They showed up announced?!

[Snowedon]

Heavily pregnant. Missed a midwife appointment a couple of days ago that has been re-booked (just a standard check up at GP) and was meant to start home testing for GD but have been ill with what we think was COVID since Christmas. Been utterly wiped out but tried to do some readings. Failed miserably, communicated all this to the team at the hospital.

I was in bed feeling ill, trying to rest when the door went. It was two midwives. A household member let in confused. I was equally as perplexed since nothing was booked nor mentioned to me. Basically I felt the whole time they were condescending and rude. They spoke to me like a little child telling me off, reminding me of the danger I'm putting my unborn child under, and to remind me and household members to do a "better job of taking care of me". The appointment missed was genuinely the first time I've done something like that and it simply went under my radar since I'm under 4 different teams for different things and appointments are becoming confusing and overwhelming with cancellations and changes. I explained that I had already spoken to the hospital about my troubles with my testing to which they demanded I showed them my phone for "proof". I tried to explain how ill I've been and they belittled it by saying "yes a COLD is going around at the moment" and then kept referring to it as a cold.

Surely they can't do this and need permission first before showing up announced. I would never put my child in harms way, but regardless am I wrong for thinking it's my body and I have a right to not show up/decline things when I want (not saying I am) but regardless. That then doesn't give them the green light to come to my home and bully me surely? I maybe overly sensitive to all of this since I've been ill for 3 long weeks now, really pregnant, but I do feel like as I'm quite young that I've had a major history of being not taken seriously and treated in a patronising manner during this pregnancy. This isn't my first and I know what I am doing. I'm listening and taking things onboard, I am trying. But my god I am getting fed up of this treatment by everyone and it's racking my confidence going forward for birth.

I suspect they did have your best interests at heart, but bloody hell people can be condescending too, it drives me crazy sometimes. You meet them in all walks of life, NHS etc. Sometimes we are able to challenge this and sometimes not (no time, or we’re too shocked to confront and draw a boundary, or we just let it slide). It often leaves me fuming regardless of whether I challenged the condescension or not.

@Commonsense22 I'm sorry to hear that. It is very frustrating, particularly when I feel like I'm being judged for excuse making when its a genuine problem. I've tried all the tips and tricks, massage hands, warm water, milk finger, make sure not to move lancet too quickly, press hard with the pen, give drop of blood time to form before squeezing, using side and pad of finger, trying different sites. And nothing! Dp just tried again and it literally sliced my finger. Afterwards had a massive meltdown on him because I'm feeling so much pressure and it just doesn't seem to be working for me

The most annoying part is i don't feel that I can tell this to the midwives, since they didn't listen today and clearly though I was being dishonest about it. Instead of offering support or advice on what to do they've just left me in the same state. Did you have any luck in the end?

Also to confirm - have not been diagnosed with GD. It's been suspected because of baby being slightly above average on my 20 week growth scan. The test is being done to see if I have it. I can't do gtt because of fasting and suffering with severe reflux/sickness during half my pregnancy. The "morning" sickness was so bad I couldn't drink water. That has fortunately calmed down now however the reflux is still bad as it was something I had before pregnancy and has been amplified by it.

You possibly have GD and havnt monitored for 3 weeks - not surprised mw turned up.

@Hankunamatata for the god knows how many times. It's not the fact that they showed up uninvited or pre arranged that is necessarily even the problem here, but the fact I felt disrespected and undermined in my own home. Had they came with caring intentions I don't think I would of felt this strongly about it. Instead it felt like an integration and telling off.

OP with regards to trying to get blood for the testing can I recommend keeping your hands really warm beforehand. Either sit on them, have them on a hot water bottle or hold a cup of tea etc, even wear gloves. Sounds silly but it’s so chilly at the moment & even in general it will help the blood to flow better. Good luck with the testing, I hope it gets easier. If not you could possibly ask if they’d consider a monitor instead!

Have you tried other parts of the hand? The side of the hand or thumb pad (do I mean thumb pad? I mean the palm just below the thumb but can't think what to call it) might provide a better sample. I expect the side would sting if you used it for months, but for a few readings just to get an idea of whether you have spiking sugars, it might not be so bad.

I'm sorry you've had a rough experience today. I hate being talked down to!

Can your DP/relative/friend get a nurse at your surgery to do it. I have awful veins those nurses I swear could get blood out of a stone. I presume it's your DP the midwife lectured. Well partners do need a kick up the backside sometimes.

General care like food, fluids, changing bedding, washing, tidying, hoovering. She may have clocked something you haven't noticed being so ill. A midwife once told me that they do observe things.

These midwives will have seen stuff that would break your heart; most registered clinicians have and do, on an all too regular basis.
None of them are in the job because it gives them 'authority' either (you're getting your emergency services mixed up. A not uncommon phenomenon tbf, as any fire fighter who has worked bonfire night would attest).
Your talk of institutionalised punishment is beyond bullshit; fuck knows how an impression like that is even formed.

Free choice only has meaning if people are free to make choices that others consider bizarre. There would be little point in OP bringing up free choice if she was just going along with what other people want of her. And there would be no point at all in consent being a central tenet of health care ethics if people weren’t free to make choices that did not align with their HCP’s idea of what is best for them.

The midwives could have given OP information about the consequences of not getting tested without coming across as rude. It is perfectly possible to educate people without being condescending if you accept that it is up to them how they act on the information you give them. But nothing OP has said suggests they gave her any information she didn’t already know, so that’s a bit of a shot in the dark on your part anyway.

