They showed up announced?!

[Snowedon]

Heavily pregnant. Missed a midwife appointment a couple of days ago that has been re-booked (just a standard check up at GP) and was meant to start home testing for GD but have been ill with what we think was COVID since Christmas. Been utterly wiped out but tried to do some readings. Failed miserably, communicated all this to the team at the hospital.

I was in bed feeling ill, trying to rest when the door went. It was two midwives. A household member let in confused. I was equally as perplexed since nothing was booked nor mentioned to me. Basically I felt the whole time they were condescending and rude. They spoke to me like a little child telling me off, reminding me of the danger I'm putting my unborn child under, and to remind me and household members to do a "better job of taking care of me". The appointment missed was genuinely the first time I've done something like that and it simply went under my radar since I'm under 4 different teams for different things and appointments are becoming confusing and overwhelming with cancellations and changes. I explained that I had already spoken to the hospital about my troubles with my testing to which they demanded I showed them my phone for "proof". I tried to explain how ill I've been and they belittled it by saying "yes a COLD is going around at the moment" and then kept referring to it as a cold.

Surely they can't do this and need permission first before showing up announced. I would never put my child in harms way, but regardless am I wrong for thinking it's my body and I have a right to not show up/decline things when I want (not saying I am) but regardless. That then doesn't give them the green light to come to my home and bully me surely? I maybe overly sensitive to all of this since I've been ill for 3 long weeks now, really pregnant, but I do feel like as I'm quite young that I've had a major history of being not taken seriously and treated in a patronising manner during this pregnancy. This isn't my first and I know what I am doing. I'm listening and taking things onboard, I am trying. But my god I am getting fed up of this treatment by everyone and it's racking my confidence going forward for birth.

But they don't know that you're normally a responsible person who has been ill rather than someone who is ignoring the risk GD presents or someone who is in an abusive relationship, recently beaten up and was prevented from attending a medical appointment by their partner due to visible bruising.
If you had communicated with the surgery - or asked one of your family members to do so - this wouldn't have happened.
I would have been grateful that someone in such an overworked profession has taken the time to come & check on me. I also might have been embarassed that they had wasted their time and so been defensive, and then posted such a critical post on MN

OP may I ask how old you are? You mentioned you are young - it may be your age that means they are ultra concerned about you even though it isn't your first pregnancy

I'm sorry if this sounds patronising as well, but in what way are you struggling to take your blood sugar readings? As in, have you not done any due to being ill and not feeling up to it? Or are you unsure how to do it? Struggle with pricking yourself? Did they offer any support with showing you how to do it, or teaching your family member how to do it if you're not able to do it yourself?

Christmas was two weeks ago, I can understand why they wanted to check on you if you've not managed to take any readings at all since then. As far as I understand, you can often not have any noticeable symptoms with GD, but it can cause serious problems for you and the baby, and the midwives need to be monitoring your blood sugar levels to assess your treatment and adjust it if necessary. Being ill can also cause your blood sugar levels to rise because of the stress on your body, so especially important to monitor them if you're poorly.

I would love to know more about the background story.

No way in hell would 2 midwives turn up to a house following a missed appointment where I am . I mean it would be great, but it's just not possible.

just a standard check up at GP does not bring a home visit from 2 midiwives.

You might be in a country with a much better medical care (and lucky you, no irony) or you are missing out a lot of details!

I would be upset if that happened to me

i can also understand rationally why they followed up. Even if you are ill, many pregnant women are going to have a supportive partner who is able to serve as backup for tracking appts and doing things like GD testing. If these things fell by the wayside, then you must be going through this pregnancy without good support at home. That is a concern for a medical provider.

Health professionals could certainly have “won” in this situation. Even if OP missing one appointment and rearranging it was something they needed to be concerned about enough to show up at her home unannounced, if they had been polite, not condescending, and reacted appropriately to OP’s responses instead of demanding proof she wasn’t lying to them, I doubt OP would be on here criticising them.

I was absolutely shocked at the way some HCPs seemed to think it was appropriate to talk to me when I was pregnant and had young children. I asked several of them to start again and one to leave my home due totally inappropriate attitudes.

They're not at fault for checking up on you.
They ARE at fault for speaking to you that way.

Two midwives, my guess only one and a student midwife.

They are not wrong for checking on you.
But very wrong for speaking to you that way. You should make a complaint.

@Hibernatingtilspring there is no need to assume the worst. I've not done anything to raise eyebrows. I've been to all my appointments so far, minus the one I've missed. I've been in communication via email. I've contacted them if I ever had concerns regarding baby.

I came to ask the same questions and make the same point. Uncontrolled GD can lead to serious illness and sadly even stillbirth. In my experience it is much harder to manage blood sugar when you're ill or stressed, @Snowedon not showing up to an appointment probably raised a red flag.

Please engage with the healthcare professionals OP and please take your GD seriously.

How young are you? Do you live with parents, hence the HPs putting the onus on "household members" to look after you? Because that's a very weird thing to say if not.

I’m in two minds. GD can be very dangerous so it was important to check you were OK. I’m quite impressed that they went to the trouble of a home visit.

Equally, though, they shouldn’t have been condescending or rude. Perhaps you felt it as ruder than it was because you were taken unawares? But obviously no excuse for rudeness.

YANBU at all OP.
Next time I’d tell them you are not well with a virus , they are disturbing your rest, and you will be in touch when you are feeling better.

You are a person not a baby incubator; an adult and fully able to make decisions and take responsibility for your own health,

@Ponderingwindow my partner did try and also failed to get enough blood for readings. Some people don't have partners though so surely that's besides the point

OP are you a young mum? I was pregnant when I was 19 & the midwives were very rude to me more than once. I do think it was related to my age. I would never stand for it now.

What are you on about.
Absolutely no need to show up unannounced. If they were concerned about OP they could have given her a call and offered her a home visit.

@Lostcat that's really and truly how I was made to feel. Like I'm an incubator. One of the midwives asked me about an ongoing issue I had regarding my health and when I tried to tell her about it she was very blatantly not listening and then proceeded to talk over me and change the subject. That's when I realised that they weren't here for my health or wellbeing but here to make a point and tell me off

There's a knack to it - make sure you've drank loads of water, make sure your hands are warm and try pricking the side of your finger pads rather than the tip, then squeeze it fast. A lot of us struggled to get this right at first but you do have to keep trying.

@backawayfatty1 I'm in my late 20's. But I look really young and I find this always impacts how people treat/see me whether it's work, healthcare or parenting.

They have a duty of care. They believed you'd gone off the radar for 3 weeks. It seems like different departments don't talk to each other. This is an issue but at least they made the call. However, rudeness not required!

@LolaJ87 I am attending my appointments, I forgot ONE.

I am taking my GD seriously. I've been seriously unwell and struggled to get readings.

No one said I'm not doing it or deliberately missing appointments.

Well they're taking it seriously too and have saved you the effort of a trip to them.
I'd have quite liked to say "no, bloody come here" to the midwife rather than dragging out - although it was because it was too hot rather than icy rubbish weather.

I didn't disappear off the scene entirely for 3 weeks. I told them that I was unwell in an email and explained the troubles I was having. Clearly that wasn't communicated to the midwives that showed up as they asked to see the email exchanges

Isn't the phrase 'show up UNannounced'?

That's besides the point. They have a duty of care. Imagine they didn't check on you and you were found dead or something.