They showed up announced?!

[Snowedon]

Heavily pregnant. Missed a midwife appointment a couple of days ago that has been re-booked (just a standard check up at GP) and was meant to start home testing for GD but have been ill with what we think was COVID since Christmas. Been utterly wiped out but tried to do some readings. Failed miserably, communicated all this to the team at the hospital.

I was in bed feeling ill, trying to rest when the door went. It was two midwives. A household member let in confused. I was equally as perplexed since nothing was booked nor mentioned to me. Basically I felt the whole time they were condescending and rude. They spoke to me like a little child telling me off, reminding me of the danger I'm putting my unborn child under, and to remind me and household members to do a "better job of taking care of me". The appointment missed was genuinely the first time I've done something like that and it simply went under my radar since I'm under 4 different teams for different things and appointments are becoming confusing and overwhelming with cancellations and changes. I explained that I had already spoken to the hospital about my troubles with my testing to which they demanded I showed them my phone for "proof". I tried to explain how ill I've been and they belittled it by saying "yes a COLD is going around at the moment" and then kept referring to it as a cold.

Surely they can't do this and need permission first before showing up announced. I would never put my child in harms way, but regardless am I wrong for thinking it's my body and I have a right to not show up/decline things when I want (not saying I am) but regardless. That then doesn't give them the green light to come to my home and bully me surely? I maybe overly sensitive to all of this since I've been ill for 3 long weeks now, really pregnant, but I do feel like as I'm quite young that I've had a major history of being not taken seriously and treated in a patronising manner during this pregnancy. This isn't my first and I know what I am doing. I'm listening and taking things onboard, I am trying. But my god I am getting fed up of this treatment by everyone and it's racking my confidence going forward for birth.

You can't really opt out of dealing with gestational diabetes, it's extremely serious and can have very negative outcomes for the baby if not properly managed. Being ill is only going to make your glucose control worse, so theres even more need to monitor in those circumstances. Its a very easy test, rheres really no reason no to manage it. It sounds to me like they think you're not taking it seriously enough, which I'd agree with.

I think that the midwives turning up is not the problem - you emailed them to say you were unwell and you are at risk of GD and not getting readings. They have no idea if that email was actually sent by you, was sent under coercion, if you're in your righ tmind or even if the reason you're so unwell is because of hugely uncontrolled diabetes. I think it's pretty impressive that they did and the fact that you are not getting readings is a huge concern.

However, it sounds like they were not helpful and kind or understanding and that IS a problem and, having experienced the same (dismissive, patronising comments about my GD... the week after my mother had died so not exactly easy to keep sugar under control).

This.
They have a duty of care to you and your unborn baby. Gestational diabetes can be very serious if not monitored correctly.
Had no one bothered and matters took a turn for the worst you would probably blame someone for neglect like so many others do

What a great service, turning up at your door. Proactive and preventative care. I think you should be very happy that they checked up on you and your baby.

And what is her attitude precisely????

When and how the UK became such a country where people are treated like brainless shit in their own homes

OP why can't you do the blood testing? The first time is tough but you've just got to get on with it. TBH the fact that you are failing to test your blood for the safety of the baby is very concerning.

I've had GD, it's shit it really is. Pricking your insulin finger regularly, obsessing over everything you eat, injecting insulin. But you need to do it for the safety of your baby.

you said you were feeling overwhelmed and couldn’t manage all the appointments et cetera so they’re saying the adults in your household Should be looking after you better. It’s absolutely right when one member is unwell the rest need to step up and they didn’t did they?

Christmas was over a fortnight ago. It astounds me that you wouldn't be asking them for home visits, and for help with your readings (given you've been too ill to get out of bed for a fortnight).
That you're angry and talking about refusing them entry is utterly bizarre, and if anything it'll (correctly imo) ramp up scrutiny.

You NEED to check your blood sugars and you need to understand how dangerous GD can be for you and your baby.

Seems to me the midwives are concerned about various excuses you are making as to why you haven't done things. They MAY have been rude, difficult to say, and if they were then that is bad - but you do sound a bit defensive in your posts, and they may have picked up on that when they visited. You don't sound concerned about the GD in your posts, really. And you absolutely SHOULD be.

Edited to add: Refusing to engage, with the midwives, let them into the house, etc. will only end up with more scrutiny of you, not less. Possibly involvement of Social Services too.

I‘m glad they do these checks.

