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Original poster

Friends cancelled 30 mins before we were due to set off

450 replies

Monicageller221 · 11/01/2025 08:56

Had plans for last night that had been made since November. DP and I were meant to be travelling to our friends house, having a meal at a restaurant and then going back to theirs for some drinks.

It is a 45 minute drive away and they invited us to stay over so that we didn’t have to be spending money on a taxi back. The meal was already booked, and we had bought some alcohol to take with us for the evening and they also bought a bit, plus snacks.

We got all ready, bags were packed, hair done, make up done, outfit on. My sister had just arrived as she was staying at mine to look after the cats so I was downstairs having a conversation with her when DP shouted down “they’ve cancelled it!” Basically they had an argument due to the house not being tidy and one of them got into “a mood” and cancelled the whole thing. I told DP to just give it 30 mins until it’s time to leave and they might have calmed down by then. However they never picked up the phone again.

Part of me is really annoyed at this, I would never let someone down like this. Especially over the reason that they did! However another part of me is thinking maybe the messy house thing isn’t true and something else has gone on more serious? DP is really annoyed by it and thinks it was selfish to cancel so short notice without a good reason.

What would you think if this happened to you, would you be annoyed? Or this a this an ok thing to do to people?

OP posts:
BabyBlue777 · 18/01/2025 20:10

If my friends canceled last minute I would leave them to it. And go out somewhere nice instead. More things to worry about in life than a night out. If the couple were all humpy it would not have been fun. But I understand your feelings too. Was poor timing.

HotChocolateNotCocoa · 18/01/2025 20:11

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

What a load of old shit.

MumWifeOther · 18/01/2025 20:30

Monicageller221 · 11/01/2025 08:56

Had plans for last night that had been made since November. DP and I were meant to be travelling to our friends house, having a meal at a restaurant and then going back to theirs for some drinks.

It is a 45 minute drive away and they invited us to stay over so that we didn’t have to be spending money on a taxi back. The meal was already booked, and we had bought some alcohol to take with us for the evening and they also bought a bit, plus snacks.

We got all ready, bags were packed, hair done, make up done, outfit on. My sister had just arrived as she was staying at mine to look after the cats so I was downstairs having a conversation with her when DP shouted down “they’ve cancelled it!” Basically they had an argument due to the house not being tidy and one of them got into “a mood” and cancelled the whole thing. I told DP to just give it 30 mins until it’s time to leave and they might have calmed down by then. However they never picked up the phone again.

Part of me is really annoyed at this, I would never let someone down like this. Especially over the reason that they did! However another part of me is thinking maybe the messy house thing isn’t true and something else has gone on more serious? DP is really annoyed by it and thinks it was selfish to cancel so short notice without a good reason.

What would you think if this happened to you, would you be annoyed? Or this a this an ok thing to do to people?

It’s not ideal, but it’s also not always possible to fake it and with good friends, I think it’s better to be honest rather than everyone have an awkward time.

You can still go somewhere with your partner and have a lovely time

Jaxsofit · 18/01/2025 20:33

Monicageller221 · 11/01/2025 08:56

Had plans for last night that had been made since November. DP and I were meant to be travelling to our friends house, having a meal at a restaurant and then going back to theirs for some drinks.

It is a 45 minute drive away and they invited us to stay over so that we didn’t have to be spending money on a taxi back. The meal was already booked, and we had bought some alcohol to take with us for the evening and they also bought a bit, plus snacks.

We got all ready, bags were packed, hair done, make up done, outfit on. My sister had just arrived as she was staying at mine to look after the cats so I was downstairs having a conversation with her when DP shouted down “they’ve cancelled it!” Basically they had an argument due to the house not being tidy and one of them got into “a mood” and cancelled the whole thing. I told DP to just give it 30 mins until it’s time to leave and they might have calmed down by then. However they never picked up the phone again.

Part of me is really annoyed at this, I would never let someone down like this. Especially over the reason that they did! However another part of me is thinking maybe the messy house thing isn’t true and something else has gone on more serious? DP is really annoyed by it and thinks it was selfish to cancel so short notice without a good reason.

What would you think if this happened to you, would you be annoyed? Or this a this an ok thing to do to people?

This would be a dream come true!!! We love when friends cancel plans. And if we were in your situation... then we could still go to dinner on our own to the same place or somewhere closer then go back home and have our drinks and snacks. Flexibility and understanding is super important in friendships. In your friend's situation, there is for sure something more than the house not being tidy. If you were a good friend, you'd be understanding and let it go instead of CHOOSING to be the victim while your friend might be going through a rough time.

Nonaynevernomore · 18/01/2025 20:35

Jaxsofit · 18/01/2025 20:33

This would be a dream come true!!! We love when friends cancel plans. And if we were in your situation... then we could still go to dinner on our own to the same place or somewhere closer then go back home and have our drinks and snacks. Flexibility and understanding is super important in friendships. In your friend's situation, there is for sure something more than the house not being tidy. If you were a good friend, you'd be understanding and let it go instead of CHOOSING to be the victim while your friend might be going through a rough time.

Show quote history

So why do you make plans with friends in the hope they’ll cancel and your dreams will come true!

You CHOOSE to be a victim of arrangements you don’t want to do!

how utterly bizarre!

Jaxsofit · 18/01/2025 20:44

Because introverts exist. We love our friends and want to spend time with them, but the anxiety can get to be too much. And if friends are fighting and you know there was some contention before you're due to show up... than that gives many of us EXTRA anxiety. So it's always awesome when they completely cancel instead of trying to push through it!

But go off trying to make introverts the villians as most people do.

