Friends cancelled 30 mins before we were due to set off

[Monicageller221]

Had plans for last night that had been made since November. DP and I were meant to be travelling to our friends house, having a meal at a restaurant and then going back to theirs for some drinks.

It is a 45 minute drive away and they invited us to stay over so that we didn’t have to be spending money on a taxi back. The meal was already booked, and we had bought some alcohol to take with us for the evening and they also bought a bit, plus snacks.

We got all ready, bags were packed, hair done, make up done, outfit on. My sister had just arrived as she was staying at mine to look after the cats so I was downstairs having a conversation with her when DP shouted down “they’ve cancelled it!” Basically they had an argument due to the house not being tidy and one of them got into “a mood” and cancelled the whole thing. I told DP to just give it 30 mins until it’s time to leave and they might have calmed down by then. However they never picked up the phone again.

Part of me is really annoyed at this, I would never let someone down like this. Especially over the reason that they did! However another part of me is thinking maybe the messy house thing isn’t true and something else has gone on more serious? DP is really annoyed by it and thinks it was selfish to cancel so short notice without a good reason.

What would you think if this happened to you, would you be annoyed? Or this a this an ok thing to do to people?

I would assume the argument was serious and they didn’t want to socialise any longer. No point creating at atmosphere especially when others are involved. Did you and DH go out together?

I don't think it is an okay thing to do to people, if the reason they have given is the real one. I would suspect that there is something more serious going on with them, especially as no-one answered the phone later.

I’d probably just got out somewhere else’s with my other half. I’d just think it was their business about the argument. Whilst it’s a shame I don’t think I’d feel any personal way about it and just make the most of being ready to go out and having a pet sitter.

I’d think they’d had a very serious argument.

I would be really pissed off and want some kind of explanation and proper apology. That's appalling behaviour and unless something serious has happened I would be pulling back a bit from the friendship.

I’d just have went out for dinner and drinks myself. Clearly whatever happened didn’t make it suitable for you to be there and stay over.

I kind of admire their honesty because it's really embarrassing to admit to your friends that you have had an argument that serious that you have had to cancel your whole evening.

I think you need new friends.

I don’t think it’s ok but they probably haven’t said the real reason. I wouldn’t make plans with them again though.

YANBU but I can imagine exh doing something like this - getting in such a bad mood about something trivial that the evening had to be cancelled.

I feel sorry for the one who isn’t the mood haver as it can be a really awful way to live.

Of course it’s not ideal, but if you had gone your AIBUmight have been “why did our friends let us come to stay when they’d clearly had a big row and were really unhappy. It really spoiled the weekend. AIBU to think they should have cancelled and had us over another time?”

Did anyone cancel the restaurant reservation? I’d be pissed off if I was the manager about 2 definite no shows on a Friday night.

There's no way of knowing. If the theoretical more serious thing was illness or an emergency, you'd expect them to say because it would be a more acceptable excuse. But the argument might have been over something else, which they didn't want to share.

Yes I also suspect that the argument was about something more serious. But DP is so annoyed, he is saying we shouldn’t arrange anything with them again if they’re going to let us down like that. But I feel like we can’t judge if we don’t actually know what’s gone on. But at the time I was pissed off about it

Unless they have flakey form I’d be thinking this.

Used to call exh a dementor when he behaved like that

I would still have went out with my partner without them. You could have invited your sister and then drove back and had some drinks.

I voted YABU.

I remember cancelling a social event after XH had kicked the shit out of me (yes, it was the final straw).

What really shocked me was one person’s response which was all about how they had been inconvenienced by the cancellation. I had just said we had a big row.

You don’t know what goes on in other people’s relationships, no matter how confident you are that you do.

I would have been annoyed and concerned at the same time.

@Monicageller221 what did you do in the end? Is the non moody partner OK?

I have no idea. DPs friend text him this morning apologising for ruining the evening. DP asked if everything is ok and he just said “yeah there’s just no talking to her when she’s in that mood” so basically blaming his girlfriend. Idk what’s gone on and it’s not my business so try not to judge too much. But it was still annoying

Yeah not great I don't think I would have rang them though, if they've cancelled they've cancelled. Also you said leave it till half an hour before it's time to leave so what time did they cancel?

Sounds like a relationship on the edge and they are having to get comfortable with the idea of socialising that. If, not making up after a row (or at least pretending it's all ok) is so hard to manage for a nice dinner with friends then something is very wrong. I wouldn't take offence but just be prepared to be a friend.

We went out ourselves because we were all dressed up. So it was a nice evening still but it does feel shit to be cancelled on so suddenly when you’re looking forward to a nice evening. Again… not their fault though if it is something more serious. But if it’s the reason that they gave then I just think it’s a bit rude and selfish letting people down like that over such an insignificant reason

So, did you go out for a meal?

I would probably be on the lookout for signs of any violence in their relationship and if you can support them going forward, just in case there is more to it than you know.