To be frustrated at some parents as a volunteer?

WitheringHeights8 · 2025-01-12T15:47:14+00:00

For context, I volunteer with Girlguiding and have done so for several years. The unit I take has been on a parent rota for a few terms now due to poor volunteer recruitment and retention. While I have had quite a few offers of help, and some who have been very supportive, why is it something that many parents still shy away from? By that, I mean I've asked for a simple yes or no are you able to help on one night, and they've simply ignored me. The few who have got back to say they can't help have given me understandable reasons such as childcare and work. Totally fine and I really appreciate the acknowledgement. But to continue to ignore what would be a simple one sentence communication in many cases, has really made me question why I'm doing this. They're happy to drop their kids off, send in a form or reply quickly when it comes to food preferences, etc. This might just be my hormones, but I needed to vent.

StuntNun · 12/01/2025 15:51

They just don't want to do it. And it's worse if there are two or three parents that will help because they end up doing everything while the others refuse to help at all. I wonder if parents think it's like a club where the staff are paid and don't realise that we are volunteers giving up our time.

Original poster

WitheringHeights8 · 12/01/2025 15:56

StuntNun · 12/01/2025 15:51

They just don't want to do it. And it's worse if there are two or three parents that will help because they end up doing everything while the others refuse to help at all. I wonder if parents think it's like a club where the staff are paid and don't realise that we are volunteers giving up our time.

This is what I've tried to avoid, as it is often the same names offering to help multiple times. They are often teachers or work in jobs that require a PVG.

I'm sure it is a case of them being unwilling. I do understand that some parents would rather not be a distraction to their child, or maybe even suffer with social anxiety.

Just get back to me and make something up! Or tell the truth. I don't care. It's just rude.

Totally. Or they underestimate how much work we put in.

OP posts:

Gogogo12345 · 12/01/2025 16:02

Or they simply don't like other people's kids? Many people send their kids to clubs to get rid of them for a couple of hours not get involved

Or maybe they may have a criminal record from the past and don't want the local busybodies seeing it on a dbs check ( no idea how long it stays on there)

I took my DS out of Beavers for this reason. They were very insistent that we HAD to do volunteering. The beavers was an evening where Dad dropped off DS and went to set up for work.( Could've taken DS with him but thought he would enjoy being with other kids more) And I didn't finish work until halfway through so not physically able to get there until half hour before it finished. Which gave me leeway to collect him but not be there for 2 hours.

However the people running it were so sniffy and offhand etc that at I took him out in the end as fed up of the snide remarks

minipie · 12/01/2025 16:03

Mmm tricky and not great I agree

I wonder if you need an even more direct approach

Try sending out a rota with the helpful parents’ names filled in for some of the weeks. Say “please fill in your name where you can help. Or if you can’t help please can you email me to let me know why.”

Explain that if the rota isn’t filled then the sessions cannot run

People are driven by peer pressure and a public rota showing others have volunteered will hopefully make the reluctant pull their finger out…

Original poster

WitheringHeights8 · 12/01/2025 16:06

Gogogo12345 · 12/01/2025 16:02

Or they simply don't like other people's kids? Many people send their kids to clubs to get rid of them for a couple of hours not get involved

Or maybe they may have a criminal record from the past and don't want the local busybodies seeing it on a dbs check ( no idea how long it stays on there)

I took my DS out of Beavers for this reason. They were very insistent that we HAD to do volunteering. The beavers was an evening where Dad dropped off DS and went to set up for work.( Could've taken DS with him but thought he would enjoy being with other kids more) And I didn't finish work until halfway through so not physically able to get there until half hour before it finished. Which gave me leeway to collect him but not be there for 2 hours.

However the people running it were so sniffy and offhand etc that at I took him out in the end as fed up of the snide remarks

Edited

Oh I understand this.

My issue is the lack of communication either way.

We don't do a background check unless someone volunteers more than twice.

I think I've made that clear in my communication.

OP posts:

RupertCampbellBlacksEgo · 12/01/2025 16:09

Assume their no-reply is 'ugh, no way', without them needing to making up an excuse. I can't imagine many people would want to give up their free time to try and keep a load of kids under control.
Quit if you're understandably not enjoying it.

Original poster

WitheringHeights8 · 12/01/2025 16:10

minipie · 12/01/2025 16:03

Mmm tricky and not great I agree

I wonder if you need an even more direct approach

Try sending out a rota with the helpful parents’ names filled in for some of the weeks. Say “please fill in your name where you can help. Or if you can’t help please can you email me to let me know why.”

Explain that if the rota isn’t filled then the sessions cannot run

People are driven by peer pressure and a public rota showing others have volunteered will hopefully make the reluctant pull their finger out…

Thanks for the advice.

I have already put most of this in the WhatsApp group. And sort of given them an ultimatum.

WhatsApp is definitely difficult to hide from, which has helped in terms of volunteering offers, I'm sure.

