Hubs won't get the snip!!

[241719robs]

Am I being unreasonable that my hubby wont even consider getting the snip? He just replies with 'maybe one day'.

We have children already and I am 99% DONE. My body has been through enough and mentally Im burnt out. After contraception for years, pregnancy, birth, and breastfeeding I dont want to go back on contraception or risk condoms etc. I know vasectomies are not 100% but better than me having to go through invasive procedures again. Im also late for my period and after 2 negative pregnancy tests Ive explained how unfair it is for me to be worrying about this every month. He basically ignored me as he knew what I was getting at.

Am I being a b*tch? Hes not had to go through anything physically and its not like I’m asking him to chop his bits off 🥲

Time for him to take responsibility.

You have zero input when it comes to someone elses body.

Neither will mine. He won't buy condoms. I'm not fucking taking responsibility anymore, I did it for years. We haven't had sex for three years.

You're not being a bitch.

He's entitled to refuse a medical procedure and you're entitled to refuse prescriptions & procedures too.

Either that means condoms or no sex.

Tell him you won't be having sex until he's done it. Bet he runs to get it done then 😂 I don't understand how some men don't see how such a simple thing for them is better than invasive surgery for the woman who's also already had her body invaded in every which way. Selfish if you ask me

@Fuhjutvb I know this. I would never force him to but he hasn't even considered it.

@boulevardofbrokendreamss great response. Im worried if I did this our relationship would dwindle

If he doesn’t want elective surgery then that’s his choice. Just like it’s your choice you don’t want to use hormonal contraception or risk condoms.

Many men have irrational fears when it comes to anything related to their penis.

People aren't in control of their irrational fears, so it's not unreasonable for him to want to avoid any medical procedure in that area, regardless of the fact that it's an extremely low risk procedure.

But it's also not unreasonable for you to not have sex with him until he does.

I made it very clear to DP that he was getting the snip before we had children. I will carry and birth the babies, take hormones every day in between, when we're done you're having the very minor surgery to stop us having more. It's a far more minor surgery for men.

But you can't make him. But you don't have to be on contraception either. Tell him sex is with condoms or not at all and the purchasing of condoms is his responsibility.

His body, his choice .

What’s with the threat of withholding sex as a way of getting someone to do something to their body that they don't want to do? “get the snip and I’ll let you shag me” isn't the persuasive argument people seem to think it is. In fact, it could be seen as coercive and controlling behaviour!

You’re not being a bitch or unreasonable, but neither is he (unless he refuses condoms). He would also be unreasonable to refuse have a full and sit-down talk with you about it which involves pre-research and discussion.

That being said, what one person has had to go through with their body should never be used as an argument for what someone should do with their body. That’s not how it works.

You’re entitled to whatever boundaries for yourself you want to put in place – if that’s no sex, then that’s also your choice.

I do have to say, however, that there is far too often a scaremongering and unwarranted anxiety surrounding condoms. They are an extremely high effective contraception when used properly every time. There really is no need to mistrust them. If you dislike condoms for other reasons, then that has to be assessed on its own, separate to effectiveness.

You can't dictate what he does within body. You can only control what you do with yours. I refused to have sex without condoms and after 2 years my husband had the snip. My friends wife refused sex completely because she would take the risk. He had his done in 6 months.

Who has suggested that? The posts I’ve read say that not having the procedure is his legitimate choice, as it is hers to choose to avoid further pregnancies as she sees fit, including not having sex — not ‘sex withdrawal to coerce a vasectomy’!

Dh refused. He also refused to commit to taking the time off if I had my tubes tied, which the NHS wouldn't do, so it would also cost £££ - which he also refused to contribute to. I started a thread here at the time in which I got totally blasted for being controlling and an evil wife for refusing to see his point of view, and also for refusing to have sex with him under those circumstances not that I wanted to tbh

Eventually he actually went to the GP himself and there was a waiting list of ooooh about a fortnight, and he walked home afterwards, and was back at work two days later. Could not have been simpler.

I think men just don't talk about this sort of thing. Whereas I could meet up with friends and say "right who's DP has had the snip and how was it?" and get answers, and it become totally normalised to talk about vasectomy and the process etc.

Your wording ”Withholding sex” suggests that he is in some way entitled to it.

So what is OP supposed to do? Continue having sex with him and risk far more severe consequences for her body ?

OP if he doesn’t want the snip that’s his prerogative. Then it has to be condoms or abstinence

My DH refused so we’ve used condoms for 8 years. He’s not a massive fan of them but understands that I’m not taking hormonal contraception ever again

But what if he wants a second family with a woman that doesn't use sex as a bargaining tool?

Then OP should dictate that there shall be zero input in her body

YANBU at all.

After my second baby I asked DH to get the snip and he kept saying no and played deaf to all of my reasons. I knew he didn’t want any more children either, he was just being a wuss about having a minor procedure.

During this time we were using condoms and I was always worried about falling pregnant but for some reason he didn’t have the same worry. I genuinely think that some men don’t take the issue of contraception seriously enough and think “it won’t happen to me” when it comes to accidental pregnancies or they think we’ll just get a termination and it will be as simple as that.

After about 6 months of having the conversation and getting the same response I decided to change tactic…

I didn’t mention it for months on end and then I decided to tell him that after doing lots of thinking I wanted us to consider having a third baby (a lie, obviously). I said that he can’t be fully against the idea as he was happy to rely on condoms and because didn’t want to commit to a vasectomy, so maybe we should actively TTC and listed all the reasons why I thought having a third baby would be so wonderful. He was horrified at this suggestion. I kept raising the topic about all the benefits of having another baby and how it wouldn’t be the end of the world if I did accidentally fall pregnant because another baby would be such a lovely addition to the family. As I made him really believe I wanted another baby he probably started to have images of me poking needles through the condoms and he booked himself an appointment at the clinic very, very quickly.

Maybe it was blackmail and manipulation, I’m sure I will be accused of doing that.

Some people will say a woman should just tell the guy she wont have sex with him anymore as she doesn’t want to risk pregnancy,” but that could be classed as just another form of blackmail or manipulation.

Yes, I understand it’s their body and they shouldn’t be forced to have a medical procedure etc etc but men who are happy for their partner to carry all the burden of contraception when we are the ones who are generally fucked if an accidental pregnancy occurs are pretty shitty. Men like this are selfish and they need to stand up and play their part.

Prior to having these discussions with my husband I’d gone through YEARS of awful contraceptive issues, two high risk pregnancies and 6 years of breastfeeding. I was DONE!

Men who won’t have vasectomies, which are simple procedures that take 5 minutes to carry out, are either selfish, scared or don’t want to commit to the idea of never being able to father another baby in case they meet someone else.

Im sure many won’t agree with my actions or opinions but men who refuse to do this and expect the woman to take all the risks with contraception side effects and deal with any accidental pregnancies absolutely infuriate me.

I think that the fact women have to resort to blackmail and ultimatums in order to get the man to take some responsibility, says more about the males of the species than it does the females.

She's not using sex as a bargaining tool. She's told him that she won't go back on the pill and she doesn't want to risk another pregnancy. He'd expect her to have invasive surgery instead of him just having a quick routine procedure. No sex is what happens when the other person won't compromise

This absolutely.

This