Kid being gossiped about by mums.

[motheroffour1980]

Hi there,

I just want to throw this out there to get other parents opinions.

My 5 year old just started in a nice, small, school in the Midlands last September. All has being well so far and he’s happy and made new friends.

However in his class there’s one mum who has been complaining to all the other parents about this one boy in the class who has a tendency to curse.

She said he has been cursing nearly every day in front of her daughter.

I personally think it is an overreaction on her part and she shouldn’t be sharing it with us or the other mums.

I heard this all initially from one of the other mums who she had first said it to, then another parent and another who all equally expressed concern having heard it from her .. before she said it directly to me one day.

She said she was “concerned” about this boy who was cursing, and she had told the school. She had reported him to the teacher.

I personally believe it’s now up to all involved to rectify it all. It’s really none of my business and I don’t appreciate being dragged into a conversation about it.

Now here’s the thing. I asked her how her daughter felt about it, and she fumbled an answer that her daughter was fine.

So here is where I think she’s out of line. If her daughter is otherwise fine then why is she blowing this up? I feel like she is trying to smear this poor boy (and throwing shade at his parents) through her righteousness because, yes technically she is right and he shouldn’t be cursing.

If she has informed her own daughter that bad language is unacceptable and her daughter is otherwise fine, then why has she gone on about this for months?

I personally think issues like this should be kept private between the parents of the children in question and the teachers.

It feels like she is trying to smear this boy for his bad behaviour and I can’t help but thinking how young they are and kids make mistakes and still have a lot to learn.

Also other parents are now talking about this “bad boy” in this class, who is only 5 years old. To think that he might not get invited to play dates now because this sanctimonious, perfect mother has told everyone about him. He is otherwise a good kid.

Should I talk to the teacher about her? Are there guidelines for parents gossiping about kids, and getting overly involved, does anyone know? I’m new to all this!

Am I being unreasonable ?

Odd you haven't mentioned the child's parents...where are they in all of this? What do they think? This is their battle isn't it? Odd.

🐑 “ A superior sheep at the Nativity “😂
That’s so funny.
Mary was always given to the very good girls, abs Angel Gabriel to the best boy.
My son was a Christmas pudding at one Christmas infant’s play😂

Yes of course it’s their battle. They have no idea their child is being gossiped about like this by the same mum.

DS was a nativity sheep with a comedy punchline in Reception, and he got so cross every time he got a laugh he used to stamp his tiny sheep-costumed foot. Which got another laugh.

Well perhaps you need to enlighten them rather than making it your battle.

People keep telling you about this. Is it your ds who is swearing? If so, ask him not to do it in front of other people.

Oh that would have been soo cuuuute!
I loved the Reception Christmas Plays 🥰

100% agree, OP. Well done on recognising this crap for what it is i.e. grown women bullying a child. What that woman is doing in discussing the child in question in a Whatsapp group with other Mums is appalling. I'd respond in the group with something like "It doesn't feel appropriate to discuss any 5 year old's (or however old he is) childish transgressions in a Whatsapp group. I think we should raise any concerns with the school for the principal to deal with."

Would these women be fine if their daughters had a Whatsapp group in which they discussed one of their peers at length?

“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good people to do nothing”.

You are right. Spreading a reputation like that about a 5 year old is very wrong. Horrendous person.

The cancel culture friendly parents are only happy to pounce on poor kids making mistakes and banish them to an island far away

Again with the dramatics 🙄

It is absolutely true to all doubting it that popping out random swear words is a thing for many kids who are Autistic, ADHD and Tourettes.

No it's not naughty kid syndrome. Let's remember these are words. They are just words. It takes a good understanding of societal impact to know that these words have huge implications coming out your mouth. Understanding social nuances takes longer for most kids with ND differences. That's why this can be a thing at a younger age.

Through experience and observing the very strong reactions, most will learn a bit later than NT kids that it's best to try keep a lid on the F bombs 🤣. Not always achievable if one has tourettes.

I met this great kid on holiday with my son. Really funny and great parents, good values etc. The boy just said, is that person a bit of a cunt? I was in hysterics. But I can see how funny that was without clutching my pearls and crumbling in pieces that the world's going to end. That's what the gossip, probably unintelligent mum in this scenario is doing. And some on here.

