Husband says any man would cheat given the opportunity

[Esgd27]

I’m a bit gobsmacked. Been with my DH for 30 years and have 2 grown up kid. Our relationship is generally ok.
We were watching a TV show tonight in which a woman hired a private detective to seduce her husband to see if he was faithful to her. My DH said it was unfair as it was entrapment. I said it was a bit odd but I guess the fictional wife had some concerns and was testing her husband. My DH doubled down by saying that all men would cheat given the opportunity. I challenged him and asked if he felt like that (ie he would cheat given half a chance). He said that he would and that any man would.
A very frosty exchange followed. He raised his voice and then tried to backtrack saying that wasn’t what he’d said and he didn’t mean it. But he did definitely say it. He’d drunk a bottle of wine so no doubt that exacerbated his truculence. He then went to bed in a huff.
I’m don’t particularly think he’s been /being unfaithful - and as a slightly plump balding 60 year old I don’t think he’s exactly Casanova.
I’ve tried to tell myself that it was just a slightly drunken silly remark. But I am still fuming - I thought it was a pretty rude and disrespectful thing to say to your wife. Particularly as he doubled down and didn’t apologise. He just didn’t seem to care or think what he was saying and it raised some concerns with me about his underlying moral code.

Amusingly, he didn't know it was there. I'd put it out so I could film the birds. I've never seen him so distressed, and I'm sure there are many many arguments against it, but I know him well enough to say that his shocked face when he saw me proved he had absolutely no idea I was there.

I'm cynical, too. I've been with and around enough men to know that this goes on. I know for a fact my DH isn't one of those men.

I actually think he’s being refreshingly honest. A few men over the years have told me that ‘most’ men would. They never include themselves in it, of course. But yes, it’s something that didn’t need saying because an admission that he would be capable is in some ways as unsettling as an admission that he already had been. It does sow the seed that it’s just a matter of time and he won’t feel too much of a moral struggle either. It’s the blasé attitude that’s the worry. Are you meant to just nod in acceptance?

it was a joke

What's the joke ?

Well, he could cheat because he said he would if given the opportunity?

I think that says it all

@Esgd27 I hope he knows it’s dented you, and undermined your trust. That it’s changed things. Maybe he should wake up and work harder to regain your belief in him.

He isn't. They don't carry it out because of the consequences. Nothing else.

@ByHardyAquaFox

It takes a staggering level of arrogance to believe anyone can speak on behalf of every single one of the billions of men in the world.

It's actually laughable.

And yet there are lots of posts on here speaking on behalf of all men, and also on all humankind as a whole 🙄 total arrogance, and it’s because of their own desires, because they would, so they can’t fathom that some are so far removed from that thinking. And for those who thing all men would, it’s either misandry, or just the men they have known

I got side tracked wondering about penguin bollards!

I think he’s wrong and penguin bollards may be deployed by OP as she sees fit.

That's it in a nutshell. Because they would cheat they can't understand that others may feel differently.

So your DH has admitted that if he had ever got an offer to cheat on you, he would have done.

The ONLY reason he has remained faithful to you is because no other woman has never flirted with him or given any indication that she'd be interested in getting off with him; presumably because he's unappealing to look at and spend time with, so no one else fancies him?

He's with you because he's never had an option to be with anyone else, and he would happily risk your marriage and cheat if he was ever given that choice.

Wow.

That's quite the confession.

That’s rather sad.

Oh. That’s sorted then. Chris Rock said it so it must be true….

I am confused by women who agree with this but still want to date men.

Why would you want to risk your mental and physical health in this manner.

Sources? For any of this?

When did you poll all men?

And what of the ones who have turned down offers to cheat despite being in a situation where there would be no consequences.

Desperation
Not wanting to be alone
of the same mind and happy to settle until either or both of them are tempted
Grateful for breadcrumbs
Think men who don’t want to cheat aren’t hot blooded males and effeminate
Who knows, I don’t get it either.

I shall start with the dreaded “as a man”, but I think it’s relevant. But as a man, he’s wrong. I’ve not not had an affair because of ‘the consequences’ I’ve not had an affair because I don’t want to. That’s not to say I’m blind to other women being attractive, just that my wife is ace, and why would I want anyone else?

Does college-based relationship education decrease extradyadic involvement in relationships?
Braithwaite, S. R., Lambert, N. M., Fincham, F. D., & Pasley, K. (2010). Does college-based relationship education decrease extradyadic involvement in relationships? Journal of Family Psychology, 24(6), 740–745. https://fincham.info/papers/2010-relationship%20u.pdf

Another
https://www.researchgate.net/publication/249719300_Extradyadic_Involvement_During_Dating

There have been a few of these https://scholarsarchive.byu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=7362&context=etd

Exactly, thanks for speaking up. We can appreciate beauty, without wanting to screw it. I can see a sunset that takes my breath away but I don’t want to shag it. Something kicks in when you’re truly bonded to someone, for a lot of us. Sad how so many clearly don’t feel that

Your stats were way off, and you post studies done on college kids, and a small pool of them at that, that’s not grown up relationships between men and women, so how you could confidently state that 75% of men have cheated is utterly bizarre.

https://www.livescience.com/14671-cheating-personality.html is talking about this https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21667234/

There are a few of these too. However I do wonder at the validity of many since people lie but mostly because there is a lack of consensus of what cheating actually entails. Some think someone masturbating thinking of someone else is cheating, others require a more emotional or physical connection and even within those there are endless layers of cheating too, I know one person absolutely adamant that talking about your relationship outside of the family is cheating ... to them that is their boundary but not to all.

Point I am woefully poor at making is we can have endless studies but all will be limited in their research because cheating is such a huge topic and have too many variables to research fully.

Those are not my stats, I did none of the research.

The links on the post quoted are for some research done with college students. My 2nd post above explains my take and a link to the 20/25% as quoted in my earlier post.

I don't believe any of it is great research on cheating, what I do know is that some people cheat and some don't but that depends on an individuals personal take on what cheating is in the first place, it is different for everyone.

I don’t think all men would but I think the majority would if they knew they’d never get caught, which is what your DH probably meant when he said “the opportunity.” Men who proclaim they’d never do such a thing, I always think well “the lady doth protest too much,” you know? I’m monogamous by choice but do struggle to believe most people haven’t had their heads turned in long term relationship — but had the sensibility to not pursue it because yes it’s incredibly damaging and painful for a fleeting moment. My DH adores me but life is long and would he never cheat on me? I’m not naive enough to say no he wouldn’t. He very well might given the right place, time, person.