Hubs won't get the snip!!

[241719robs]

Am I being unreasonable that my hubby wont even consider getting the snip? He just replies with 'maybe one day'.

We have children already and I am 99% DONE. My body has been through enough and mentally Im burnt out. After contraception for years, pregnancy, birth, and breastfeeding I dont want to go back on contraception or risk condoms etc. I know vasectomies are not 100% but better than me having to go through invasive procedures again. Im also late for my period and after 2 negative pregnancy tests Ive explained how unfair it is for me to be worrying about this every month. He basically ignored me as he knew what I was getting at.

Am I being a b*tch? Hes not had to go through anything physically and its not like I’m asking him to chop his bits off 🥲

The sex itself had no impact on her person and she exercised her bodily autonomy to consent to protected sex with contraception.

Unfortunately that contraception failed and now she can exercise her bodily autonomy again to either have a termination or decide to continue the pregnancy and give birth.

You can't seriously believe claiming that all women who have accidental pregnancies due to contraceptive failure have lost their bodily autonomy and that the sex they had willingly and consensually with safety measures in place was imposing on their rights to make their own decisions about their health?

I tried one pill. It was a very mild pill. It extremely heightened my anxiety and depression so I stopped taking it and did not want to try any other pill.... or any hormonal contraceptive. We used condoms until we were planning a family. We have 2 kids and are finished with our family. I have no interest in trialing any hormonal contraceptives. A huge side effect of any of them is an impact on mental health and as someone who suffers with poor mental health already, I'm not willing to try any! I also don't want the non-hormonal coil, I've researched it, it's not for me personally. I have made those choices for myself and my body. nobody is going to tell me I'm unreasonable for not trying more.

😂😂😂

Nothing useful to add then 😃

Well yes, the risk of moderate to severe depression outweighs the benefits of preventing pregnancy in somebody else

Right . So the contraceptive burden will always and inevitably fall to women and women will take the toll.

Women must just accept this as the reality, and never expect their partner to share this burden - even in the context of a long term loving , family relationship . If they they do hold these expectations of their partner and communicate them- they are wildly unreasonable and issuing ultimatums.
And further more , they have no right to be upset or to complain about the situation.

I hear you.

No, men can take the burden of contraception by wearing condoms. Yet you seem to have a problem with this.

I just find you impossible because here you write :

she exercised her bodily autonomy to consent to protected sex with contraception

Yet earlier you were insisting that there was NO GOOD REASON a woman should refuse to consent to sex using condoms, as they were perfectly “sufficient” , and using this method has “no impact on her person”. You insisted a woman was “bizarre” for insisting on vasectomy or absence and issuing unreasonable ultimatums, for refusing condoms (because they are unreliable).
Now you are saying she has no right to complain that the condom failed, because she consented to condoms?
So a woman is unreasonable and bizarre if she doesn’t consent to condoms because doing so would have “no impact on her person”. If it turns out this contraceptive option has in fact impacted significantly on her person (due to its unreliability), in fact it had no impact and she’s unreasonable to complain because she consented?

#makeitmakesense 😭

What options/ choices are women allowed without being accused of being wildly unreasonable and trying to oppress men?

which entail significant risk of pregnancy. But that doesn’t matter because it only affects women and not men . Is that right?

I find you impossible. You're deliberately tying yourself up in knots to make a point that isn't true.

Condoms are as sufficient as every other method of contraception. No method is 100% but she has been fine using other methods in the past.

Condoms don't impact on her person because she isn't the one wearing it and it has no effect on her.

An accidental pregnancy, that can happen with any contraceptive methods does not invalidate the consent she gave to have protected sex.

All of these things are obvious.

I stand by it being bizarre to only accept abstinence or sterility. I have literally never met someone with such an extreme view that contraception is insufficient to ever consider having sex again.

I find your views very strange because you're claiming misogyny over factual statements that aren't misogynistic at all, crying outrage that society expects women to suffer in silence and men are catered to because you ignore condoms as a valid option, whilst clearly displaying a lack of scientific understanding and understanding of ethics whilst I've seen comments from you on other threads that I would consider completely against women's rights. It's just baffling.

No, that is irrelevant to the argument of whether man pull their weight with contraception or not because there is a risk of pregnancy with all contraceptive methods, regardless of whether it is the woman or the man taking responsibility for it. Women take responsibility for contraception and take the pill, injection etc. and get pregnant all the time.

Her own contraception failing her is not misogynistic "oh well no one cares about you because you're a woman" than her husband's contraception failing.

Contraceptive failure and who is bearing the burden of using it are two separate issues.

