They showed up announced?!

[Snowedon]

Heavily pregnant. Missed a midwife appointment a couple of days ago that has been re-booked (just a standard check up at GP) and was meant to start home testing for GD but have been ill with what we think was COVID since Christmas. Been utterly wiped out but tried to do some readings. Failed miserably, communicated all this to the team at the hospital.

I was in bed feeling ill, trying to rest when the door went. It was two midwives. A household member let in confused. I was equally as perplexed since nothing was booked nor mentioned to me. Basically I felt the whole time they were condescending and rude. They spoke to me like a little child telling me off, reminding me of the danger I'm putting my unborn child under, and to remind me and household members to do a "better job of taking care of me". The appointment missed was genuinely the first time I've done something like that and it simply went under my radar since I'm under 4 different teams for different things and appointments are becoming confusing and overwhelming with cancellations and changes. I explained that I had already spoken to the hospital about my troubles with my testing to which they demanded I showed them my phone for "proof". I tried to explain how ill I've been and they belittled it by saying "yes a COLD is going around at the moment" and then kept referring to it as a cold.

Surely they can't do this and need permission first before showing up announced. I would never put my child in harms way, but regardless am I wrong for thinking it's my body and I have a right to not show up/decline things when I want (not saying I am) but regardless. That then doesn't give them the green light to come to my home and bully me surely? I maybe overly sensitive to all of this since I've been ill for 3 long weeks now, really pregnant, but I do feel like as I'm quite young that I've had a major history of being not taken seriously and treated in a patronising manner during this pregnancy. This isn't my first and I know what I am doing. I'm listening and taking things onboard, I am trying. But my god I am getting fed up of this treatment by everyone and it's racking my confidence going forward for birth.

Some people don't bleed easily my son is one of them thank goodness it was decided he didn't have issues in the end because the relentless hydrate warm up the hands stab and SQUEEZE was awful you can't even get blood for a blood test from him when he falls over there is rarely blood the only time he bleeds is from his nose then it's a fountain

Do you understand about the risks of unmanaged gestational diabetes, especially in late pregnancy @Snowedon ?

to be under the care of several departments indicates there are even more concerns, but just to start there…

Really? When they spoke to her like a child and demanded to check her phone and read her emails?? Jesus, you're just the type to bend over on command, aren't you? Totally brainwashed into thinking women should be grateful for shoddy awful maternity care.

Its not great at all. They turned up unannounced. Thats intrusive.

Usually on MN no one likes guests/MIL/grandparents etc without prior arrangements so why is it ok for MW to turn up without an appointment.

I don't know if anyone has already said this but you can just buy lancets if necessary, either online or at pharmacies, they're not expensive. Hope this is helpful to you OP.

If you're requiring input from 4 different teams for your pregnancy, have uncontrolled GD and missed an appointment, I can see why people would be concerned and want to check you're ok. What's the actual issue with testing your sugars?

But this is not “shoddy maternity care”. This is a team - who are probably overstretched and overworked, and have done extra shifts over the holiday period - but are concerned enough to make a home visit to someone who (despite their advanced age) is acting like a sulky teen who doesn’t understand the importance of the blood checks she has been asked to do but hasn’t, and is threatening to pretend not to be at home to health professionals concerned for her health, and the health of her baby.

I don't think you are at all unreasonable.
If they had come and spoken to you in a supportive manner and to check how you are that would be one thing, but they clearly did not do that. Asking to check your phone is outrageous.

@Anywherebuthere
Not usually. Some people are odd about unannounced knocks on doors. Many of us though don't have a problem with engaging with people without prior appointment.

YANBU. Same thing happened to me (it was over a decade ago, so not recently) I was pregnant with my son at 19 and had him when I was 20 and was spoken to like crap from my first ever 12 wk scan. I was constantly belittled and undermined by the midwives and at times bullied. It's probably because of your age. Don't let them do it to you, I wish I had stood up for myself now. Even when I was in labour they were rude and after on the ward too. They have no right turning up to your house and if they really were "concerned" they would've spoken to you with a little more empathy. Sorry you are going through this and I hope it doesn't happen again x

Don't take it personally. I was really poorly in my pregnancy, I was discharged from hospital under the midwife care and they sent me straight back into hospital. They said they can't take responsibility of a serious condition and were annoyed the doctors left them to deal with what was beyond their workload and ability in the community. My guess is, if anything happened to you they will get the blame, so probably terrified.
A missed appointment and forgetting I guess could indicate worsening blood sugars? So probably panicked so did a home check incase you were on the floor or something 😅 you can't be too careful. You can decline rapidly.

