Hubs won't get the snip!!

[241719robs]

Am I being unreasonable that my hubby wont even consider getting the snip? He just replies with 'maybe one day'.

We have children already and I am 99% DONE. My body has been through enough and mentally Im burnt out. After contraception for years, pregnancy, birth, and breastfeeding I dont want to go back on contraception or risk condoms etc. I know vasectomies are not 100% but better than me having to go through invasive procedures again. Im also late for my period and after 2 negative pregnancy tests Ive explained how unfair it is for me to be worrying about this every month. He basically ignored me as he knew what I was getting at.

Am I being a b*tch? Hes not had to go through anything physically and its not like I’m asking him to chop his bits off 🥲

Don't worry, the incels were always going to pop up on this thread!

Condoms are only about 87% effective with typical use. No man should insist a woman take that risk.
Bodily autonomy must go both ways. He can say no snip, but he cannot dictate what risks a woman must take.

Yes, she doesn’t have to take hormonal contraception and he doesn’t have to have a vasectomy. If that leads to an impasse in their relationship that that’s the situation but he doesn’t want it done.

To be honest, I suspect that is the real reason most of the time. Keeping their options open....

Hope you told him to get in the sea.

To be clear he has full autonomy and if he chooses not to have a medical procedure that’s his choice, even if he is showing a massive degree of selfishness in expecting you to bear all the physical risks of sex.

But then it’s also very fair of you to take the safest option and avoid sex.

You aren't being unreasonable.

Next time he suggests sex say 'Maybe one day'.

It's his body and his choice. I really dislike the way women talk about men when it comes to this. If it were the other way round you'd all be horrified.

So he doesn't want it done. You need to look at your other options. You don't want another pregnancy so it's either abstinence or another form of contraception.

DH and I read up about it, because he was open to the idea. We had our family relatively young, so had many years of pregnancy risk left to us, and he was adamant - more than I was! - about no more kids. But there are a lot of reports of unexplained mild testicle pain for years after a vasectomy, and I wouldn't sign up for it either, personally. It's not like an IUD that you can just have removed if it doesn't work out for you. This is VERY much a his body, his choice thing. I agree about the condoms though - very risky, and taking the MAP after a condom failure utterly sucks.

However, my Mirena gives me zero problems - quite the contrary, as I love not having periods any more, and it is wildly less invasive or permanent than a vasectomy.

I think a huge amount of men would change their mind if abstinence was put in place so this is probably the most effective way!

However, all that does is reinforce the selfishness of men: they will have the procedure to have their sexual needs met, but they won’t do it out of respect for their partner.

The worse thing in your post, is his refusal to take time off if you had your tubes tide. That's very selfish and would be what put me right off having sex with him.

This is.

As women, we constantly state that we should have control over our bodies, and I believe that to be true for men too. You can't force someone to have a procedure they don't want to have.

There are others ways - like @DuchessDandelion has said. Use condoms or don't have sex.

Why have you put “puts himself through that” in quotation marks? 🤣🤣 who are you quoting??
I didn’t say anything of the sort.
Don’t try and read between the lines or quote sentences that don’t exist. You just end up being wrong.

My post is clearly saying she can’t force him to do something he doesn’t want to do. So the options she has left are…..
I didn’t say it was a simple surgery 🤣

Yanbu. You’ve borne the burden on your body of contraception (not to mention pregnancy and birth) for long enough. You need to send this message loud and clear - no vasectomy, no sex.

Fwiw we’ve used condoms as our only method of contraception for the past 18 years without any issues - as long as you’re careful to use them properly.
Also worth pointing out to him that he can get you pregnant every single day, whereas you are only fertile for a few days each month, so it doesn’t make sense for you to be the one on contraception for that reason as well.

YABU. Vasectomys don’t come without risk nor do they always work - I know someone eho
got pregnant with twins after her husbands procedure! It’s entirely reasonable that he doesn’t wish to proceed and there are other forms of contraception available.

This is similar to our experience although we are not young! I didn't want my DH to risk it until we had tried other options. I didn't want a hormonal contraception so tried the copper coil and luckily haven't had any issues. But if I did its easy to remove unlike a vasectomy.

If he wants a second family (what a prince) he can use condoms with wife #1, it's not rocket science.

This

I'd be telling him that there would be no further sex until he got it done.

If some people think that is coercive then so be it. I would protect my own body from future unwanted pregnancies by whatever means I saw fit. You can say no to sex for whatever reason you want to and no means no.

My DH got the snip shortly after our third baby was born. I didn't even have to ask him. We planned for three children and knew we were both completely done afterwards. As I had taken all the responsibility for contraception and family planning for twenty years or more it was definitely his turn.

I couldn't give a crap what anyone else thinks of any of that.

God I don't get these men. Would they rather go through pregnancy, giving birth (vb or c-section), dealing with birth injuries, and have their bodies change? Not to mention periods, cramps, and smears? Fibroids, endo, PCOS and other things some women have on top of it.

The things women have to go through with their bodys, and they complain over a little vasectomy. It isn't even as bad as it used to be either, a much easier procedure now.
I hope he isn't one of those expecting you to be sterilised, as that is far more risky and worse procedure; and you have been through enough. I also hope he isn't expecting you to continue to pump your body full of hormones, because he doesn't Iike wearing a condom. If this is the case, than he is an excuse for a man; this would be a huge turn off for me. The sooner they bring out a male injection the better. Women having to be on the pill for years, dealing with side effects is unacceptable; all of the responsibility on them!
Condoms, or no sex. If he doesn't want any more kids either, than what is the problem of him getting a vasectomy?

I also do not understand any woman who thinks it is okay for a nother woman to be sterilised, to save her pathetic husband from taking any birth control responsibility!

Did they wait for, I think it's 12 weeks, before having unprotected sex, and have his seminal fluid checked to make sure no sperm were present before sex? Not waiting long enough and not having a final check are the commonest reason for a vasectomy 'fail'

If neither of you want another child and he doesn't want a vasectomy and you don't want to use other forms of contraception, then you could be sterilised and he needs to suppprt that. It will be cheaper than an unwanted baby.

Out of interest, how old are you? We didn't finish our family until I was nearly 40 and peri started at 43 and was done by 49. There was barely enough time left to bother. As an aside, hormonal contraception delivers fewer risk than a post 40 pregnancy.

Use condoms, or just have non-penetrative sex