In this scenario on holiday, I said to my son, you don't want to copy that word mate because that one makes people upset and shocked and will lead to people rejecting you and worse. I'll also feel very embarrassed and will keep you home.

Simple, end of.

I told the kid, that's a real bad word so best you don't say that again. 🤣He didn't in our presence.

Not swearing aged 5 is perfection? Blimey.

As a matter of interest OP is this the same woman you were railing about last year?

Well the fact I have no idea who this kid is, and my kids are a little older now, kind of stops me in this SPECIFIC situation.

However I have maintained a policy of not choosing my children’s friends for them - and sometimes the friends that have come home haven’t been the most popular kid at school, but I cares? Not me. Not my kid. As long as the child doesn’t hurt my child, and is respectful of my house rules, there are no issues.

The OP was asking about a mother basically making damn sure EVERY parent KNOWS that kid is “bad news” because he swears. She didn’t take her concerns to the actual parent or just to the teacher - no, she chose to be a bully and spread it around at school. She doesn’t care about the kid getting help, she wants to make sure it’s known that boy is not welcome at her darling child’s school. Make his school life so unhappy the family ends up having to change schools. It’s horrible behaviour and OP is right to call her out.

A 5-year-old who swears constantly is a potential safeguarding worry. There must have been so many threads here over the years by parents who want to know if they WBU to report it to school so they can take a closer look. I don't see that a mum comparing experiences and canvassing opinion in person is that different tbh. But having reported it, she should pipe down and let the process play out instead of whipping up support from villagers with pitchforks etc. It's hard to be sure from the OP which is happening.

This made me curious enough to AS.

Bit of an eye-opener but fairly similar story, where the OP appears to be wearing a halo, and another woman is a big ol' meany.

@UpTheLoobyLooTree I doubt it. Come on. Jumping to abuse because of swearing is a stretch and some. Even if the parents are shouting cunt all day long, even this is no sign they're abusive.

Damn. I forgot to order my magic wand from Amazon again. (Sorry but this was too awesome to ignore TheClawDecides) 😂😂😂

Has he actually been ostracised? If he has, then his parents need to make sure his behaviour improves. You also don’t need to be a Perfect Sanctimonious Mum, just a good one, to not want your child around a five year old who won’t stop swearing.

They left mine on the doorstep and it disappeared! 📦 😁

As she's not making anything up, she's not spreading anything around the school... every other parent know. Kids talk.

Some parents care, some parents won't. Most will try to stay away from the 2 dramatic parents

she wants to make sure it’s known that boy is not welcome at her darling child’s school. no one actually cares.

No one will actually care either for the OP going round the playground telling everyone how awful the other mother is.

Playgrounds are for the kids, not for the adults.

You are too good!!!!!

I think you have too much time on your hands. There will be plenty parents at the school gate who you wouldn’t chose to be friends with, if she irritates you just avoid her. Why do you care what she says? Why have you invested in this ? Just mind you business , stay out of it

You do know it’s possible to spread the truth? It doesn’t have to be made up for it to be spread around. There’s no need for her to do it and put herself in the middle.

other children may or may not tell their parents, that’s on them.

this poster wasn’t intending to talk about the other mother, she asked if she should speak to the school as the poor lad could find himself with no friends as a result of this, especially if the mother is one of the popular ones that everyone wants to stay friends with!

We had a child like this move in nearby and his older siblings thought it was great fun to get him to swear. By 5 he was asking other children at parties if they knew what c-u-n-t spelled... you think it's judgemental but people are allowed to decide what they want their own children exposed to/to repeat. His parents were asked by a number of others to help him with his behaviour, he was also v rough and often hurt other children, but they eyerolled and said it was kids being kids and there was two of them in it etc. He's now not invited to parties etc because the kids themselves are fed up of it. Ive always been decent to him, even when asking him to stop but it got to the stage where at 7 if you made eye contact with him driving past, he'd stick the middle finger up. As I say, people are allowed decide what behaviour they're not prepared to accept. As it happens I discussed with one person, completely outside of the situation, so I'm not the gate gossiper but I do understand people not liking it. Hopefully this child's parents will guide him a little on this as minimising and enabling definitely doesn't work. Despite it all, I feel sad to see this child now with no one to play with etc.