on a path not only to discover the world but to (re)discover his true self as well! I’d be so happy for him. The job can wait!

ThejoyofNC · 15/01/2025 06:14

Was he in a job or a career?

endofthelinefinally · 15/01/2025 06:17

Zanatdy · 15/01/2025 06:06

Laughing so much about how this thread went from a lighthearted joke from her son that his gf would have too much stuff to carry, to her being a big drugs mule, recruited to snare someone and he will end up spending 25yr in some hell hole jail. Yes of course it’s sensible advice never to take someone else’s luggage but this lighthearted comment has been taken way out of context and is not a blooming red flag. Seriously.

I suppose it depends what one's personal experiences have been. It doesn't harm to advise caution. Particularly as the risks hadn't even crossed OP's mind.

ItFellOffAgain · 15/01/2025 06:19

endofthelinefinally · 15/01/2025 04:39

Drug running. If anyone asks you to carry something in your bag it is a massive red flag.

Show quote history

Dear god, get a grip. He's going backpacking. He's 24. I'm sure he's seen enough programmes to know not to do this. He's not some daft sod who's been offered a 'free holiday' for carrying a suitcase....
Stop pissing on his chips, and stop worrying @ilosttheracoonjack . People have lives to lead!

Chuchoter · 15/01/2025 06:20

I'd be very wary that she has latched in to him so quickly and appears to have love bombed him to turn his head to such an extent that he's packed his job in and now has a travel itinerary with her.

He may have been targeted to be an unwitting drug mule.

Is she very attractive, perhaps more attractive than he would usually date?

If not and it's genuine, then travelling is great. All of ours had a year out to travel the world and returned safely.

Clarabell77 · 15/01/2025 06:22

endofthelinefinally · 15/01/2025 04:28

Never never carry stuff for someone else. NEVER.

Show quote history

I think this advice is more about randoms you’ve met on holiday, not long term partners ffs.

Rosejasmine · 15/01/2025 06:23

Enjoy life, have fun and travel when you are young and have no responsibilities,
Better to be happy no?

Swipe left for the next trending thread