I also am in a service provider job (legal aid) where I come into contact with very vulnerable, often very upset, and defensive people. They are often angry with me (or appear so)- the person trying to help them. Their anger can get in the way of my assistance.

Being patronising and suspicious is no way to build trust and rapport- which are essential for good service provision.

Service providers in public health who treat people in the way described by OP are acting unprofessionally and are ultimately damaging the relationship between vulnerable mums and the medical system.

You said "That you're angry and talking about refusing them entry is utterly bizarre, and if anything it'll (correctly imo) ramp up scrutiny."

Someone being increasingly scrutinised (or threatened with such) because they're naturally upset and frustrated at their poor treatment in their own home at the hands of service providers is punitive and unfair.

When you prick your finger, do you add a little pressure and squeeze to get the blood out?

They have a duty of care to both you but also your baby.

You didn't show up and you've not been taking your blood sugar readings - which in all honesty isn't difficult even if you've got Covid - there's really no excuse. GD is a serious condition not just for you but also your unborn child.

If you've had this attitude before then they're right to be concerned. Also if you're under 4 teams as well as having GD then I'm assuming you're quite high risk.

It's not. Maybe once if twice but not for weeks, Christmas was weeks ago - it's not difficult to take readings

You should not have been disrespected but I assume they got frustrated with your casual attitude. You can't go 3 weeks without a blood test in your circumstances. Being ill can also make it worse. Your posts state that you were annoyed at them simply for turning up and that's a concern. You even suggested you'd not let them in if they come again that's why posters are being a bit harsh. You don't need to do anything you don't want to but surely you want to minimise risk to yourself and your baby? You should bite your tongue and ask for more support for your blood tests, or you could end up in hospital to monitor it. Try doing it after a bath or shower. I hope you feel better soon and the rest of your pregnancy and your labour goes well.

I've done finger pricks for GD and it does slice your finger sometimes. The lancet is supposed to cut pretty deeply.

Avoid the middle of your finger pad and parts too close to the nail.

If you're feeling overwhelmed, please talk to your HCPs about it. There may be someone among the four teams who is approachable.

Can I ask which is more important her feelings or her babies life because that’s what it comes down too. I have seen diabetic women not caring for their condition ending up on the at risk register of their unborn. She isn’t some young girl she is in her late 20’s I am sure they have tried to ring her before turning up to check on her why wouldn’t she answered the phone or rung them. Usually community midwife gives her work mobile to patients.

Why on earth do you think midwives have to be nasty to provide a life saving service? In what way has OP‘s experience shown the validity of their actions? She isn’t any “safer”. Nothing at all has changed for the better because of their visit and several things have changed for the worse - she is more stressed, more tired and trusts her HCPs less. All of which are negatively associated with good birth outcomes.

Utterly rubbish. Some of those kits don't work and it depends on the person.
I remember crying my eyes out with my husband as we worked through a whole pack of needles and didn't get one reading. I was in agony as you're more sensitive when unwell.

Plus the OP had already reached out for help. And when you're followed by multiple services appointments are sheer chaos.
There is NEVER an excuse for health care providers to be patronising. They are the silent killers.

You don’t know nothing has changed, you only have the other persons say so events have happened as she says so. She might have been hostile from the get go. They may not have been nasty at all. Wouldn’t it be nice to get the other side of this story but that is not allowed they have no defence because they are not allowed to speak & rightly so. Think non treatment of medical conditions also if not more so have a negative outcome on good birth outcomes I am sure you would agree. No one goes into the job wanting to cause distress they go into the job to help but at times patients can be frustrating when plans are made & not kept & contact is not made. The job is hard enough working within a system not working. Fear is an emotion that is felt by lots of professionals because they see the outcomes that you don’t.

I had serve reflux and sickness and manage the GTT - my Dad was insulin diabetic though and this I was higher risk than you appear - very unpleasant experience but necessary in my case.

Having said that knew a mother who'd never had in her 4 pg but fifth she did develop GD - though next pg she was fine - but it could be an issue for you they clearly want to rule out now it's been raised by one scan. I get impress you think it all nonsenses and there's no risk of GD while HCP team have to be more concerned because it's been raised as a risk but not ruled out.

Can you talk to other HCP - even GP - I know finger pricks can be nasty - Dad always used to pay a lot of machine that did that and later monitor - maybe they can offer something.

I think you may be thinking had previous pg they were all fine - but obviously team see cases where later pg do go wrong and want to avoid that for you.

@Snowedon - as I said yesterday, you can get a free trial of both a dexcom sensor and a Free Style Libre one, by filling in forms online - and they are much easier than pricking your fingers.

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius thanks for the suggestion. I'll run it past my diabetic team and see if they'll accept it. I suspect they may say it will take too long to get here but it's worth a try!

I didn’t say nothing had changed. I listed several things that had changed for the worse. Which you have ignored. The lack of trust in particular is corrosive not just for OPs current pregnancy but for all her future health contacts. This isn’t a harmless impact where no one needs to be concerned because they think OP is unreasonable anyway.

Having the best of intentions when you join a profession is irrelevant if your actions result in harm. And while I suspect the system has a lot to answer for you just need to look at a few of the reports into our failing maternity services to see that unprofessional behaviour and abysmal attitudes towards patients is rife within midwifery.