Husband says any man would cheat given the opportunity

[Esgd27]

I’m a bit gobsmacked. Been with my DH for 30 years and have 2 grown up kid. Our relationship is generally ok.
We were watching a TV show tonight in which a woman hired a private detective to seduce her husband to see if he was faithful to her. My DH said it was unfair as it was entrapment. I said it was a bit odd but I guess the fictional wife had some concerns and was testing her husband. My DH doubled down by saying that all men would cheat given the opportunity. I challenged him and asked if he felt like that (ie he would cheat given half a chance). He said that he would and that any man would.
A very frosty exchange followed. He raised his voice and then tried to backtrack saying that wasn’t what he’d said and he didn’t mean it. But he did definitely say it. He’d drunk a bottle of wine so no doubt that exacerbated his truculence. He then went to bed in a huff.
I’m don’t particularly think he’s been /being unfaithful - and as a slightly plump balding 60 year old I don’t think he’s exactly Casanova.
I’ve tried to tell myself that it was just a slightly drunken silly remark. But I am still fuming - I thought it was a pretty rude and disrespectful thing to say to your wife. Particularly as he doubled down and didn’t apologise. He just didn’t seem to care or think what he was saying and it raised some concerns with me about his underlying moral code.

Well, yes, he was pretty stupid to admit to you, his wife!

Likewise, it does say an awful lot about his moral compass.....or lack thereof!

Up to you what you do about this new insight into the character of your partner.

I 'suspect' there are other issues in your relationship?

I'd be furious.

He is of course wrong. No doubt there are a lot of cheats ( women too) but certainly not all men. It's just arrogance and ignorance to believe you can speak on behalf of a whole demographic.

What he means is he would/has. It would raise a huge red flag to me.

You should’ve been the one going to bed in a huff after what he said. Now he’s acting like youre the one who’s done something wrong

Yeah, he wants to.

I don't think all men would given the opportunity. I've seen plenty of men turn down an opportunity.

He's not wrong

He's completely wrong.

Well I’m still pretty cross so no, not feeling particularly like flattering him at the moment.

LTB, change the locks, get your ducks in a row, smash the penis beaker and deploy the penguin bollards. It was a stupid remark on the back of a frivolous and largely pointless, wine-fuelled disagreement on the back of a fictional TV show. He clearly can't speak for all men and unless he has actually been in the situation he can't even speak truly for himself.

I voted YABU because most men will cheat given the opportunity, but of those men who'd like to cheat, some will be deterred by the chance of discovery.

Zero chance of discovery is very rare.

So the ones who cheat either don't care, or are very stupid.

For women, the question is, do I want a highly sexed man or not.

I think you are reading too much into what sounds like a pretty conventional case of masculine ego puffery mixed with pathological macho posturing. He didn’t mean he would cheat—he wanted to assert his right to be a bit of a lad, like other men. While a normal person might take pride in being moral, attached, honorable snd faithful there are lots of men who find those virtues dull and emasculating. So he rhetorically laid claim to his man card and asserted that all men would cheat if they could. I think he’s more buffoon than sinner. But i couldn’t respect him as my husband.

It’s classic deflection. He said something ej shouldn’t have, realised his mistake and is annoyed that OP is justifiably upset with him and challenged him. He’s taken the ‘if I get angry and storm off to show I’m angry, OP will feel worried/guilty and want to diffuse the situation and I no longer have to defend my idiotic argument’.

He’s an arsehole and owes you an apology. I’d definitely be angry. Ask him if he thinks most women would. Does he think you would? He’s a twat. Let him sulk. Sulk back.

Edited because I misunderstood the claim

Yes this was kind of my thinking. I’m not particularly concerned that he is or would cheat but am getting ‘oh god I’m married to an idiot’ vibes.

There are loads of things I might say I would if I could get away with it, but I am not sure if it actually happened to be given the chance I would go through with it. I’m definitely up for putting a flaming bag of shit on my old boss’s doorstep though.

Not all men etc, they are not one group represented by him.

I’ve just asked mine, half comatosed, and he says no 🤷🏻‍♀️

.*..deploy the penguin bollards

😂*

I had a conversation with a married male friend, who confessed that if he had the opportunity to cheat with a younger model, he would. He said he'd hate to get older and regret not having his chance with another woman. I was gobsmacked. I don't think he has cheated, but this made me think he would - given the chance. I think perhaps though, sometimes it's the idea - the fantasy, that appeals - reality is a very different thing. Men seem to put more importance on their sexual appeal to others, whereas women seem to be more concerned with staying attractive for their man (massive generalisation I know - but going on what I have witnessed). I don't know if it's a genetic thing or what, but to verbalise it out loud, and defend it, is a pretty dim thing to do. I don't think he's considered the implications of his words, felt a bit silly, then huffed off. I would talk to him when he's sober, he'll probably back track considerably - because with most men at this stage of life, they stand to lose a hell of a lot more than their wives do.

I think it's the case for a lot of men and quite a lot of women. All you have to do is read on here. The husbands don't cheat on their own.

It sounds like he would like to, but hasn’t been given the chance.

I was with a man like this. I’m surprised it hasn’t reared its head before now, have there not been any signs regarding the way he thinks about these things in the 30 years you’ve been together? He’s fooling himself by the way. Anyone that claims to speak for a whole group of people has very little insight. Some men, maybe many men would, but not not all. For many it would turn their stomach to think of it.

I would be extremely upset OP.

It's not so much the " all men" would cheat , because that's obviously not true. It's the fact he is giving away his own feelings: that he doesn't love or respect you enough to want to be faithful to you.

Whether or not he has cheated is almost irrelevant because he has now made you aware of his fantasies when he looks at other women. And personally I think out of respect to you he should have kept such fantasies to himself.