Nonaynevernomore · 18/01/2025 20:48

Jaxsofit · 18/01/2025 20:44

Because introverts exist. We love our friends and want to spend time with them, but the anxiety can get to be too much. And if friends are fighting and you know there was some contention before you're due to show up... than that gives many of us EXTRA anxiety. So it's always awesome when they completely cancel instead of trying to push through it!

But go off trying to make introverts the villians as most people do.

Well don’t make arrangements with them then!! Just plain stupid to mess someone about!

The OP clearly isn’t any INTROVERT, so your comment is ridiculous!!

Crankyoldwoman · 18/01/2025 20:54

BabyBlue777 · 18/01/2025 20:07

What does DP stand for?

#BabyBlue777 - Dear Partner

Original poster
Monicageller221 · 18/01/2025 21:08

When will this thread end 😆

OP posts:
ThatRareUmberJoker · 18/01/2025 21:20

Monicageller221 · 18/01/2025 21:08

When will this thread end 😆

Until you say I am over it then it will be over. Posters will then run out of things to talk about but not until they know how your friend is and her relationship.

ADHDChick · 18/01/2025 21:33

I second this. My (abusive) ex husband used to use cancelling plans - especially if they were with my friends or if he knew I was looking forward to it - as ‘punishment’ for me after minor fights or where I hadn’t backed down on something he wanted me to do in line with his ‘rules’ (e.g. not wearing what he wanted me to wear). Not saying at all that is the case here, but it throws up a massive red flag to me about their relationship. Depends on how close you are but agree it’s something I’d be keeping an eye on.

ADHDChick · 18/01/2025 21:35

EmberAsh · 11/01/2025 09:14

I would probably be on the lookout for signs of any violence in their relationship and if you can support them going forward, just in case there is more to it than you know.

I second this. My (abusive) ex husband used to use cancelling plans - especially if they were with my friends or if he knew I was looking forward to it - as ‘punishment’ for me after minor fights or where I hadn’t backed down on something he wanted me to do in line with his ‘rules’ (e.g. not wearing what he wanted me to wear). Not saying at all that is the case here, but it throws up a massive red flag to me about their relationship. Depends on how close you are but agree it’s something I’d be keeping an eye on.

stayathomer · 18/01/2025 21:54

Would you not be worried they were possibly close to breaking up?

Cyb3rg4l · 18/01/2025 22:00

Thank God they cancelled - that would have been one very uncomfortable evening! It was super last minute though, so I get why it was annoying

SurvivorOfDV · 18/01/2025 23:00

This scenario is a classic move by a controlling (usually male) partner. I would say there's likely coercive control, a form of domestic violence in the relationship. The victim (usually the woman) will need your support as this action was designed to separate her from her support networks. If this happens again. Take the victim partner out regardless. Show the perpetrator that their behavior is unacceptable and will not work. The victim will be experiencing so much shame right now and may also try to playdown and excuse the perps behaviours - this scenario(s) has happened to me as the victim of an abusive relationship and it ruined friendships with people who were hurt by the sudden cancelation. I was progressively isolated with small children. Please stay in contact and be a strong support for friend that desperately needs you right now.

Oreyt · 18/01/2025 23:15

I was just going to say. The op hasn't been back in nearly a week why are people still commenting then I saw your reply 😂😂

IdylicDay · 19/01/2025 06:26

Monicageller221 · 18/01/2025 21:08

When will this thread end 😆

Have you heard from them at all since then, @Monicageller221 ? Are they over their fight, still together, contacted you at all?

Original poster
Monicageller221 · 19/01/2025 07:28

IdylicDay · 19/01/2025 06:26

Have you heard from them at all since then, @Monicageller221 ? Are they over their fight, still together, contacted you at all?

Show quote history

No not really, DP got a text from his friend the day after apologising so DP asked if everything is ok and he just said it’s fine. We haven’t spoken since though

OP posts:
WomenInConstruction · 19/01/2025 09:27

Hope your dp has apologised to you op. ☺️

HR517 · 19/01/2025 09:50

Sure, it’s annoying but unless it’s happened before, I’m curious to know what you would have done if you and your partner found yourself in a similar position? Would you have subjected your friends to an unpleasant evening/stay instead?

OnePeppyDenimHelper · 19/01/2025 09:52

Gettingslimmer · 11/01/2025 09:02

I’d just have went out for dinner and drinks myself. Clearly whatever happened didn’t make it suitable for you to be there and stay over.

Voice of reason

GBWiz · 19/01/2025 10:58

PurpleFlower1983 · 11/01/2025 08:58

I would assume the argument was serious and they didn’t want to socialise any longer. No point creating at atmosphere especially when others are involved. Did you and DH go out together?

No one cares about your serious arguments when you make plans with other people. You suck it up, hide your feelings and get on with it for the sake of othrs, not yourself.

Jjackiesb · 19/01/2025 11:22

Monicageller221 · 11/01/2025 09:11

I have no idea. DPs friend text him this morning apologising for ruining the evening. DP asked if everything is ok and he just said “yeah there’s just no talking to her when she’s in that mood” so basically blaming his girlfriend. Idk what’s gone on and it’s not my business so try not to judge too much. But it was still annoying

Show quote history

You should call her to see if she is ok

Original poster
Monicageller221 · 19/01/2025 11:47

Jjackiesb · 19/01/2025 11:22

You should call her to see if she is ok

Show quote history

I don’t have her number I’m not close with her at all, it would be strange if I did that. It’s DPs friend, I have only met her 3 times

OP posts:
Bloke58 · 19/01/2025 11:56

Monicageller221 · 19/01/2025 11:47

I don’t have her number I’m not close with her at all, it would be strange if I did that. It’s DPs friend, I have only met her 3 times

Show quote history

Absolutely. you've been clear on that already. If, and when, your partner finds out what was going on I'm sure he'll tell you. If not see what happens in future. No point worrying about it now.