Friends cancelled 30 mins before we were due to set off

[Monicageller221]

Had plans for last night that had been made since November. DP and I were meant to be travelling to our friends house, having a meal at a restaurant and then going back to theirs for some drinks.

It is a 45 minute drive away and they invited us to stay over so that we didn’t have to be spending money on a taxi back. The meal was already booked, and we had bought some alcohol to take with us for the evening and they also bought a bit, plus snacks.

We got all ready, bags were packed, hair done, make up done, outfit on. My sister had just arrived as she was staying at mine to look after the cats so I was downstairs having a conversation with her when DP shouted down “they’ve cancelled it!” Basically they had an argument due to the house not being tidy and one of them got into “a mood” and cancelled the whole thing. I told DP to just give it 30 mins until it’s time to leave and they might have calmed down by then. However they never picked up the phone again.

Part of me is really annoyed at this, I would never let someone down like this. Especially over the reason that they did! However another part of me is thinking maybe the messy house thing isn’t true and something else has gone on more serious? DP is really annoyed by it and thinks it was selfish to cancel so short notice without a good reason.

What would you think if this happened to you, would you be annoyed? Or this a this an ok thing to do to people?

The trigger for the argument may have started trivial and then escalated.if these friends don’t have form for this kind of thing I would not hold it against them.

@notanaskhole

I thought it was an irrelevant question too. I frequently take some AL on a Friday if I'm going somewhere fancy and want to get a blow dry after a long week. In fact, I did just that in December for our office party.

Yes but my post isn’t about that 😆 i don’t know why it would be picked up on? Why does it matter? I just didn’t think I’d have to explain myself on something that irrelevant but you have a fair point, so I’ll answer

…. I finish work at 5:30. We had to leave at 5:45. I didn’t make the plans, the girlfriend of the couple did. They texted DP “table has been booked for x time” I said ooh could it not be a bit later because I only finish at 5:30? But then I decided actually January is quiet anyway, I’ll book the afternoon off so that I can relax for a bit before we go. If my workplace allowed us to finish an hour or two earlier then I’d have just done that. But unfortunately you have to book in leave even for appointments, so you have to take half a day. I didn’t mind doing this, this it might actually be nice to have an afternoon free beforehand.

I go out all the time after work and it’s just a case of looking slightly nicer than usual during the working day so I can go out straight after - or at the very most bringing a change of clothes! Not sure why you’re baffled people are asking why you take so long? It clearly adds to why you were so annoyed about the cancellation, so it is relevant.

That's why I don't bother with people anymore.
👍

Irrelevant it takes me 15 minutes to get ready? No. I’m demonstrating how important this is to me. You’re not bothered by an untidy house. I am, just as the gf is. We’re all different. Try and see it from her pov.

Agree with others that your DPs friend sounds like a dick blaming his girlfriend for cancelling. I know you said you are not especially close friends with her but if you have her number I would personally send a message along the lines of 'hope everything is ok, shame we couldn't meet up and see you soon'. If anything more serious is going on (and I'm not saying it is) girlfriend may appreciate this reach out. Otherwise it just comes across as friendly.

I wouldn't speak to them again. No respect whatsoever

Thanks @Ummmmmmmmmmmmmm You sound just like me.

I don’t take so long to get ready!! Why are you acting as if it took me hours and hours to get ready. It didn’t. It just takes me longer than 15 minutes that’s all. It’s fine if you just go out looking slightly nicer than usual, but it’s not uncommon for people who go for fancy meals to dress for the occasion. It’s also completely fine if I want to take annual leave to relax. I didn’t take the full annual leave amount to get ready. I’ve never said I did. When the girlfriend booked the table I messaged her and said it looks like quite a fancy restaurant, is there a dress code? She said people do tend to dress smart there. So I just put on a dress with some tights and heeled boots. Put a bit of make up on and curled my hair. It takes me more than 15 minutes to do that. It took about 40 minutes, and then I wanted to see and chat to my sister for a bit. Is this really a big deal?

I had a friend try this on me on Wednesday, just a coffee round her house. I saw the WhatsApp just as I was leaving and thought NO, that's a shitty thing to do. I went anyway and text her when outside to say, Sorry just seen this, I'm here already. Turns out she had wanted to wash her hair. Some people are flaky, we had a great time and even went for lunch.

yes agreed re tidy house

but i fail to see relevance of your post that it takes you 15 mins to get ready

Really rude and flakey.
I have no time for such people.
Tell your partner see his friend on his own going forward.

You’re saying things that just aren’t true though. I never said I’m not bothered by an untidy house. I’ve literally never ever said that. I’ve actually said that I’ve been in that position many times and it has caused arguments so I know how it feels. But you’ve taken the fact that I get ready to go out to mean I don’t care about the house being untidy?

So you're saying you resent the fact that your friend wasn't psychic and didn't know, as if by magic, that you had in fact lied and that your partner had hit you? That's pretty high expectations, I've got to say.
I'm very sorry you went through that but your friend was only reacting to what you told her. I too would be fuming if a friend cancelled last minute, just because they'd "had a row". No, I'm not saying you should've been forced to tell her what did happen, course not. But I wouldn't complain about her angry reaction given what I'd told her. Otherwise I would've quickly said that something serious/important had happened, if her reaction was important to me.

To the people that are flabbergasted by the fact I would get ready to go for a fancy meal and that it would take me more than 15 minutes. I GUARANTEE you that if I made a post saying I was late for a meal with my friends you’d be asking me why I didn’t give myself enough time and that there’s no excuse. I’ve seen it on other threads before.

however it has absolutely no relevance to what the post is about so can we move on from it now?

I've had friends cancel plans on the day because they'd had a blazing row twice. It happens. Neither of those relationships lasted, thankfully.

It's not uncommon for couples to snap at each other on the day of hosting or going out just because logistics and wanting everything to be just right make everyone a bit more stressed, DP and I have certainly done that, but 99% of the time you just grit your teeth and get over yourself because you don't want to let your friends down. But if it tips over into an actual screaming match there isn't much coming back from that.

I hope OP and her husband still had a nice meal in the same restaurant that had been booked, so that place wasn't out of pocket.

The girlfriend might have been the dick in the first place. We've got no information there.

An annoyance maybe but respectfully hashtag first world problems. People are losing homes in LA and at war in Ukraine. In the grand scale of things count yourself lucky if a lost evening out is the worst of your problems.

It does have relevance because I would never assume I’d be wasting half a day of someone’s annual leave that they’d booked purely because I’d invited them to dinner. If I knew it was that big a deal to a friend then I’d probably have tried harder to salvage the night.

It's not embarrassing at all, unless you barely know them.

Your thread has taken a very bizarre turn 🤣🤣

I wasn’t wasting it though. I could’ve asked them to move the dinner to later but I didn’t want to. I wasn’t forced to take AL, I wanted to take it. I often do just book afternoons off here and there to finish earlier. I get a lot of AL so I don’t see it as a problem, which is why I didn’t mention it in my original post because it’s not an inconvenience to me, I honestly don’t mind that I took it and don’t regret it. I don’t go on holidays really, so my AL is usually just used to chill out or if I’ve got something on etc. it’s ok if that seems a waste to you, but everyone uses their AL differently and it’s ok

Better close down this entire forum then, because it's nothing but first world problems.

YABU - far better that they cancelled than you spent money on a fancy restaurant for long evening with a couple who are arguing or sulking at each other.

You had a nice night with your partner so it all worked out just fine.