Christmas Presents from Boyfriend

[PandyDandy]

I don't want to appear ungrateful but I am upset that for Christmas I made a lot of effort and bought my boyfriend of 1 year several presents that I knew he would love, which he did.

His presents to me were a bag of what I would describe as 'junk bits and bobs' and a print out of voucher for a couple of activities, although he hasn't actually purchased a voucher, it was 'I owe you' situation.

The bag of junk came to around £80 and the presents I purchased him came to around £300. I know money should not matter but I saved up to get him really nice presents I knew he would love and earn considerably less than him. He is well off and doesn't have financial difficulties.

AIBU?

Spend much less next time regardless of his hints for whatever costs £300. If he reacts badly then point this Christmas out. Richer people are often stingy. He is a bit thoughtless, and no you are not overreacting. Why is the bar so low for men doing things?

Why would you suck it up? You’re a grown up - so use your words. Tell him that you’re unhappy with this and say why.

There are so many of these threads on MN, with women just passively accepting behaviour that makes them unhappy. Often for years. Why?!

Is he a good man? Is he faithful? Does he treat people well? Is he honest? Don't dump him over this - you can re-train him.

Ah, another couple who can’t or won’t communicate then complain about.

Fuck that shit. If OP wanted a dog , she would get one.

A cosmetic item (£30), a book and chocolate/biscuits.

That doesn't add up to £80, does it?

Either way, it sounds like you got him what he asked for and he didn't do the same for you so I would have a conversation about that. I would have done it in December though, to be honest.

What did he ask for, out of interest?

That's not "a bag of junk".
What else is going on here? Is it because he doesn't bring you flowers?

I think this is the issue. In November/December have a discussion, share present ideas, give him a list. You're still simmering, so the communication isn't great.

They were chocs and biscuits she’s seen lying around his house months before and an autobiography of someone she has not expressed any interest in .

Don’t bin him off just based on this, if otherwise he’s a keeper then teach him.

It's not "junk". Just not what she wanted. She needs to talk to him about her expectations and the boyfriend should make more of an effort.

So why don’t you call in your vouchers? If you don’t like the band he suggested, find one you do and ask him to book that instead. Tell him you would like to have your beauty treatment next weekend. You chose to buy everything on his list, he wasn’t very good at taking hints of what you wanted, adjust your expectations.

Cash in that beauty voucher asap, OP, it can "expire" any moment!
The other voucher can wait.

A further update says chocolates, a tin of biscuits, body lotion, the biography and an unspecified cosmetic item costing £30.
Oh, and the vouchers.

It's hard to say because it's all relative. £300 and £80 mean different things to different people. And some people aren't very good at buying presents for their partners, especially if it's a new partner. He should not have hinted for expensive gifts though if he was not willing to put in effort for yours. Either you have a discussion about it early on before it sets the tone for the future of the relationship or you walk away. Personally I would give him another chance if everything else is good up to now.

@PandyDandy the disparity is he basically said what he wanted and you acted on it and you dropped hints and he didn’t. This will only change if you have a conversation (which may not go well) or, when he brings up the next thing (eg his birthday) you say ‘I’m going to ignore all your hints like you ignored mine at Christmas’ (bit mean hit makes the point.

Some men are just crap gift givers, but yes the chocolates is a clear sign of lack of care. I would get those vouchers booked asap to see his reactions and make your decision from there. But book a band you want to see. And make him pay. No 50/50 it's your present.

The fact that he asked for specific expensive gifts and then gave you such thoughtless ones is a huge red flag. Especially since you say that he is financially comfortable and earns much more than you. His gift seems like a slap in the face and, possibly, a test of what you will put up with. I would feel very hurt too if I were you and I would give serious thought to whether I wanted to stay with this person.

Anyone else just baffled by the maths? 😂

his gift cost £80 but the cosmetic item was £30, the box of chocs were already lying around his house, so the autobiography cost £50?

I think there was some sort of lotion, a tin of biscuits and the vouchers.

Read this out to my husband and he said “maybe he doesn’t like her much”.

I agree - the amount of effort someone puts into things like this is always indicative of how they feel about you.

I’m sorry OP. Think it’s time to move on from this loser.

Try and swipe your spenny presents from his house first though (the ones you bought).

YANBU

I also think £300 is way too much (I could afford it without saving up but would still baulk at such an expense). If you have to save for someone's Christmas presents - especially an adult's! - you can't afford them. Next time set expectations accordingly and don't fold to hinting.

I hope when you say ‘move on’ you mean dump his ass?
I would tell him you’ve found the beauty treatment you would like and ask him to pay as promised.

Then I would dump and enjoy the beauty treatment, bit childish but yep, that’s what I’d do. It’s shocking how he hinted for expensive gifts and gave you rubbish. He is a cheeky fucker. I don’t see how you could possibly have any respect for him after this, let alone love.

Just get rid of him, he's a selfish tightarse.

It sounds like he was lazy. That isn't appealing. It's the lack of thought and effort not the money that's upsetting. I've had homemade presents that cost nothing but time and thought that have meant a million times more to me than a more costly last minute grab. It makes you feel like he doesn't know you or doesn't care. Maybe it's bothering you because thsts how he makes you feel on other situations. In which case, trust your instincts.
also promise vouchers with no actual voucher are often worthless - you have to ask the giver to pay or deliver rather than simply cashing it in and I know from experience that in most cases the giver never offers to make it happen. The onus is on you and somehow it feels a bit grabby (can I have the cash for....).