Friends cancelled 30 mins before we were due to set off

[Monicageller221]

Had plans for last night that had been made since November. DP and I were meant to be travelling to our friends house, having a meal at a restaurant and then going back to theirs for some drinks.

It is a 45 minute drive away and they invited us to stay over so that we didn’t have to be spending money on a taxi back. The meal was already booked, and we had bought some alcohol to take with us for the evening and they also bought a bit, plus snacks.

We got all ready, bags were packed, hair done, make up done, outfit on. My sister had just arrived as she was staying at mine to look after the cats so I was downstairs having a conversation with her when DP shouted down “they’ve cancelled it!” Basically they had an argument due to the house not being tidy and one of them got into “a mood” and cancelled the whole thing. I told DP to just give it 30 mins until it’s time to leave and they might have calmed down by then. However they never picked up the phone again.

Part of me is really annoyed at this, I would never let someone down like this. Especially over the reason that they did! However another part of me is thinking maybe the messy house thing isn’t true and something else has gone on more serious? DP is really annoyed by it and thinks it was selfish to cancel so short notice without a good reason.

What would you think if this happened to you, would you be annoyed? Or this a this an ok thing to do to people?

How is it an insignificant reason?

Meal was booked for 7 so they told us to get to theirs at 6:30. So we needed to set off at 5:45. They cancelled round about 5:10ish. I took half a days annual leave because I don’t finish work until 5:30 usually

Could be flaky and disrespectful

Could be a sign of major difficulties in the relationship

I'd try to meet one on one to find out

reason that they gave then I just think it’s a bit rude and selfish letting people down like that over such an insignificant reason.

I don’t think it’s an insignificant reason and whichever one you spoke to was startlingly honest. If you’d gone as planned, the other partner would have ruined the evening because of the atmosphere between them. It was clearly a very bad argument.

Depends. Are they normally reliable? If so, I imagine the argument is either extremely bad - split up worthy - or something awful has happened they don't want to tell you about. Though it would be odd to give an argument as an excuse if not true, since that doesn't paint them in a good light. So probably really bad argument is true. But does sound immature that they can't control themselves enough not to keep to the arrangements.

People are allowed to cancel. It’s only a meal out, you hadn’t left the house yet or come that close to. It’s really not that big of a deal.

Not relevant but why would you take half a day's leave to go to a meal 45 minutes away? The timing of the meal could easily have been an hour or more later? I live in London and it routinely takes me 45 minutes to travel to meet friends or for an event.

Are you friends with the gf at all too to check in directly with her?

As it reads more like you (or your partner) is friends with the male partner. The arguement is about the house being a mess.

Did the partner invite you both over to stay but not helped get the house ready and the gf doesn't want you guys coming over to a shitshow. But the partner doesn't see it as an issue. I can sort of see how this could happen and the gf refusing to then continue with the plans if he hasn't helped prepare for guests... And as you say could be more going on than this.

Yes sorry I worded that wrong, I didn’t mean having a row was an insignificant reason. I meant having a messy house is a bit of a shit reason. If that was me I wouldn’t cancel a whole group of peoples plans that they’ve made an effort for and looking forward to over a messy house. But I only think that IF that reason is true. Obviously if there’s more going on that I don’t know about then that’s not for me to judge, and I just hope they’re okay. That’s why I wondered how other people would feel about this because while I felt pissed off last night, this morning I’m now thinking there may be more to it and it isn’t fair to be annoyed at them when we don’t know the circumstances

Or it may have been as simple as after a big row they needed time to calm down and talk things over, not host guests.

Yes you’re right, it’s DPs friend. I have become friends with his girlfriend but not enough to be able to ask her if she’s ok. It might look like I’m fishing for gossip.

He hasn’t said much so I’m not sure. All I know is that the girlfriend was in a mood due to the house being a mess and they had an argument about it.

I agree. They should have put aside their differences and gone ahead. It was too late to cancel. Don't bother with them. Selfish inconsiderate pair.

because I wanted to take annual leave… surely it doesn’t bother you when other people decide to take annual leave and for what reasons? Lol

I have seen plenty of posts on mn along the lines of 'my dp invites people to stay but won't tidy, clean or make the beds. I work full time too and resent the extra work'
Has someone just had enough of being the house elf?
I could well see a blazing row and a cancellation after that.

At least you didn't have to sit between two angry people snipping at each other all night. Followed by the row continuing into the night fuelled by alcohol.

If that had been us (as your friends), we'd just have snapped at eachother, gone quiet on each other for a short while and then moved on just before you arrived/on your arrival. We're not ones for arguing though, so I think it must have been pretty serious.

We had friends (a couple) cancel us on New Year’s Eve once, we were meant to be going out to a dinner together. They cancelled on us with a really rubbish excuse but they split up a couple of days later, so I’d assume it’s fairly serious if they don’t have form.

I see the situation as @Bearhunt468 does. Plenty of posters write about lazy partners who don’t make an effort with household chores. How would you feel if you’d been in her situation? I wouldn’t hold it against them.

I think you could read all sorts into it, if you really really want to. Most people I know would probably say that they're unwell/got a migraine/been sick etc...it was obviously very heated, they've told the truth and the evening was cancelled. Yeah annoying for you, but you still went out, can use the snacks etc you bought, at home.

Would you feel any different if they had text to say one of them was sick?

I would be very annoyed. This is like the flakiness thread the other day. You had gone to a lot of trouble for a night out planned ages ago and this reason just sounds so lame. Surely they would have sorted out the house sooner if they have guests and why are they telling you about their relationship....I wouldn't be planning anything with them again in a hurry. But people will be along soon to tell you that it was your choice to use a half day annual leave/do your make up etc and your expectations were too high 🙄

They haven’t cancelled before but they are alwaysssss late to things. We’ve had to start things without them in the past because they’ve turned up late

There will be a whole spectrum of truth. Sadly I see this through the eyes of someone who lived with an abusive alcoholic and would just say it might be worth touching base with each of them to see if any spidery senses are there. Might be nothing.

@Viviennemary Yep they should have put their game faces on and just gone ahead, it just ties into how flaky people are now. Letting people down at the last minute like that is mortifying, unless it's an emergency.

As a foursome it's easy to avoid talking to one person.

My reaction would depend on what our relationship with them was normally like. DH and I were supposed to be meeting friends for a meal and a gig in another city. Our friends were late then rang, so upset, to say they'd had an argument so werent coming. She was really apologetic but so upset. Then the next time we were due to do it, same city, another gig, no meal, she dropped out because their DD was worried about something going on at school. It was a Sunday night.

It was fine. We see them about 3 or 4 times a year as couples. The men play football together. We've been friends for about 15 years and hopefully will continue to be for decades when the kids have all left home. I'm happy to take the long term view with this relationship.

Yes, that was my first thought when I read the OP. I bet the GF is sick of having to get the house in order for her partner's guests and this was the last straw.

You should see it as being lucky. Mr and hubby stayed with a couple. I don't usually drink but had a couple of glasses and slowly realised they had an argument..... Which escalated during the night. If I could have drove we would have left. Really awful.