I do struggle with assertiveness, and maybe I should have gone about it in a fill in your name way, or even better, sort it out amongst yourselves!

OP posts:

dcsp · 12/01/2025 16:11

I had the same issue when it came to a group that didn't involve kids.

I found I got a far better response with a WhatsApp group used only for that purpose where I'd put a poll for each date with 3 options (yes, no, don't know yet). I think this is because people feel they can't say no without a reason but if they've a "no" button they can just clock then they're happy to do so.

Hello87abc · 12/01/2025 16:11

We’ve been told the occasional volunteer option has now stopped anyway? To be honest I do t think I would want loads of different parents helping each week. We have rainbows/brownies and guides all on at the same time just in a hall where we have different tables for each, it works really well and it means we have enough volunteers to not rely on others

PizzaPunk · 12/01/2025 16:13

WitheringHeights8 · 12/01/2025 15:56

This is what I've tried to avoid, as it is often the same names offering to help multiple times. They are often teachers or work in jobs that require a PVG.

I'm sure it is a case of them being unwilling. I do understand that some parents would rather not be a distraction to their child, or maybe even suffer with social anxiety.

Just get back to me and make something up! Or tell the truth. I don't care. It's just rude.

Totally. Or they underestimate how much work we put in.

Show quote history

A simple ‘No I can’t’ would do.

They don’t need to offer a reason or excuse but I agree they should give you a straight answer!

Floralnomad · 12/01/2025 16:14

I ran a beaver and a cub group for several years , fortunately I had an assistant leader and some older teens that helped regularly but if we ever asked for help it was generally the same 2/3 parents ( mainly dads) . The only nights I was inundated with offers were archery night and canoeing night when 90% of the dads would turn up because they generally got to have a go . It was the same with camps , it was the same 2/3 that would help . People view cubs etc as childcare , they don’t want to come as well .

Original poster

WitheringHeights8 · 12/01/2025 16:15

PizzaPunk · 12/01/2025 16:13

A simple ‘No I can’t’ would do.

They don’t need to offer a reason or excuse but I agree they should give you a straight answer!

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I'd be happy with a no I can't!

Radio silence is just rude at this point.

OP posts:

Guitaryah · 12/01/2025 16:17

When I used to volunteer we got the most responses when we sent a form home with a simple yes / no tick box which made it clear it was fine to just not want to, but appreciated knowing so we didn't keep asking (best will some people just don't get round to replying rather than being a hard no never). I do think a lot don't realise it's run by volunteers, I remember quite often parents would comment that we must make quite a bit of money each term as if we took a wage.

gamerchick · 12/01/2025 16:17

Can people say no without giving a reason?

Original poster

WitheringHeights8 · 12/01/2025 16:18

Hello87abc · 12/01/2025 16:11

We’ve been told the occasional volunteer option has now stopped anyway? To be honest I do t think I would want loads of different parents helping each week. We have rainbows/brownies and guides all on at the same time just in a hall where we have different tables for each, it works really well and it means we have enough volunteers to not rely on others

We're still allowing it here. It's just after 2 times they need a PVG and safeguarding training.

I would much rather not have different parents each week, we just don't have another option at this point. Not that they haven't been lovely.

While the set-up you have is working, it wouldn't be feasible here.

OP posts:

budgiegirl · 12/01/2025 16:21

Ugh, as a cub leader, I feel your pain.

We are lucky to have enough leaders at the moment to only need extra help on rare occasions, and if I ask for help, several parents (the same ones every time) will step up. To be fair, having the same parents help on several occasions can help to recruit leaders as they become more involved with the group.

But in the past when we had fewer leaders, we had to run a parent rota, and it was very hard to fill it. In the end, we had to make it compulsory. I gave no options, but just sent out a list of when each parent had to come to the meeting, and told them to swap with someone else if the evening didn't suit them. They only had to do one meeting per year, so it was hardly onerous, and it did work quite well. Parents also had the option of sending an adult relative if they couldn't do it themselves. The only exemption was for disabilities (although some of our leaders have disabilities themselves)

I do understand that for some parents it's tricky due to work, childcare etc. But it's amazing how some of these same parents who say they can't help can manage to get their OH home early, or sort a babysitter, or finish work early if they want a night out themselves, but can't seem to manage the same once a year to help at cubs.

Autumn38 · 12/01/2025 16:22

WitheringHeights8 · 12/01/2025 15:56

This is what I've tried to avoid, as it is often the same names offering to help multiple times. They are often teachers or work in jobs that require a PVG.

I'm sure it is a case of them being unwilling. I do understand that some parents would rather not be a distraction to their child, or maybe even suffer with social anxiety.

Just get back to me and make something up! Or tell the truth. I don't care. It's just rude.

Totally. Or they underestimate how much work we put in.

Show quote history

Why do you need people to get back to you to let you know they aren’t available?

If you asked ‘please contact me if you can help’ then you won’t get loads of messages with made up excuses as to why they can’t help. Surely that is much better?

