Husband says any man would cheat given the opportunity

[Esgd27]

I’m a bit gobsmacked. Been with my DH for 30 years and have 2 grown up kid. Our relationship is generally ok.
We were watching a TV show tonight in which a woman hired a private detective to seduce her husband to see if he was faithful to her. My DH said it was unfair as it was entrapment. I said it was a bit odd but I guess the fictional wife had some concerns and was testing her husband. My DH doubled down by saying that all men would cheat given the opportunity. I challenged him and asked if he felt like that (ie he would cheat given half a chance). He said that he would and that any man would.
A very frosty exchange followed. He raised his voice and then tried to backtrack saying that wasn’t what he’d said and he didn’t mean it. But he did definitely say it. He’d drunk a bottle of wine so no doubt that exacerbated his truculence. He then went to bed in a huff.
I’m don’t particularly think he’s been /being unfaithful - and as a slightly plump balding 60 year old I don’t think he’s exactly Casanova.
I’ve tried to tell myself that it was just a slightly drunken silly remark. But I am still fuming - I thought it was a pretty rude and disrespectful thing to say to your wife. Particularly as he doubled down and didn’t apologise. He just didn’t seem to care or think what he was saying and it raised some concerns with me about his underlying moral code.

Whilst I’m sure that some men would not cheat, there are many women (and men) who could not believe that their partner would ever cheat on them only to find that, sadly, they were wrong.

We are animals, with a thin veneer of civilisation, and there are biological impulses at play. I think the majority of men would cheat if they had the opportunity.

It was a stupid remark on the back of a frivolous and largely pointless, wine-fuelled disagreement on the back of a fictional TV show. He clearly can't speak for all men and unless he has actually been in the situation he can't even speak truly for himself.

I do agree with this, can see why you're hurt by his comments OP. I don't think all men would cheat given the chance, I think a lot would though. I didn't used to be so jaded until I worked in a male dominated job and whew I was surprised.

Agreed.

He's right, and it's obviously an uncomfortable truth for you.

I believe more people than you think would do all manner of things if they knew they would face zero consequences.

So in other words, the only reason he hasn’t cheated is due to lack of opportunity?!

I think it’s normal to feel attracted to others, probably even more so for men. But being actually willing to cheat is something different - plenty of men wouldn’t cheat because they connect sex and intimacy, and they wouldn’t be able to face being so disloyal to a partner they love.

I know it’s only theoretical but I’d actually be really hurt by this.

It’s only one step away from saying he’s only stayed with you because no better offers have come along.

A half-drunken conversation about famous people you find attractive - fine. But telling your spouse that you’d actually cheat on them if you could? 😳 Fucking hell. Absolutely not ok.

I’m not entirely sure what I’d do with this information but I don’t think I would be able to just shrug it off. Maybe see what he says in the morning?

My DP can be a real nob at times (as can I) but I’m confident that it’s not lack of opportunity that means we’re both faithful. I wouldn’t touch another man, regardless of how hot he was, and I’m certain that my DP wouldn’t do anything with a woman either. Not everyone enjoys random shags - even men 🤷‍♀️

(Edited for typo)

I agree

I work in a male dominated industry and there are lots of men who are "happily married" and "family men". Most of them have had affairs over the years. It's really sad. I don't think all men would cheat if they had a chance. Some just wouldn't. But there are a lot that would/ have and their partners believe they wouldn't.

Do I think my partner would cheat. Hmmm who knows. I have never had any suspicion or any reason to think he would but you can never, ever be sure.

Well he’s only giving his opinion and obviously not every single man in the world would cheat, it’s probably more like 90%.

My husband would never say that in a million years, he is staunchly anti cheating

Someone actually did a study on this. Found that most men would cheat if there was absolutely zero chance of being discovered.

I can’t get too excited about it. If men are not cheating because it would upset their partners then that’s good. Doesn’t mean they wouldn’t be one of the ones who would like to if it was consequence free.

My friend’s DH died suddenly which caused her to have unexpected access to his information. He had been cheating when he was abroad. I know he never meant for her to know and would have been devastated at the upset it caused.

My husband would never say that in a million years, he is staunchly anti cheating

A couple of my friends were married to lovely guys, both vocal anti cheats, they both cheated.

I’d be interested to know why he thinks it’s only men?

You don’t see the issue with a husband saying he would absolutely cheat if a woman came on to him? Are you insane?

This of course depends on the context. If you have a great sex life, no need for him to look elsewhere. If you don't he may. My behaviour was appalling. My job involved a lot of travel, I was the head of a large international business, quite well known in its field, did a lot of speaking had published some books, In the end my wife divorced me, with good cause. Now she lives in some splendour and I don't. Serves me right and I have no complaints.

This indicates that, if he's been faithful to you all this time, it's only because no-one else wanted him! Not exactly affirming, is it? You should be bloody annoyed, he's effectively said you're what he had to settle for.

He's an idiot. I sincerely hope you'll get the profuse apology you deserve.

He's also wrong, by the way. These honeytrap agencies do exist, and they do have satisfied customers - that is, targets who turn down the opportunity even though the 'trap' is chosen to suit their preference.

He's wrong

Who gets that mad about a hypothetical conversation?

I think he’s right and I think the same applies to women. Monogamy is a social construct and I think it’s a rare person in a long time relationship who wouldn’t have liked to have sex with someone else at some stage in the relationship.

Those who don’t cheat make that choice because of the potential consequences or because they choose to adhere to the embedded moral code of the specific society they live in.

He has told you given the chance he would cheat.
Don't underestimate how many women would fuck a balding, fat, older man.

I don't think ANY man would cheat but I do think that anyone IS capable of cheating, male or female.

I don’t think all men would, but yes I do believe under the right circumstances many would. More than what their partners would like to believe.

Some men won’t get any female attention so the opportunity won’t arise, so they won’t be in a situation to do such a thing, though that’s not to say they wouldn’t if an opportunity arose.

Ive just read that he said he would cheat given the opportunity. He sounds like a right knob I’m afraid. It would be a kick to the kerb from me as it sounds like he’s never cheated because the opportunity has been there for him to take advantage of. A balding 60 year old won’t be in many women’s priority list so he likely won’t but it’s not because he wouldn’t want want to 🤢

It was a stupid, probably wine fuelled, thing to say to you. But I don’t think he is wrong. If they knew they could get away with it, a lot of men would cheat. For obvious reasons, most of them would never admit that in a month of Sundays. Like a pp, I have worked with men for decades and I’m still occasionally shocked by the sheer volume who do this and also amazed that any potential ow falls for their bullshit!
Some people just have different thought processes and standards. One male friend was horrified when the long term affair of another male friend was discovered. Called him all the names under the sun. The fact that he himself on occasion, shagged random women when away with work was apparently “different” 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️
I think all you can do op is make it extremely clear what your boundaries are and stick to them.

I would like to hope thats he’s wrong OP - how depressing and what a crap thing to think and say!

PS. Thank you for teaching me the word truculent - never heard of it before, brilliant word 😄

I know someone like that too! He actively fell out with others who cheated and hand plenty of finger wagging to say how disgusting it was to cheat of your wife bla bla. Lo and behold he done exactly that a few years later. The hypocrisy made it worse!

Would you be ok if your DH said he would cheat if the opportunity arose? I take it you don’t really like him in that case…