Christmas Presents from Boyfriend

[PandyDandy]

I don't want to appear ungrateful but I am upset that for Christmas I made a lot of effort and bought my boyfriend of 1 year several presents that I knew he would love, which he did.

His presents to me were a bag of what I would describe as 'junk bits and bobs' and a print out of voucher for a couple of activities, although he hasn't actually purchased a voucher, it was 'I owe you' situation.

The bag of junk came to around £80 and the presents I purchased him came to around £300. I know money should not matter but I saved up to get him really nice presents I knew he would love and earn considerably less than him. He is well off and doesn't have financial difficulties.

AIBU?

I don't think you sound entitled but many people don't think of "just because" gifts, like flowers.

You are right if you are disappointed by the lack of thought rather than the monetary value. If you stay together you might want to go firmer on your wishes for what he should give you.

In my experience men will show you how they view you through things like gifts. It could be either direction eg. Refusing to spend anything because he doesn’t see you as worth investing in, or other end of the spectrum buying you tons of stuff so he doesn’t have to give in other ways eg time, emotional investment etc.

Also look at the actual things he buys for you. They show you what he thinks about you. eg. Domestic items meaning you’re his servant, stuff he actually wants for himself meaning the obvious, IOUs meaning he knows you’re a pushover who’ll accept the promise of crumbs and he’ll never actually need to make good, he knows you’ll stick around anyway…

Go with your gut, these gifts mean something about your relationship and that’s why you’ve been agonising over it this long.

I read all the OPs posts. Funny how you criticise and someone else agrees. How wonderful we all have autonomy..

I know you are not married nor fighting about money but I think, OP, you would find this useful. It's about what money/spending represents in a relationship. But you have to be able to talk to him...
info.gottman.com/marriage-minute837-fighting-about-money?ecid=ACsprvs_uWmDFZSaPjaZocMSGuLgkQwdy-fX6o7H2a0QKLxpOBqLMX8T2Df8Za2-_y2XgySC05dE&utm_campaign=Marriage%20Minute&utm_source=hs_email&utm_medium=email&utm_content=343242728&_hsenc=p2ANqtz-_lXpi2XO-S6hkXG4BNXHpJRbLY9HxXXnpKNPww4kHbaRCxm-Co8gyyI7JrbRbQZyKk57zBZFjKl6GFA4w_cUcgo-Io9w

updating to say - I noticed upthread you've said you need to move on from it (or maybe from him) - good for you for realising it's going to get you nowhere, you deserve much better so don't let someone be such a cheapskate to you in future. I can't get over his stinginess of printing out vouchers, what does he think you are, a 5 year old?!!

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Sounds like you have a comms problem.

why aren't you talking with him about it, what do you expect MN to do.

you aren't unreasonable in wanting a thoughtful Christmas present, especially if he drops hints what he wants, but you won't get anywhere moaning about it to other people. If he's that mean and uncaring why aren't you still with him, he obviously makes you miserable.

Next time text him a list. With links in if necessary. Explain that whilst you appreciate he made an effort to get you something, you'd rather he spent his money on things you really (actually) want.

If he ignores this, then he's a thoughtless d**I and how you proceed is up to you but you need to decide whether it matters to you.

Mine does buy me flowers for no reason - but only if I'm standing looking at them in the supermarket 😂

Totally agree with @zanina on this.

He's asked for expensive stuff, earns well and yet still got you shiity cheap gifts with no thought put into them.

The whole 50 50 is a red flag too. If you love someone you want to treat them well , you're not bothered about counting every penny up to ensure things are fair.

You deserve so much better OP

Just out of interest this sounds exactly like my Ex he used to give me rubbish tat was a high earner!
It will not get any better 😂. Id bin him like the present's.

Honestly this is a nice Christmas gift for a boyfriend/girlfriend. Did you chat in advance and agree a budget...? If not then this is just a case of misaligned understandings on presents. In my family this level of gift would be very normal, clearly not in yours. It's annoying for you because you were on the rough end of the deal, just buy accordingly next time or agree a budget together. It reminds me of the friends episode "what if she got you 1 big presents, a bunch of medium presents and a whole load of little presents and you just get her 1 great present... why would you make her feel bad" if you don't discuss it, nobody knows!