And you claim that I'm afraid of logic whilst bandying around emotional arguments like this and literally being unable to see the logical point that they are two separate issues. Ridiculous.

whilst I've seen comments from you on other threads that I would consider completely against women's rights

Aha. So you are “gender critical/ anti gender” as well eh? That fully tracks. Especially, the insistence that you are making “factual statements” , which are in fact values-based judgements underscored by un-examined gender biases , prejudices and assumptions.

Well once again we are going around in circles here as all the above points have been repeatedly dissected.

No, I'm actually against the gender critical vitriol you see here and have been totally on board with you in the past when advocating for trans rights until you went off at the deep end with ideas even I find harmful to women as someone who is very liberal with many trans friends.

I see you can't actually dispute why your arguments are incorrect after it has been pointed out several times. I think my point has been well and truly proven. Especially when lots of women have been agreeing with the points posted.

Let’s review again:

A woman is unreasonable and bizarre if she doesn’t consent to sex with condoms (and insists on abstinence or vasectomy);

If the use of condoms has drastic consequences for her health/ wellbeing, she can’t complain because she consented to them.

What is your understanding of consent exactly?

No, I'm actually against the gender critical vitriol you see here and have been totally on board with you in the past when advocating for trans rights until you went off at the deep end with ideas even I find harmful to women as someone who is very liberal with many trans friends.

that’s interesting , what were those exactly?

Are you trying to argue that consent can be retro actively revoked because people don't like the outcome of their informed decisions when they knew what the possible outcomes of this decision were due to being fully informed?

Your view that single sex spaces don't protect women from male violence and likening single spaces as protection for women to the modesty laws/oppression of the Taliban is where you lost me.

Which is fine; so long as you don't then bully someone else into having an irreversible surgical procedure that they don't want.

BTW, there aren't really "mild pills". There are some that can be great for improving poor premenstrual mental health, but they aren't usually the first types prescribed.

Fair enough. I can see that. I don’t actually object at all to single sex spaces- indeed I’m in favour of them sometimes- just the dogmatic way that GCs want to implement/ impose them and exclude gender diverse people (remember the criminalisation of entering the wrong toilet!) , and the ideologies that they use to justify the necessity of their draconian policy ideas (in case of accidental pregnancy!/ because sexual violence is natural/ biological ! , etc) - that is what I object to and where the left-field comparison came in. It is a kind of neo-fascism in my view .
So much that could be added , but obviously that’s not what this thread is about.

sorry for derail!!!!

(but please don’t let some wacky shit I said turn you GC. I’m glad to hear that’s not usually where you stand).

I think it's a big ask and not unreasonable of him to say no. Anything can happen in life. I know someone who urged her partner to get a vasectomy as she didn't want any more children, which he did, and then she dumped him. Never expect the unexpected. What if you suddenly die and he needs to rebuild his life with someone else? Equally, you shouldn't be expected to have surgery either. If your relationship is strong, it should be something you discuss and agree together. There are lots of options that don't require either of you having a permanent procedure.

(but please don’t let some wacky shit I said turn you GC. I’m glad to hear that’s not usually where you stand).

Certainly no danger of that happening! The shit they come out with on here is disgusting!

I do remember the criminalising the wrong toilet, it reminded me of when I took my nan to the toilet in a restaurant once and we bumped into a masculine looking lesbian coming out of the ladies, who was clearly still a woman just a very a masculine one and she started apologising saying oh sorry I thought this was the ladies! This lesbian lady said it is the ladies looking offended and nan blurted out oh sorry? I thought you were a man! 🤦 We all know what you thought nan you didnt have to blurt it out! God I was mortified.

You see it "all of the time?" Do you work in health care, because if not, are you making a habit of talking to women about their gynaecological issues? You said one pill, and now you're mentioning the coil. How do you know the woman's reason/s for not wanting a foreign object permanently implanted into her vagina? Her body, her choice, or does this only apply to men in your book?

I'll never understand why some women feel the need to protect men from a procedure that the vast majority of them never even consider having... Just why?

Neither do I. Once a couple has decided that their family is complete, it seems the obvious thing to do to prevent any future slip-ups and/or to relieve the woman - or the man - of the tiresome contraceptive burden. And as for those saying that it would prevent the man from starting another family in the future - IMO that's nothing but a good thing. Nowadays especially, very few parents can afford to support two lots of children physically, emotionally and financially. Women have to accept that their fertile life has to end and I see no reason whatsoever why that shouldn't apply to men too! Save me from the weeping handmaidens who seem to care more about men than they do about their own sex.

Obviously I care more about my husband than other women.

By all means, do what is best for you and your spouse. But men as a class absolutely do not need protecting from a procedure most of them are not having, in a society where they still wield more power and control.