Hubs won't get the snip!!

[241719robs]

Am I being unreasonable that my hubby wont even consider getting the snip? He just replies with 'maybe one day'.

We have children already and I am 99% DONE. My body has been through enough and mentally Im burnt out. After contraception for years, pregnancy, birth, and breastfeeding I dont want to go back on contraception or risk condoms etc. I know vasectomies are not 100% but better than me having to go through invasive procedures again. Im also late for my period and after 2 negative pregnancy tests Ive explained how unfair it is for me to be worrying about this every month. He basically ignored me as he knew what I was getting at.

Am I being a b*tch? Hes not had to go through anything physically and its not like I’m asking him to chop his bits off 🥲

Same here. Reading a lot of the posts it comes as across as the women here just have sex to keep the man happy.

I bet it hurts less than getting a coil swapped.

my body my choice surely means that cuts both ways (personally even if there was something that was equivalent that I could do I know when it came down to it I'd say why should I have any form of a surgery? and be totally irrational 😂) but you do just have to have talks about what that means that doesn't involve both of you saying 'but why can't you ...?!'

You shouldn't need to force him to get it done, he should be a fucking man about it. And long term chronic pain which is very mild and very manageable compared to the birth injuries that many women are left with? Rubbish.

@AlexandrinaH A lot more risk on the woman having long term effects from giving birth. What do you suggest than in a case where the man won't wear condoms?? Or should the woman continue to take hormones that gives her yet more years of effects?

I love sex, but I'd rather go without than get pregnant or go back on birth control.
DHs vasectomy allows full enjoyment for both of us. I don't really understand why men aren't queuing up for one tbh.

You are being unreasonable expecting him to be ok with having it done
He is being unreasonable not giving you a straight answer on it though.

Whilst that’s a good rule to live by, how does this work? He is presumably, ahem, consensually ‘inputting’ on the regular which is why the dilemma arises. OP has to choose between either (a) condoms and risk of pregnancy (big impact on HER body whether she keeps the baby or not), or (b) another form of contraception that will impact on HER body.

The side effects are almost always reversable as well.

I'd look at it as "abstinence is 100% effective means of contraception"

You can't get full enjoyment it on birth control? I can understand not wanting to take birth control but can't see how it would stop full enjoyment.

I am mid40s and take the mini-pill, I love it for a variety of reasons - not least because it completely stops my periods, you'd have to prize it from cold dead heads before I'd give it up.

It's cruel that he expects his wife to have invasive surgery instead of him getting a small procedure. Also cruel for op to be constantly worrying about accidental pregnancy

A lot of research suggests it's much lower than this 1 - 2 % and 'long term' can mean a few months. There are all sorts of risks with women's contraception too, but pain for a woman with an IUD that can last 3 months is just described as 'cramping' where as in men it's 'chronic pain'. Anyway it was the best thing DH ever did.

Contraception is both parties responsibility. Condoms if used properly are highly protective. You can also natural track your cycles not to have sex even with condoms around ovulation (remembering to add in 5 days after ovulation).

While I agree its his body and his choice, he is also responsible for Contraception just as much as you are.
Therefore if you want to continue having a sex life then you have an adult conversation about it and go over the options with the above one probably being the best in terms of balance for both.
If he refuses to do the above then you have a bigger issue of him being a selfish idiot!

I imagine women who are scared of getting pregnant do not find sex very enjoyable. How could they enjoy the sex with that much anxiety hanging over them?

If having penetrative sex was potentially going to lead to the one thing that I didn’t want to happen, I would do everything I could to avoid it.

Apparently with women it is not her body her choice for some, and the man who has been through nothing is prioritied. I would gladly swap and deal with a snip than what I as a woman have had to go through. There is no comparison.

You don't have to have sex.
If you don't want to be pregnant, and you don't want to use the contraception that works on your body... then not having sex is what's left.

He's being very unfair but even discussing it!!!

He's had it all his way for years and refusing to even engage with the conversation it's SO disrespectful given what you have had to put your body through to get this far with regular sex together and no unwanted babies.

I would be making that really bloody clear.

My DH had the snip, his idea. He knows I don't get on well with hormone contraception (always get a bad reaction), he dislikes condoms and he didn't want to risk withdrawal as two kids was enough for us (and still would be for him if we split up). He thought it was the simplest solution.

To block even the conversation is beyond crap.

I'm not 100% sure it's the same as coercive control. As a women you're simply not prepared to risk pregnancy anymore and it's a perfectly valid stance to take should your husband refuse a simple procedure.

It's not like using sex to get someone to take the bins out. You want them to get the snip so you don't risk anything else happening to your own body and it's perfectly acceptable to decide to minimise the risk if they're not willing to take any responsibility themselves.

Accidental pregnancy is not nearly as common as people think, more likely it's down to user error. I've had 30 years using either the pill or condoms and never had an accidental pregnancy. I've had three children and got pregnant on the first month of 'trying' so clearly no issue with fertility, but never had a whoops moment. I literally have never worried about get pregnant.

I cannot. I have had side effects on any form I have ever tried. As do most women.

I completely agree that OP refusing sex isn't a form of manipulation but simply her exercising her autonomy over her own body in reaction to the risk of an unwanted pregnancy.

My argument is that it is a bit misleading to pretend that male and female sterilisation is equivalent to each other and a truly viable option for most women. The reality is that if there is a need for a permanent contraceptive solution within a relationship then it is completely logical that the man in most cases should be the most obvious choice to have a vasectomy. Sterilisation for women really is a completely different ballgame.

If a couple get together and decide to have children then the woman has to assume the responsibility of pregnancy, birth and breastfeeding. This is the biological reality. If a couple make the choice to have no children and want to continue to have sex then unless the woman is happy to carry the burden of responsibility for contraception and/or they both agree to use condoms then the biological reality is that male biology lends itself to sterilisation far more readily than female biology. I would be deeply suspicious of a man that was more than happy to let their partner take all the risk and burden of having children and wasn't willing to have a vasectomy if it is the most sensible and obvious solution.

😁

That is simply not true.

1/100 men experience pain at the 3 month point (the point in which pain becomes chronic).

Within the 1% of men, in 9/10 men, a reversal of the procedure cures the pain. So 0.001 of men have pain at the 1 year mark after having a vasectomy.

In 2022/23, 10,710 men had a vasectomy, meaning 0.1071% of men in that year felt pain at the 1 year mark.... So not even a whole man.

Do not spread misinformation.

Of course men who refuse to get a vasectomy have to take absolute responsibility for their own fertility. So their options as far as I can see are abstinence or condoms (and their purchase)

He should take responsibility. No snip, no sex?