Christmas Presents from Boyfriend

[PandyDandy]

I don't want to appear ungrateful but I am upset that for Christmas I made a lot of effort and bought my boyfriend of 1 year several presents that I knew he would love, which he did.

His presents to me were a bag of what I would describe as 'junk bits and bobs' and a print out of voucher for a couple of activities, although he hasn't actually purchased a voucher, it was 'I owe you' situation.

The bag of junk came to around £80 and the presents I purchased him came to around £300. I know money should not matter but I saved up to get him really nice presents I knew he would love and earn considerably less than him. He is well off and doesn't have financial difficulties.

AIBU?

OP in the future if someone gives you a list of things they want for birthday/Christmas just pick a couple of items that you can afford.

I think some pp are being a bit harsh on you op. From your updates it’s clear you’re upset by the lack of thought and effort and that’s fair. Some men are just rubbish at gift giving but only you will know if this is a reflection on your relationship as a whole or not.

It's been a YEAR. Calm down you're trying to hard.

YANBU. His presents are thoughtless and crap.

These comments are honestly pointless.

Sounds like you're just mismatched when it comes to gifting. £80 is a reasonable amount to spend on a partner your first Christmas together, £300 was your choice even if he asked for the stuff and pretty excessive- if you were giving in the hope to receive the same amount back then wait until you know someone better.

Everyone is different and some people would be happy with that. I would not be and neither are you so I would take it as a sign you are not compatible and move on . Good luck x

According to Martin Lewis, the average gift spend for Christmas 2024 was £300. The fact that your boyfriend asked for something that cost so much is entitled in itself (unless the list of ideas totalled that and you happened to buy the lot !)
Did you mean to spend that much or did you misunderstand ? Crossed wires ??
As you say though, this is not about the money, it is about the thought and I can hear the upset in your tone. I always say go with your gut. It is rarely wrong. Disappointment is a horrible feeling to have in a relationship so early on. There is the potential for this to continue. How would you feel then ??
Whatever you do next, he needs to know how this has upset you. If his response is complacent and defensive, you have your answer !

What kind of activity vouchers where they and how many?

It doesn’t matter what Mumsnet thinks. Trust your gut. If he spent £80 on something you really liked and presented it well I don’t think you would have posted. You don’t need to settle.

I think the point is not the actual gifts it’s that you don’t feel heard, and that’s a hard pill to swallow I hear you @PandyDandy my ex used to do this, get me stuff that was in therapy a good gift, but not want I needed nor asked for.
My current DP got me beautiful earrings that I can wear everyday. A book by an author I said I liked last year, some primer I was looking for, bath bombs because I take baths weekly to relax, and a little personalised book that brought tears to my eyes. I have never felt more understood and listened to.

You sound kind, thoughtful and generous. He does not.

Second hand chocolates? IOU vouchers ffs? And we all know the book is a regift, with lotion from Tesco.

You deserve better OP.

The reason it stings so much is not the money but because this is a clear sign of the lack of care and effort he puts into your relationship, perhaps you've noticed it in other ways and other areas, and this is the first clear example of it. You don't have to stay in a relationship that makes you feel bad about yourself, or makes you feel like you aren't worth making an effort for.

It's obvious really that it's not actually about the cash value , but about the thought put into it, or more precisely lack of.

I think your first mistake was not setting a budget. We have had 9 Christmasses together and still set budgets for each other each year! Was the list of bits he gave you a list of suggestions and you just happened to buy them all or was it a definitive list of things he wanted?

I'm sorry OP but he isn't that into you.
His 50/50 comment and luck of effort shows that you should stop investing into this relationship.

was he expecting you to get all of the things he mentioned, knowing they cost £300 altogether? Or did he give you some suggestions and you brought them all? If the former I think he’s been quite grabby to expect a girlfriend on 12 months to spend £300 on him and then buy you stuff for much less with crappy IOU vouchers.

I'd then book the treatment with him there for a really nice place and hand the phone over for him to input credit card details and pay for it! Get something out of this OP.
He was clearly very thoughtless!

Spending £300 on a present is way over the top. There are lots of ways to show someone you love them - not just gift giving. Does he do other stuff for you? Like DIY or gets your car serviced? Read 5 love languages

Dont suck it up. Never buy him another thing if you stay with him. He sounds like he knows exactly what he is doing and doesn't care because you dont say anything. I would look for someone else who would appreciate £300 being spent on them. Wishing you good luck and hope next Christmas your with someone nice instead of this selfish arsehole.

I think the feeling of him not caring and palming off stuff is very off putting.
He couldn't be bothered to buy something decent or ran out of time. Either way the lack of effort is unattractive.

"One year, I bought a boyfriend a gold eyebrow bar (it was the 2000's!) and some aftershave."

It was the 2000s? Even so!

Why in the hell are you putting up with is behaviour? You are worth more

This was meant for Neodymium

You're daft to spend more than you can afford on a guy you've been seeing a year!

How was he supposed to know you'd get everything he'd mentioned and how was he supposed to match the value of the gifts if you hadn't discussed it?

If receiving thoughtful/ expensive gifts is important to you then you might need to tell him that! For many people (more men than women it seems) gifts buying is a hassle and not something they think of as important.