Husband says any man would cheat given the opportunity

[Esgd27]

I’m a bit gobsmacked. Been with my DH for 30 years and have 2 grown up kid. Our relationship is generally ok.
We were watching a TV show tonight in which a woman hired a private detective to seduce her husband to see if he was faithful to her. My DH said it was unfair as it was entrapment. I said it was a bit odd but I guess the fictional wife had some concerns and was testing her husband. My DH doubled down by saying that all men would cheat given the opportunity. I challenged him and asked if he felt like that (ie he would cheat given half a chance). He said that he would and that any man would.
A very frosty exchange followed. He raised his voice and then tried to backtrack saying that wasn’t what he’d said and he didn’t mean it. But he did definitely say it. He’d drunk a bottle of wine so no doubt that exacerbated his truculence. He then went to bed in a huff.
I’m don’t particularly think he’s been /being unfaithful - and as a slightly plump balding 60 year old I don’t think he’s exactly Casanova.
I’ve tried to tell myself that it was just a slightly drunken silly remark. But I am still fuming - I thought it was a pretty rude and disrespectful thing to say to your wife. Particularly as he doubled down and didn’t apologise. He just didn’t seem to care or think what he was saying and it raised some concerns with me about his underlying moral code.

Thanks.

You confidently stated that 75% of men have cheated at least once and 68% of women. when people throw these stats around, they are based on a small pool of people from a particular setting, and do not reflect society as a whole. so whatever take you have on it, your confident assertions did nothing but spread disinformation - although, most people understand that when people start throwing around stats about society as a whole, that it is a massively flawed way of coming to conclusions.

No I didn't.

This is what I wrote.

I've seen those figures pertain to a study in college students.

Most studies suggest an average figure of around 20-25% it's been pretty consistant across a number of studies, both genders cheat with women tending to admit in slightly lower percentages than men, possibly because of sex work availability.

I suppose if we look at our sexual history overall there is a lot more cheating in casual relationships but less cheating in serious relationships. When you consider women on average find attached men far more attractive than single ones the opportunities for married men to cheat is potentially higher and yet the actual amount of cheating in more serious committed relationships is relatively low.

Personally, I think the reasons people cheat are manifold. There are often threads on here with people asking why and it often becomes heated.

They GENERALLY boil down to men do it because they can and are sexually incontinent and women do because, well, women don't without being lied to by a man, a man has neglected her, she's the wrong sort of woman (not women like 'us').

Some people cheat because they feel (rightly or wrongly) neglected in their primary relationship.

Some people cheat simply because an opportunity arose.

Some people cheat because their relationship is essentially over and they've emotionally left their primary relationship but are still there physically for all the usual reasons - fear of the unknown, children, finances, shared life but have been unhappy for a while and have met someone else.

Some people cheat because they seek the validation of others being attracted to them.

Some are attracted to the novelty of sleeping with someome different.

There are probably more and it's also why the 'once a cheat, always a cheat' doesn't hold up because someone who has been faithful in an unhappy or sexless marriage who 'meets someome else' isn't cheating in the same way or for the same reasons as someome who seeks out novelty or validation.

There are a lot of people (men and women) who would cheat given the opportunity and a lot who wouldn't even if given the opportunity.

I often read on here that no woman would approach a man for an affair or send inappropriate messages unless the man had given her some indication he was already interested because its only men who do that. But it's not true.

I was quoting whoever bought up the false statistics to begin with, they were the one being asked to provide evidence of their statistics…..they said:

You just have to look to the statistics to see that the majority of people do cheat. Around 75% of men have cheated at least once and only about 50% will admit to regretting it. There would be some men who would never consider it, but they are very much a minority.
However.... Around 68% of women have cheated with similar regret rates so it's not really anything to do with the sex of the individual, it's more like humans (like most animals studied) are not programmed for long term monogamy.

You have been married for 30 years

Judge him on his behaviour over that time rather than one drunken comment

I know but you accused me of spreading misinformation

It's fine to make a mistake in quoting but at least own up when you do mistakenly accuse someone else

If you inserted yourself into a thread where everybody was asking the original commenter to prove evidence of their statistics, it’s easy to make that mistake. You also provided statistics, and for things like this they simply don’t hold up, a small study of a select group of people usually from a small sector of society does not translate as a certain percentage of all people will cheat

Anyone on a forum can answer any post. I quoted who I was talking to plainly for anyone who could be bothered to check.

It's on you to make sure you are addressing the poster you are replying too. You are now just covering your arse and trying to put words into my subsequent posts that weren't there. My posting and intention stands up to scrutiny even if you won't accept that

I'm ending my part in this argument here and trusting the readers to know the truth rather than waste their reading time in pointless and disingenuous squabbles

a whole string of MN phrases.

No need to be a massive salad about it.

I think I'd have replied "like you'd get the chance..."

However, my DH has assured me he'd never want to cheat and he certainly has had the opportunity to do so. (Although I don't think he's organised enough or would actually notice if anyone was subtle about it.)

You don't cheat because you know what you have is worth vastly more to you. If this is coming in to question then you probably need to question how you feel about your relationship.

mine definitely wouldn't. thinking all men would cheat if they could is a huge red flag. he thinks being unfaithful is normal. that's not okay

I may be naive, but I would assume that cheaters are actually in the minority. The majority of people either want to be in a committed relationship or, if faced with problems in the relationship, would leave the relationship first and seek a new relationship after.

It’s very hard though for cheaters/ fickle people/ those with a low moral bar and a propensity for boredom/ desire for novelty (people high in narcissistic traits), to see the world through any lense but their own. Therefore, they will confidently assert that everyone sees the world the way they do, would be tempted by what they are tempted by, and would act the way that they would. We’ve seen that on this thread!

I dated a guy like this, and he was totally convinced that everyone was just like him, hence I had to deal with a lot of paranoia and false accusations, because for many with a low moral bar, they live in fear of being treated the way they treat others. The only kind of person that they should date, is someone who is the same as them, and they should be upfront with partners from the start about the way they tick. I guess many aren’t because they have genuinely convinced themselves that the majority of people think the way that they do, rather than facing the fact that they are not a good catch, and the type of partner that even they themselves would prefer to avoid!

I think at some point there might be an opportunity for many attached people to cheat on their significant other.

However most people use their brains,exercise self control and remember they love their partners and don't do anything.

I'm sorry OP but your DH is an arsehole.