They showed up announced?!

[Snowedon]

Heavily pregnant. Missed a midwife appointment a couple of days ago that has been re-booked (just a standard check up at GP) and was meant to start home testing for GD but have been ill with what we think was COVID since Christmas. Been utterly wiped out but tried to do some readings. Failed miserably, communicated all this to the team at the hospital.

I was in bed feeling ill, trying to rest when the door went. It was two midwives. A household member let in confused. I was equally as perplexed since nothing was booked nor mentioned to me. Basically I felt the whole time they were condescending and rude. They spoke to me like a little child telling me off, reminding me of the danger I'm putting my unborn child under, and to remind me and household members to do a "better job of taking care of me". The appointment missed was genuinely the first time I've done something like that and it simply went under my radar since I'm under 4 different teams for different things and appointments are becoming confusing and overwhelming with cancellations and changes. I explained that I had already spoken to the hospital about my troubles with my testing to which they demanded I showed them my phone for "proof". I tried to explain how ill I've been and they belittled it by saying "yes a COLD is going around at the moment" and then kept referring to it as a cold.

Surely they can't do this and need permission first before showing up announced. I would never put my child in harms way, but regardless am I wrong for thinking it's my body and I have a right to not show up/decline things when I want (not saying I am) but regardless. That then doesn't give them the green light to come to my home and bully me surely? I maybe overly sensitive to all of this since I've been ill for 3 long weeks now, really pregnant, but I do feel like as I'm quite young that I've had a major history of being not taken seriously and treated in a patronising manner during this pregnancy. This isn't my first and I know what I am doing. I'm listening and taking things onboard, I am trying. But my god I am getting fed up of this treatment by everyone and it's racking my confidence going forward for birth.

YANBU.

Has somebody in the household been in trouble that could make them considered a risk? The fact that two turned up together makes me wonder if you’ve been put on a lone worker list (assuming neither were a student in which case that would explain their presence)?

@nellythe no. They said they were out doing rounds and then going back to the hospital for the afternoon. I assume someone had flagged me and told them to try and come over

As long as you are in good communication with your health care providers, then to be honest if they came around again I do not think you should let them in.
If they protest I would say to their face that they really upset you last time by being so rude.

I do wish household member didn't let them in but I think they were just caught off guard and assumed it was something I knew about. Going ahead I will tell everyone not to let anyone in or say I'm not home.

Ignore them. Instruct your household members not to let them in next time if you're not expecting them. Some MW and HVs can be quite overbearing. It's the last thing you need to deal with when you are trying to rest.

As long as you know where to go if you need help or advice and the timescales when certain tests need to be done, you'l be fine.

YABU. Better to have checked on you and find you're ok than otherwise.

I would rethink your attitude and consider that these are professionals responsible for your care and the safety of your unborn child. It sounds like you have a lot going on health-wise so I’d try to work with the midwives and health services.

I understand that you are annoyed and frustrated but trying to ghost healthcare providers and lying to them is both immature and irresponsible.
Make a complaint if you want to about their behavior.

YABU

I would rather a system with checks like this in place than not. It's for the safety of everyone. They're just doing their jobs.

You missed an appointment and you’re not monitoring your blood sugar levels. Of course that’s a red flag.

They did their job and made sure you and baby are ok. YABU.

You are under four different teams are supposed to be testing for GD which you haven't managed. You're getting confused by different appointments. I can understand their concerns.

Who else is in the household besides you? Can one of them do your testing if you can't manage it. Don't minimise GD. to them.

Get a diary to cover the four teams and their appointments, requests.

You're drowning here because you've been so poorly. Let someone else in your home take charge .

TBH if I was heavily pregnant and had been ill for a few weeks I'd be thankful that they did check on me. There attitude towards you sounds uncalled for though

How young op, was it a parent or sibling who let them in? What are the four teams you are under? I just wonder if there is more to this.

tney are clearly concerned, but that doesn’t advocate bullying, if that is what occurred.

I wouldn't be happy with anyone demanding to see my phone (maybe the police if I was under arrest).
They should have been showing concern and seeing what they could do to support you, not treating you like a suspect. Will you have to have dealings with them going forward? In your shoes I might put in a complaint about them, and ask to be seen by someone else.

trying to ghost healthcare providers and lying to them is both immature and irresponsible

100% agree. We don't have all the facts but assume you must be high risk as I can't ever imagine MW turning up unless it's been decided there are concerns.

Speak to your GP and ask what are the triggers for a home visit as they are extremely rare

However I feel for professionals as they are lambasted if don't safeguard babies and children yet when they do they are met with hostility. I don't think they havd done anything wrong. I wonder if medical professionals will need bodycams in future to prove their side of an interaction.

Health professionals really can't win. How many times have agencies been criticised for not doing enough, not chasing up, not joining up dots etc when families are struggling or in abuse/neglect cases. Here they are being thorough, they don't know you and don't know whether you might need support. You may not have liked them as people, but they were doing their job.

They have a responsibility to the unborn baby and if they think the baby's safety can be compromised, then yes they are expected to come round.
I understand that you say you would never put you or the baby at risk, but they can't assume that and take your word for it.

@WorstBJever I didn't feel like I was offered support. Just a lot of condescending remarks and a slap on the wrist.

@snowflakelake sorry where the hell did you get from my op that Ive lied and ghosted them?! The ONE missed routine appointment was a genuine mistake, I would of been too ill to attend anyways. The lies?? Where is that exactly. I don't recall lying to anyone

It's her job we should be pleased that they are making sure noone is going under the radar. They don't know that you wouldn't put your baby at risk .
I have read a simple post about someone complaining about a health visitor calling. Professionals who deal with children can't win. They are critisised for checking on their clients and critisised when things go wrong when they haven't checked.

If you felt they were condescending etc, surely you challenged that there and then?

Thing is, you know you are ok. They don’t. You could be being coercively controlled, or lying in a diabetic coma.

Until they check, they don’t know. Of course you were fine and irritated so they were defensive.

There maybe something in the notes of a previous pregnancy that will have been noted for this pregnancy. They had my pregnancy notes going back 20 years.

Just be happy that you are having medical professionals looking out for your unborn baby. Better too much checking than not enough.

OP I'm saying moving forward lying and ghosting them wouldn't be sensible,
Going ahead I will tell everyone not to let anyone in or say I'm not home.
If you have an issue with the way you have been treated then raise it but avoiding them and getting your family to lie about where you are isn't mature behavior.