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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Christmas Presents from Boyfriend

184 replies

PandyDandy · 14/01/2025 19:39

I don't want to appear ungrateful but I am upset that for Christmas I made a lot of effort and bought my boyfriend of 1 year several presents that I knew he would love, which he did.

His presents to me were a bag of what I would describe as 'junk bits and bobs' and a print out of voucher for a couple of activities, although he hasn't actually purchased a voucher, it was 'I owe you' situation.

The bag of junk came to around £80 and the presents I purchased him came to around £300. I know money should not matter but I saved up to get him really nice presents I knew he would love and earn considerably less than him. He is well off and doesn't have financial difficulties.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Wavescrashingonthebeach · 14/01/2025 19:41

What was in the bag of "junk" other than vouchers?
Is he kind and generous at other times?
Some people just aren't "presentey" people and either need a bit of guidance in this regard or thought needs to be made if its a deal breaker.

Floralnomad · 14/01/2025 19:42

Perhaps he’s not an imaginative gift giver . Look at the bigger picture , what is he like normally stingy or generous ?

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 14/01/2025 19:42

Fwiw I think £300 is a bit much to be spending if you had to save up to do it. Around the £100 mark is normal. But obviously different for everyone's financial situation.

username2851 · 14/01/2025 19:43

£80 is alot for me! £300 is OTT

Original poster
PandyDandy · 14/01/2025 19:44

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 14/01/2025 19:41

What was in the bag of "junk" other than vouchers?
Is he kind and generous at other times?
Some people just aren't "presentey" people and either need a bit of guidance in this regard or thought needs to be made if its a deal breaker.

A cosmetic item (£30), a book and chocolate/biscuits.

He isn't overtly generous, for instance I've never had 'just because' flowers.

OP posts:
Movinghouseatlast · 14/01/2025 19:44

How can 'junk' cost £80?

Did you agree a budget? It was your first Christmas together so unless you had a budget it's hard for either of you to know what to spend.

I think £300 is a lot to spend on a new boyfriend. I spend about £175 on my partner of 28 years!

sesquipedalian · 14/01/2025 19:44

People are very different in what they consider reasonable by way of presents. You’ve only been going out a year - did he know your expectations? Had you dropped hints that were ignored? Perhaps in your BF’s family, Christmas is a much lower key affair than it is in your family. Perhaps the things he gave you were the sort of,thing he’d seen female members of the family getting. I don’t think that either of you got it wrong, just that clearly, you have different expectations.

missmollygreen · 14/01/2025 19:45

You sound really entitled OP

HoppityBun · 14/01/2025 19:46

The is that you’re comparing what you spent on him with what he spent on you.
Why are you that?
Why did you spend so much on him?
How could he have known both a)/what you were spending on him and b) that you expected him to spend the same on you?

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 14/01/2025 19:46

One year, I bought a boyfriend a gold eyebrow bar (it was the 2000's!) and some aftershave.

He gave me £10 in a card.

We didn't last much longer.

Cosyblankets · 14/01/2025 19:46

Our budget was about 250
We're married
We spend what we can afford
Christmas is commercialised enough without having to save when you're not earning that much.
What did you do for each other's birthdays?

OnceMoreWithAttitude · 14/01/2025 19:46

What sort of experiences?
Dinner in a Michelin * restaurant?
Tickets to a great show?
A trip to KFC?

Original poster
PandyDandy · 14/01/2025 19:47

I asked him what he wanted and purchased what he asked for, plus a couple of small gifts.

I said that 'perfume would be lovely' when he asked and told him what perfume I liked hut he ignored this.

OP posts:
verycloakanddaggers · 14/01/2025 19:47

Did you agree a budget?

£300 is a lot. £80 seems more reasonable I think.

Sparrow7 · 14/01/2025 19:48

£80 is a lot to spend on someone. I spent £40 on my husband of 26 years, and that is more than usual. Why do you describe his presents as a bag of junk? Was it the way they were presented? You sound mean and entitled.

ClearFruit · 14/01/2025 19:48

You sound very entitled. An expensive make up item, a book, and some sweet treats. I'd love that. It sounds like you spent a ridiculous amount on him, in the hope that he would do the same. You need to get over yourself.

Original poster
PandyDandy · 14/01/2025 20:01

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 14/01/2025 19:41

What was in the bag of "junk" other than vouchers?
Is he kind and generous at other times?
Some people just aren't "presentey" people and either need a bit of guidance in this regard or thought needs to be made if its a deal breaker.

Chocs that I had seen in his kitchen months ago, a book (autobiography) about someone I have no interest in and a tin of biscuits and body lotion.

I asked him what he wanted and did my best to get them as he kept dropping hints. Which is why I spent £300.

OP posts:
Original poster
PandyDandy · 14/01/2025 20:05

Floralnomad · 14/01/2025 19:42

Perhaps he’s not an imaginative gift giver . Look at the bigger picture , what is he like normally stingy or generous ?

He has always said 50/50 on things - he dropped huge hints on what he wanted so I did my best - obviously 50/50 didn't happen for Christmas.

OP posts:
Screamingabdabz · 14/01/2025 20:07

I’d be upset too op. It’s not about the actual items or the cost - it’s the thought and effort. It’s a bag of ‘you’re not worth the effort’. I’d be having serous doubts about the future of the relationship unless he makes it up to you and promises to do better.

Original poster
PandyDandy · 14/01/2025 20:09

Movinghouseatlast · 14/01/2025 19:44

How can 'junk' cost £80?

Did you agree a budget? It was your first Christmas together so unless you had a budget it's hard for either of you to know what to spend.

I think £300 is a lot to spend on a new boyfriend. I spend about £175 on my partner of 28 years!

I asked him what he wanted and got the items - he didn't ask me what I would like. I really don't expect anything except a bit of thought which didn't happen. Think that's why I'm upset.

OP posts:
RoaRiRi · 14/01/2025 20:10

I would describe myself and financially comfortable and spend about £100 on DH for Christmas (he spends about the same in return).

StrawberryWater · 14/01/2025 20:11

I wish my husband would spend £80 on me. For xmas this year I got a jigsaw puzzle, a mug and a blanket. I had to ask him if he'd mistaken me for his grandmother.

StrawHatLuffy · 14/01/2025 20:13

Present monetary value means little to me.
The effort and thought means everything.

I'd rather get 1 thing that shows my partner knows me, loves me, thought about me etc. than a bag full of expensive shite

So, if he got you £80 worth fo stuff he knows you'll love because he knows you and thought about you - fantastic. Of he got you £80 worth of tat in a last minute run to Sainsbury's, fuck him off, he ain't worth it.

Original poster
PandyDandy · 14/01/2025 20:13

missmollygreen · 14/01/2025 19:45

You sound really entitled OP

would you feel upset if you asked your BF what he would like (and he kept telling me) to get no effort back.

I am sorry if I have appeared entitled.

OP posts:
Mummyratbag · 14/01/2025 20:14

It was cheeky of him to ask for £300 worth of stuff knowing he would not spend in the same ball park, unless he didn't expect all the items or the vouchers are worth similar.