Friends cancelled 30 mins before we were due to set off

[Monicageller221]

Had plans for last night that had been made since November. DP and I were meant to be travelling to our friends house, having a meal at a restaurant and then going back to theirs for some drinks.

It is a 45 minute drive away and they invited us to stay over so that we didn’t have to be spending money on a taxi back. The meal was already booked, and we had bought some alcohol to take with us for the evening and they also bought a bit, plus snacks.

We got all ready, bags were packed, hair done, make up done, outfit on. My sister had just arrived as she was staying at mine to look after the cats so I was downstairs having a conversation with her when DP shouted down “they’ve cancelled it!” Basically they had an argument due to the house not being tidy and one of them got into “a mood” and cancelled the whole thing. I told DP to just give it 30 mins until it’s time to leave and they might have calmed down by then. However they never picked up the phone again.

Part of me is really annoyed at this, I would never let someone down like this. Especially over the reason that they did! However another part of me is thinking maybe the messy house thing isn’t true and something else has gone on more serious? DP is really annoyed by it and thinks it was selfish to cancel so short notice without a good reason.

What would you think if this happened to you, would you be annoyed? Or this a this an ok thing to do to people?

See they have run out of things to say.
End of Thread

This was probably the decision of one of them only, so maybe unfair to blame them both. But awful to cancel on you like that.

For what?

Dutiful partner 😂

Then not much you can do. Leave it to your husband as it’s his friend.

I must say, if I am having people over, I go crazy making sure the place is clean and tidy. That's just me. It's like OCD. Perhaps the girlfriend is like that too.

Also, it may be something like, she has asked her boyfriend to do things to prepare for the OP and her DP. He has not, and it may not be the first time. This could have led to a big blow up, but the straw that broke the 🐫 back. Its just one too many times for her.

I know it may not be anything like that. However, I can understand why it actually could be a messy house that started off the argument.

For example: If the GF is constantly repeating herself and asking for certain things to be done, but when it comes down to it, these things do not happen, then she may feel constant disregard and disrespect. So anyone not living in that situation will probably feel like it's a stupid and ridiculous reason, but if this type of thing happens over and over, then it becomes about the ongoing feelings of disregard and disrespect, as opposed to the messy house.

Now, the boyfriend mentions just the messy house, of course, and not the real reason behind it. This makes the GF look extremely petty and unreasonable, but only to those who do not know the full extent of what is truly occurring.

@OnePeppyDenimHelper

How can that be the voice of reason...

"I’d just have went out"

🤔 Must have missed that bit, are you querying the grammar?

I was married to a physically & emotionally abusive gaslighter for 10 years. I could see myself cancelling guests, on occasions when I'd been abused and was too much of a physical or emotional wreck to host visitors. The lady could have been doing the guests a kindness, not having to make them mediators in a serious situation? Or it could be a case of coercive control & the man not wanting to expose the situation? (Especially with the disdain he showed her?) Maybe the girlfriend was issuing a cry for help, by letting the friends know there was an argument? A red flag?

Good friends understand without a long detailed explanation. Sometimes in life a situation happens that you cannot share with your friends. Be kind and don't judge. It is not like this is something they do often. If it happens again then no longer make plans with them.

accept it and maybe a phone call or a card to check if they’re ok? You never know what’s happening in someone else’s life …

Jesus Christ what a massive leap. Get a grip.

Please could you refrain from telling people to “get a grip” in discussion? It’s rather ignorant to the fact that these things do happen to people and do affect people deeply. Might be a leap in this situation but also might have happened to this poster.

Well since you’re so big a balance and objectivity, it could also have been a coercive, manipulative, bullying wife. She could have been holding a knife to her husbands throat at the time that she cancelled for example. A leap I know but it appears this thread is all about taking leaps. It could also just be that the OP’s “friends” just decided they didn’t want to spend time with them because they’re boring?! 😂😂

Make them D list friends rather than A and never answer their calls.

Wow - calm down it is not so serious. People cancel appointments it happens.
Try not to read so much into it. If the friend feels safe to tell more she will.

People can't go around making assumptions. I think people like that are dangerous. I remember when someone made assumptions about me it was upsetting. I made sure she knew exactly how I felt. I haven't spoken to her since. The thought of her gossiping about me behind my back pissed me off.

I know this is an anonymous forum but discussions like that could have a negative impact. It's all hearsay and assumptions and I wouldn't advise the op to start making assumptions about her friends relationship. They probably wouldn't appreciate it.

Don’t disagree with that at all. It’s the get a grip part that’s pretty awful in my mind. Quite a nasty phrase i think.

Bless you 🥲

You wouldn’t say that if you were walking downhill on thin ice. 🤣🤣

Yes I can really identify with this. My DH loves socialising and wants to do so often and to a high standard. But he is completely uninterested in keeping the house well maintained and decorated and makes a terrible mess all of the time! This has led to tension and cancellations but never at the last minute. Forty-five minutes in advance is pretty poor behaviour! (DH has many other very good qualities I should add.)

I've heard worse. You're lucky if that's the nastiest phrase you've heard. I would much rather someone tell me to get a grip personally.