So I don't think it was at you or intended how they came across. Probably a mix of worry then relief you were OK. As for two of them, they might of thought you needed immediate treatment and that would take two people (moving, lifting etc)

Also edit to add, do you have a complex needs type midwife with your condition? Be honest and say how they made you feel. They are great with liaising with all the midwifes and professionals for you.

Covid rates are very low this year as far as seasonal risks go, its been massively over taken by Flu for the first time in years. How do you know its 'covid' you have?

Flu in pregnancy can be fatal, I very nearly died from it and ended up with a preemie.

Covid itself can be fatal too, millions died and if its lasted weeks thats not a good sign.

Diabetes and imbalances like anemia etc... that occur in pregnancy can also cause the sickly feeling and fatigue you describe.

You seem to be very blase of all these risks. Like you just assumed its one thing and thats that.

I was just waiting for the "well maybe YOU came across this way and that's why you received that treatment" posts.

No I came off in no such manner. I said hi with them, was communicative, I was cooperative and perfectly pleasant

As another pp said, I wish I had stood up for myself in the moment and called out the belittling. Unfortunately I have a tendency to not have a back bone and apparently that applies in my own home, which is a worse blow.

They may be overworked. But it is shoddy and it's not caring or supportive care.
Their communication system obviously meant they aren't aware of all communication.
The OP missed one appointment and if I have understood had already been in touch about the appointment - it's not like she has disappeared.
She hasn't refused to do the blood test but had been having genuine issues with it which she had already been in touch about.
They haven't listened to her and probably just went to tick some box on a system because she missed an appointment without any real thinking like has she been in touch to explain, would it be less intrusive to make a quick phone call?

Also a grown adult has the right if she wants to not to do any test or attend an appointment, but that's not what has happened in this case.

@Snowedon is there a reason you're still giving out about the midwives attitudes than replying to anyone giving you advice on your GD or checking your sugars? You don't seem to be taking any responsibility over neglecting a very serious pregnancy condition.

What are the four teams you are under?

I can see that. The op,says she late 20s though, in my experience when people write family member opened the door they are trying ro hide they live with their parents, and the family member being told to care for her, again, I suspect a parent and this is a very young woman for some reason proclaiming to be older, wants to be treated older and is resenting the authorititive way the midwives behaved and who felt she had been making excuses not to turn up. Which in itself is often teenage behaviour. Like she’s been caught and got into trouble.

im not sure the op is telling the full story here.

'Basically I felt the whole time they were condescending and rude. '

Then you should have asked them to leave!

It's your home and you don't have to tolerate rudeness in any shape or form.

I would have turned them away saying it's not ok to cold call and you've been unwell and will give them a call to make any necessary appointments.

@RedOrangeSky this is what is confusing to me. We have free will and rights in this country don't we? And yes, I missed one appointment that had been re booked so the bringing it up in an accusing tone is not necessary given it's already sorted. In regards to GD I know how important it is, people are acting like I'm not going to do it at all. I'm not making excuses. I'm genuinely too ill to go and pick up the lancets ATM which again I tried to express but they wouldn't listen.

They don’t need permission to call round.

your family member let them in.

however demanding to see your phone and speaking to you the way they did is out of order.

you should put in a complaint

The term can't do right for doing wrong" springs to mind

GD is dangerous to both you and your baby. If they hadn't have checked on you and something happened you'd be going off on one

@Gettingslimmer the mental gymnastics you just did over one term I used to reach your conclusion is outstanding!

I'm in my late twenties. The people I live with aren't my family. Believe what you want.

I would complain about this as showing up at your home unannounced is not on (unless they had tried repeatedly to call you and you didn't answer for whatever reason in which case maybe they were justifiably worried). I failed to show up to several of my appointments during my pregnancies as they kept getting rescheduled without anyone checking with me. I told them repeatedly that they cannot do that, due to my job I can only make specific times and when I called to reschedule their rescheduled appointments no one picked up the phone or answered emails, ever, so I just gave up. I also remember getting a call after I missed two days GD testing and I explained to them it was because I was violently ill with norovirus those two days and not actually eating anything and they gave me a lecture about how important it was to test 4 times a day without fail. Totally patronising and I just hung up on them.

I didn’t say OP refused to do the blood tests. but the fact that she hadn’t done them seems to suggest that she doesn’t understand why she had been asked to do them, so if that is down to “poor communication” then fair enough,but I would hope that anyone with access to the internet , and who has already had one pregnancy would be very well aware of the dangers of GD and would have made more effort to get them done. They are simple tests, readily available and can be done even if you are resting in bed. So just do them.