I think it’s good that they came, because IF you were vulnerable they could’ve supported you. So I’m not necessarily anti them showing up, but to be so rude to you in your own home? I’d have shown them the door and told them they’d be more than welcome to return when they find their bedside manner.

This. Op says she is under 4 different teams so there are obviously concerns about her health and the pregnancy, GD is not something to be ignored, yes, the OP told them about the missed appointment , but they are not to know there are other family members there to keep an eye on her, and GD complications can be sudden and life threatening both to the OP and the baby .And , btw, do the other family members know what to look for re GD symptoms?

Be thankful you have a team who are concerned about your health and your baby’s health OP, so many stories about people slipping through the cracks in the NHS, so try to understand why they are concerned for you and accept the support they are offering with better grace.

If you are so unwell that you cannot take 2 minutes to take your BS readings, perhaps you should be in hospital. Not taking them is irresponsible and harmful to you and your baby. You needed to be check upon.

I’m sure they would have contacted social services if you were uncontactable.

I'm assuming they did your blood sugar.

OP you just need a pinprick. Literally a spot of blood. Prick skin then squeeze. The thing your put on it sucks up the blood. I had GD with twins and got veeeeery used to the pricks multiple times a day. Required insulin in the last few weeks too. If you're not controlling the GD out so be making you feel rubbish. What you think is a virus may be GD.

But that won’t be necessary, because missing your appointment was a genuine mistake and a a one off right?

Some midwives just have shitty attitudes one actually argued with me whether it was my 2nd or third baby seriously? I SHOULD FUCKING KNOW apparently my "excuse you?" Response to her telling me NO it's YOUR SECOND pregnancy upset her and she didn't want to deal with me again I had a senior come over to me demanding to know "my side" I said my side is this is my third pregnancy and baby I don't need someone telling me how many times I've done this she stared and walked away

I discharged and went to another hospital

First two pg - MW and HV were professional - next area the culture was incredibly paternalistic - all mother and even fathers were talked down to and frequently dismissed.

A mother I knew who was in late 40s on her 8th successful pg - they sent her home insisting they knew better than her if she was in labour - they just got back to hospital before birth. Many trained or worked in adjacent area caught up in maternity scandal and reports cite dismissing parents/women concerns.

I don't think the house visit itself was a bad idea - and frankly if you're to ill to keep track of appointments then other adults in house should be helping - sound more like their attitude though if you do have or are at risk of gestational diabetes it really is serious and needs monitoring for both your sakes.

Do you have a community MW or consultant or someone on one of the medical teams you get on better with you an have a talk with - about your ongoing care in pg - how it's all being managed?

I’ve done 60 days of daily checks for GD. It’s not that hard YABU

This!

Im not sure why other posters seem to think OP is the one with the problem here.

From your posts you sound unreasonable OP. They are doing their job properly. It can't be nice for them visiting a house where they are made to feel unwelcome. You claim they were rude to you but I wonder if you were rude to them.
Midwives are leaving the profession in droves. They are trying to do their best to keep you and your baby safe. I think you are being very, very unreasonable.

I’d be grateful for their visit - if you were surprised to see them do you think you may have come over as a bit defensive or hostile?

It'll be a safety check to ensure you're OK, missed appts can get Safeguarding flags (esp for baby PN ones). Infections will make your sugar control v poor so they're probably worried on your behalf as poor sugar control has lots of implications for baby. Their manner should have been more friendly but they're only trying to help. Young mums often need increased support needs. Highly suggest you don't pretend your not in in the future as will be a Safeguarding flag. Hope you feel better soon x

Can your partner collect them? Another friend or family member? Could you ask them to post or taxi them out to your house? Order some to delivered from Boots, an online pharmacy, or Amazon?

You are coming across as having lots of excuses about why you can't do your blood sugars, I can see why them stressing to you that it is important came across as a telling off. You seem to see it as optional rather than a priority.

I’m assuming GD is gestational diabetes? Normal type 1 diabetes can go out of control when you’re ill so I assume it’s the same for GD? You’ve been ill for 3 weeks and are struggling to do something anround your care and have missed an appointment. Of course they’ve done an unannounced welfare check. They have offered you an alternative to doing it at home - they’ll do it at hospital. You are not happy with this alternative - what do you want?

The positives are that they clearly do not think you are ill enough to be admitted to hospital. That’s surely good?

If they have been patronising etc go into Care Opinion where you can quickly complain. You can take someone with you to your appointments to advocate for you? Make it clear to your friend/ partner what you want to get out of it and what wishes your worried will be ignored.