RupertCampbellBlacksEgo · 12/01/2025 16:26

Autumn38 · 12/01/2025 16:22

Why do you need people to get back to you to let you know they aren’t available?

If you asked ‘please contact me if you can help’ then you won’t get loads of messages with made up excuses as to why they can’t help. Surely that is much better?

Show quote history

That's what I would have thought. No reply is an answer.

ThisUsernameIsNowTaken · 12/01/2025 16:27

minipie · 12/01/2025 16:03

Mmm tricky and not great I agree

I wonder if you need an even more direct approach

Try sending out a rota with the helpful parents’ names filled in for some of the weeks. Say “please fill in your name where you can help. Or if you can’t help please can you email me to let me know why.”

Explain that if the rota isn’t filled then the sessions cannot run

People are driven by peer pressure and a public rota showing others have volunteered will hopefully make the reluctant pull their finger out…

Sorry, but I disagree. Parents shouldn't have to justify themselves. There could be many reasons why they won't help - work, childcare duties, already volunteering for other stuff, or maybe they simply don't want to. Personally I'd rather these clubs charged more to have the money to pay the people who run them. Then they wouldn't need to be scrambling for volunteers.

Seagullproofoldbag · 12/01/2025 16:29

budgiegirl · 12/01/2025 16:21

Ugh, as a cub leader, I feel your pain.

We are lucky to have enough leaders at the moment to only need extra help on rare occasions, and if I ask for help, several parents (the same ones every time) will step up. To be fair, having the same parents help on several occasions can help to recruit leaders as they become more involved with the group.

But in the past when we had fewer leaders, we had to run a parent rota, and it was very hard to fill it. In the end, we had to make it compulsory. I gave no options, but just sent out a list of when each parent had to come to the meeting, and told them to swap with someone else if the evening didn't suit them. They only had to do one meeting per year, so it was hardly onerous, and it did work quite well. Parents also had the option of sending an adult relative if they couldn't do it themselves. The only exemption was for disabilities (although some of our leaders have disabilities themselves)

I do understand that for some parents it's tricky due to work, childcare etc. But it's amazing how some of these same parents who say they can't help can manage to get their OH home early, or sort a babysitter, or finish work early if they want a night out themselves, but can't seem to manage the same once a year to help at cubs.

That's exactly what my son's Beavers leader did. It worked. Everyone could do one night per term even if they had to swap with someone else.

Original poster

WitheringHeights8 · 12/01/2025 16:32

For those who haven't taken the time to read my post properly, I have asked for a simple yes or no answer.

Then I can work around that accordingly.

It's difficult because I'd rather be supported by a consistent team of volunteers, not worry every month whether I can run a club or not.

OP posts:

budgiegirl · 12/01/2025 16:33

Personally I'd rather these clubs charged more to have the money to pay the people who run them. Then they wouldn't need to be scrambling for volunteers

Totally against the ethos of scouting/guiding, as it means that the clubs would not be open to everyone, only those who could afford to pay. Volunteers put in so many hours, both at meetings and behind the scenes, that if the volunteers were paid, the subs would rise dramatically, excluding many of the young people who attend. I doubt anyone in Scouting or Guiding would want this, it's not why we do it.

VirginiaGirl · 12/01/2025 16:33

This is one of the reasons I stopped volunteering for the Scouts.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 12/01/2025 16:34

Im a guide leader too, and also on the committee for film club. I don't take anything else on for other clubs. I went to help with judo but there were no clear instructions about what to do. Everytime I started something someone came and took over so I got the message my help wasn't good enough. So why bother? Same with riding - no specifics. Plus they all ignored me so I didn't feel inclined to help. If I do something I do it properly which means I need a decent brief to start with. I also need notice. Dh has 12 hr shifts so everything needs to align.

Cakeandusername · 12/01/2025 16:35

I started reading thinking this was my other guide leader! A few details and I know it isn’t but she’s on verge of closing rainbows due to lack of help.
We’ve tried appeals for regular volunteers inc a your child will get a place if you can supply a regular adult volunteer no luck (wait list is such most girls will age out before a place)
Weekly volunteer rota. So stressful as leader regularly gets to day of group and hasn’t a volunteer and only gets one when she posts rainbows will be cancelled unless someone signs up by noon.
2025 she’s trying allocation of a week to each girl (think it’s 2 weeks a year) and you supply an adult 18 plus or swap your week.
She sent the email when she was with me (on a weekend residential for older girls) and the first response came back in seconds and accused her of discrimination. Parent hadn’t checked if another adult she knew could do it or offer to help in another eg eg I can’t do that time but I could help with admin/trips.
We’ve noticed a big difference post covid. We do explain we are volunteers who all work our real ft paid jobs too and need enough help to run for safe ratios.
She has full support of Division and County. They think she should close as no support. She’s persevering until Easter. If it does close parents will be upset and girls miss out on opportunities.