To cancel my wedding to save the embarrassment?

[RubbishAtWeddingPlanning]

I get married this year and I was really excited when I got engaged two years ago. Since then, the financial pressure of it all has been horrendous. I have a big family and I literally cannot make it any cheaper and it's costing thousands. DH's sister has since got engaged and has a lot of money and has planned and booked everything straight away. I have rubbish bridesmaids who aren't at all interested in the planning or even really me for that matter, a rubbish family who have little interest in my day and after a family do at DH's Uncles house a week ago where his entire family sat round the table discussing DH's sisters wedding which is after mine and asking me ( rather insensetively ) why I haven't and when I will book things I can't afford I have been so sad about my day, crying whenever I think about it and their inevitable opinions. I kept it together then and there but he has some strong, female voices in his family unit who frankly make me feel like a loser in comparison and I cant shake the idea that I can't pull a wedding off. I just feel like no matter how hard I try it's going to be such a pitiful, lesser event and no matter what I spend on it nothing will compare. I can't wait to marry DH and we have a lovely little life but honestly when I see how people talk about weddings on here it seems like nobody appreciates the effort anyway and often slags the day off after. I also feel like with the support I've had with planning my day will never compare to DH's sisters day ( she is lovely and deserves a wonderful day but the family just have no consideration of anyone else's feelings ) and his family will compare the two forever more. They're all quite delusional about the cost and how much I'm trying to juggle at the moment and I feel like I'm interrogated whenever I see them, even when DH to be has said I don't want to talk about it at these events or tried to change the subject. Shall I just call it off and go to a registry office? I have six months to go and I'd lose about 8k. Has anyone else done the same thing? I can't honestly be bothered to try to resurrect it or throw more money at it at this point and I don't want to compete. I have nothing sorted and no money to sort it either really without looking at loans etc and I'm starting to think that a nice meal after and saying the words just me and DH to be and none of the fuss would be better?

Yanbu- cancel
Yabu- ride it out you're just having a wobble

Elope to Vegas, then at least you get a holiday out it!

I'd love this. Have you done it or know anyone who has done similar? I'm actually really considering it.

What have you spent £8k on already?

Make the wedding about you and not others

The venue, the entertainment, my dress. I do agree with you but it's easier said than done sadly :(

What wedding do you and your fiancee want?, this is what you should do..

What does your future husband have t say about it? It shouldn’t be a burden you are carry on your own. What about your family- are they helping? It’s not a competition! Stick to your own budget and plans, and don’t make yourself miserable. The best wedding I ever went to was a small, simple affair and everyone loved it!

I didn't read it all as I just think, if they think it would be lesser then make it lesser.

People spend far too much on their weddings. Thousands on one day then they struggle when kids come along.

Decide if he really is the one for you, does he have your back when his family are upsetting you? You should come first now and if you don't...

Well if you cancel it will cost 8k. How much will it cost if you go through with it?

Whilst I think the registry office idea seems better with hindsight, it would be madness to lose £8k when that amount of money is clearly very significant for you. Why does it have to be a competition? It sounds like you that is making it into a competition rather than DH's family...? She'll have her wedding and you'll have yours. If your family and bridesmaids aren't bothered, don't try so hard to have them involved. Your wedding doesn't have to please any one else, just you and your DH. What have you already bought and paid for and what still needs to be done? (Just roughly, e.g. venue booked and paid, no bridesmaid's dresses yet, etc.) Maybe people here can help you figure out how to keep costs down as much as possible. I had a relatively simple wedding (although, like you, my large family made the costs relatively high). 15 years later, I don't ever think back to it and wish I'd done anything different - I couldn't care less about how it compares to anyone else's, what matters is that it was the first day of my marriage.

Cancel the "big do" and get married quietly. Focus on it being intimate, special and personal. Small group of very special people or just 2 witnesses, and a honeymoon of your dreams. It's not the wedding that matters, it's the marriage. Ditch the "wedding" and do it as soon as you can, then jet off somewhere you'd both love to go.

Don't cancel it, change it. Get refunds for everything you can, then get a couple of friends and go to a register office to do the deed. Then a lovely meal/trip to you favourite pub, or whatever else takes your fancy.

I eloped. It was magical. 100% would recommend. 5 stars! No stress, everything was planned/organised for me & we had a long weekend holiday out of it. Plus it was extremely cost effective. If I didn't do that, I would have had a courthouse wedding, with a nice "reception" dinner somewhere with friends/family.

I did really want a big, magical day as I've been a part of a few weddings like that but it's really dawned on me during the planning that I can't pull it off. I don't have the means or the family/ friends to do it. It's not their fault and nobody owes me that vision but from seeing how easy it's been for DH's sister I've realised how incomparable my day will be. I usually have perspective on these things but I feel a bit conflicted still I suppose. At the beginning I was so excited and motivated but now I have no confidence and feel like I'll spend the whole day cringing at what a let down the day is for everyone. There's so much to get right:(

We went to Vegas. Was easier than dealing with DHs complicated family.

A few close friends and family came out with us plus our DC. We had an amazing 2 week trip for 4 of us including all the wedding planned for less than £10k, could have done it loads cheaper also.

OP, I notice that you consistently use "I" and not "we" when talking about your wedding and the money it's costing.

Is it only you paying for it? Where is your fiancé in all this?

You've got to take control, whether that means cancelling, eloping, telling people that it's putting you under too much stress. Listen to these feelings and make the change to move forward. Good luck.

We got married abroad, in Europe. We did invite family but to be honest I really would have preferred it being just we two, as it was expensive for other people to attend. If I had my time again, I would do it just DH and I (plus witnesses or whatever).

I recommend you do similar. Or go to Gretna Green. Or just a local register office and tell nobody. It'll cost you a few hundred to do it that way and you'll be just as married after as a huge wedding, but considerably better off. Less hassle, less stress, less money, what's not to like?

You need to stop feeling in competition with your fiancée.

All you need to get right is the groom...

Ah sorry not at all, just my wording. We are really 50/50 and he's amazing but I know deep down he wouldn't care what we did as long as we got married.

Elope - enjoy with your DH, nothing else matters. And you are certainly not "less than"

Oh OP - I’m a wedding planner and, whilst my entire career is based around people wanting OTT weddings, that is not what it is about - it is about a marriage. I would highly recommend just doing what you want to do. It is about you and your DP committing to each other, nothing else really matters in the long run and believe me, a “dream wedding” definitely doesn’t make a dream marriage.

Read through all of the contracts with the suppliers you have already paid and see what their cancellation policy is and then pick up the phone and speak to them - it might be that they would agree to transfer dates should you want a celebration at a later date, when the pressure isn’t as much, or often, if they manage to sell the date to another event, they may offer a full or partial refund.

This sounds so amazing, I'd love this.

We had a registry office wedding with two witnesses. I wore something I had already.
That was 37 years ago.
I had no parents, my husbands' weren't interested and we had no money because we were saving for a house deposit.
It was brilliant! We are still happy. No regrets (plus we got ourselves a lovely house!)

You're £8k down but you will keep the dress anyway.
How much more will you have to spend to have the big wedding?

Cancel it, it’s a financial struggle and you aren’t enjoying it. Plus you’re jealous of someone else’s wedding and calling your bridesmaids and family rubbish over it, hopefully this isn’t you normally! Cancel it and do the day just for you and DH to be.