Kid being gossiped about by mums.

[motheroffour1980]

Hi there,

I just want to throw this out there to get other parents opinions.

My 5 year old just started in a nice, small, school in the Midlands last September. All has being well so far and he’s happy and made new friends.

However in his class there’s one mum who has been complaining to all the other parents about this one boy in the class who has a tendency to curse.

She said he has been cursing nearly every day in front of her daughter.

I personally think it is an overreaction on her part and she shouldn’t be sharing it with us or the other mums.

I heard this all initially from one of the other mums who she had first said it to, then another parent and another who all equally expressed concern having heard it from her .. before she said it directly to me one day.

She said she was “concerned” about this boy who was cursing, and she had told the school. She had reported him to the teacher.

I personally believe it’s now up to all involved to rectify it all. It’s really none of my business and I don’t appreciate being dragged into a conversation about it.

Now here’s the thing. I asked her how her daughter felt about it, and she fumbled an answer that her daughter was fine.

So here is where I think she’s out of line. If her daughter is otherwise fine then why is she blowing this up? I feel like she is trying to smear this poor boy (and throwing shade at his parents) through her righteousness because, yes technically she is right and he shouldn’t be cursing.

If she has informed her own daughter that bad language is unacceptable and her daughter is otherwise fine, then why has she gone on about this for months?

I personally think issues like this should be kept private between the parents of the children in question and the teachers.

It feels like she is trying to smear this boy for his bad behaviour and I can’t help but thinking how young they are and kids make mistakes and still have a lot to learn.

Also other parents are now talking about this “bad boy” in this class, who is only 5 years old. To think that he might not get invited to play dates now because this sanctimonious, perfect mother has told everyone about him. He is otherwise a good kid.

Should I talk to the teacher about her? Are there guidelines for parents gossiping about kids, and getting overly involved, does anyone know? I’m new to all this!

Am I being unreasonable ?

Follow your own advice and stay out of it.

I personally wouldn't want my child to have a play date with kid who constantly swears, regardless of whether another mum had started a "campaign" against him.

He needs disciplining through the school and at home.

I would be glad to hear about this - I would not want my kid going to play at that kid's house nor would I have him at mine or at my kid's parties. If his parents can't bring him up properly, and not teach him to have a potty mouth at 5, it's not my problem.

Gossip is toxic, no matter who it is about, but in this case it does feel particularly caustic to do so about a child. She should have spoken to his mum - I would have asked her if she had. Other than that, I would stay out of it.

Is this your first experience of the politics of the Playground ?? Buckle up for the next 6 years, if it is.

I'm not sure why you're so invested in this except for if this is actually your child they're talking about? Otherwise it's so far none of your business that it doesn't make sense.

Yes exactly what @ExtraOnions said - welcome to the next 6 years. Stay out of it unless you want to spend the next 6 years with your dc and yourself becoming her next target.

My daughter is autistic and has suffered from this from the mums who think she is too harsh or swears (she sometimes copies things she hears). It's truly nasty imo.

This is the attitude I mean. A little judgmental maybe? How can you assume that he learnt the bad language from his parents, when he could have heard it from sports, outside school, neighbours, etc. Bear in mind he’s a great kid, has a tonne of energy. He might even have ADHD and find it hard to take direction. To be honest I cannot bare these heroic, perfect adults being so judgy of children, especially when we have so much knowledge of a range of behavioural issues in this modern day. Must be a lot of pressure for them and their kids to maintain perfection!

I mean I don’t really think it’s down to how a 5 year old feels in a situation. Not wanting open swearing at that age really isn’t being over the top.

It doesn’t have to be my child for me to have empathy for an otherwise good child who is being slandered by an adult.

She sounds like a bully. I'd speak to the teachers, I'm not sure if they will do anything but if they do have a word with her it might help. Awful behaviour gossiping about a 5 year old and trying to influence others to have a bad opinion on him.

How is it slander if she’s merely discussing an issue that is happening? Unless you’re saying she’s making it up and lying.

I wouldn’t facilitate my reception aged child spending time with a child who swears regularly in school either. I don’t see what’s wrong with that in your view.

I'm not sure how anyone could not care about an adult trying to have a 5 year old isolated from their class mates.

I’m sorry to hear that you’ve experienced that. This is exactly what I mean. I cannot understand the judgement and perfection some adults project. A child needs empathy and patience. Sometimes adults are the worst bullies.

She sounds like a right bully, I'm glad you think it's not ok for a grown adult to be creating a kangaroo court isolating a 5 year old from friends. By all means keep your precious child away from him but fuck me, she's way out of order.

Oh for goodness sake you're making a massive mountain out of a mole hill.

If a 5 year old child is swearing, she's entitled to complain about it or show concern.

I'm not even sure why this is still on your mind unless it's your child she's complaining about?

Slandered is possibly the wrong word, maybe I meant smeared. Either way she is being unkind about this child.
And really, so you wouldn’t let your child hang around another child with a disorder like Tourette Syndrome or something?
Dont you think you’d be better off educating your child to be tolerate, patient and kind to some kids who have certain behavioural issue rather than excluding them? Perhaps this is why there are so many bullies in the world!

Yeah I wouldn’t be happy to have a child regularly swearing infront of my mine I mean what’s there even so swear about so much at five in school.

You must be new to playground’s as whole though as stuff like that will always be shared far and wide. Throw in the nitty child, the one who’s always late, the one who’s always hitting someone, the one who gets away with everything thingggg. The one who’s the reason for no nuts and so on.

This is your child that's swearing, isn't it OP?

Your repetition of the word 'perfect' or 'perfection' is a dead giveaway. It's what people tend to say when they're stressed out with their child's behaviour, so they'll come back with "Oh is your child perfect?" or similar, when it's completely obvious that's not what's being said.

And then of course the accusations of 'bullying' because some posters don't agree with you 🙄

I think the mother I am discussing here is the one making a mountain of a molehill as she has been burning the ear of anyone who will listen for months.
I also think the word you used here is fitting, “entitled”.
It doesn’t need to affect me directly for me to be concerned about the gossip of a 5 year old child and the culture that is being promoted amongst these mums.

For months… so a 5 year old has basically been swearing every day at school since they started. Everyone knew even before this mother actually mentioned it. Because most children would have gone home and told their parents that Timmy told someone to fuck off.

You’ve just only been let in to the info that everyone knows. So pp probably right. It’s your son ain’t it.

Righto.

Hope you get the help you're after either way.

Nope, it’s not my child here. I just feel for this lad and care to call out the culture of Perfect Sanctimonious Mums, and I hope their children never utter a curse in their whole life if that’s the level of judgement they will receive, ostracised from parties, etc.

Go ahead and gaslight all you like! It won’t work m! 😂