They showed up announced?!

[Snowedon]

Heavily pregnant. Missed a midwife appointment a couple of days ago that has been re-booked (just a standard check up at GP) and was meant to start home testing for GD but have been ill with what we think was COVID since Christmas. Been utterly wiped out but tried to do some readings. Failed miserably, communicated all this to the team at the hospital.

I was in bed feeling ill, trying to rest when the door went. It was two midwives. A household member let in confused. I was equally as perplexed since nothing was booked nor mentioned to me. Basically I felt the whole time they were condescending and rude. They spoke to me like a little child telling me off, reminding me of the danger I'm putting my unborn child under, and to remind me and household members to do a "better job of taking care of me". The appointment missed was genuinely the first time I've done something like that and it simply went under my radar since I'm under 4 different teams for different things and appointments are becoming confusing and overwhelming with cancellations and changes. I explained that I had already spoken to the hospital about my troubles with my testing to which they demanded I showed them my phone for "proof". I tried to explain how ill I've been and they belittled it by saying "yes a COLD is going around at the moment" and then kept referring to it as a cold.

Surely they can't do this and need permission first before showing up announced. I would never put my child in harms way, but regardless am I wrong for thinking it's my body and I have a right to not show up/decline things when I want (not saying I am) but regardless. That then doesn't give them the green light to come to my home and bully me surely? I maybe overly sensitive to all of this since I've been ill for 3 long weeks now, really pregnant, but I do feel like as I'm quite young that I've had a major history of being not taken seriously and treated in a patronising manner during this pregnancy. This isn't my first and I know what I am doing. I'm listening and taking things onboard, I am trying. But my god I am getting fed up of this treatment by everyone and it's racking my confidence going forward for birth.

@mumda they haven't saved me from going to them since there was never an appointment made to do so in the first place? Despite being really unwell and unable to leave the house, they are now expecting me to come down to the hospital to get more lancets which I tried to explain I don't feel I can do right now. Did they listen? No.

Now I have them on my case to in.

Yabu

I don't blame them for showing up unannounced to check you and the baby were ok but it does sound like their attitude was uncaring and unsympathetic and more likely, as it indeed has done, to rile you. As hard as it might be try not to let it as that isn't good for you both either.

You said you'd tried to do some readings since Christmas and have failed miserably which I took to mean that you haven't done any proper blood sugar readings in over 2 weeks - is this right? If you're in late pregnancy then this is when it's most important to get your blood sugar managed. Did you ask anyone for a CGM since the readings are causing you so many problems?

Heavily pregnant means they don't care about you. They care about the unborn baby. And that means they want you to be healthy.

Always test out things you say by adding "your honour" to the end and imagine how it'll be in a coroners court.

"Oh course I didn't feel like going and making sure I was well, your honour"
How's that sound?

do you mean unannounced? Not trying to be pedantic, I wouldn't pick up on it if it seemed like it was just a typo in your title but then you specified they turned up announced in your paragraph as well. Whether they told you they were coming or not is pretty key to what you are complaining about.

If they showed up announced (i.e. told you they were coming and then did), I don't see what the issue is?

Maternity care in the UK is optional. Not mandatory. Your "under the radar" bullshit regarding a pregnant woman making decisions for herself over her own body is astounding.

Hi OP, I had GD in my pregnancy and it can be difficult to get the readings at first, but as someone has already said, there is a knack to it. If you haven’t already I strongly recommend joining the GDUK Facebook Group - there is SO much support on there and I promise you will encounter plenty of people with similar concerns as you.

If it is really impossible to get the readings by finger pricking, you can speak to your GP or your GD consultant about getting a continuous glucose monitor installed - they’re not as accurate but can give you an idea at least.

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy - it’s hard!

You said next you might pretend to be out. That's a lie

Honestly , professionals can't win.

@latetothefisting sorry really not feeling good and highly stressed so making stupid errors. They showed up Unannounced.

@ReadingSoManyThreads I thought so too but apparently with they way they are acting and majority of the responses to this thread, clearly choice over your body/pregnancy isn't the case

Nobody needs permission to knock on your front door surely? Gestational diabetes can be really serious if not managed properly so they probably wanted to check you weren’t collapsed at home unable to get help.

If they didn’t come round and something awful happened then everyone would be blaming the NHS for not caring and not keeping you safe.

@wholettheturnipsburn I haven't done that yet. Snowflake's response made it seemed like I've lied already which has triggered this behaviour

@September1013 I was in contact with them this week. They knew I wasn't on the floor.

@Snowedon I can understand why you weren't amused at this unexpected visit and their condescending tone and overstepping behaviour (your phone). Therefore, you should put in a complaint in writing about their behaviour, and state that those two midwives are not to provide any further appointments booked or otherwise (date and time is enough, if you don't have their names), and that in future you will see other midwives instead.

Remind them that maternity care is not mandatory in the UK, and that they are not allowed to use emotional blackmail or coercion in their roles. They have overstepped their professional duties by their behaviour here.

State in writing the contact you have had with the hospital etc. and that you have not been refusing any care. Make it clear that you have simply been unwell with the flu and that the one missed appointment was completely accidental due to illness.

You have to be firm to show that you won't tolerate unprofessional behaviour. In my experience, firm letters/emails asserting your knowledge of your legal birth rights is usually enough to make them get back in their lane.

There is nothing wrong with turning up unannounced the midwives have a responsibility to you and your baby and were concerned enough to visit you.
You have potentially got a high risk pregnancy , have not been taking your blood sugars and then had missed an appointment. They don't know that you are not unwell, depressed or just feckless.
Having visited they should not have been rude or patronising.

You don't think the midwives might have had a bit of an attitude problem too?

I can't abide it when healthcare professionals lecture and scold people as if they were naughty children. YANBU OP.

Does seem quite shocking behaviour from the midwives. Sadly I've experienced some appalling treatment from midwives, so you are not alone. I had a team leader midwife reduce me to tears with her attitude and behaviour - I would have refused to see her again, but fortunately went into labour instead! One of the midwives on the ward was also appalling, clearly hadn't read my notes and reduced me to tears. I discharged myself (as wasn't in full blown labour!)

Pretty sure the other people living in her house would have noticed if she'd died in bed.

Why are people excusing unpleasant behaviour from these two unprofessional midwives? They are breaching all kinds of codes of conduct by what they did and said today to this lady. We've truly been brainwashed in the UK to put up and shut up with shitty healthcare.

@yikesanotherbooboo but that is my point. They did know I was unwell as I stated so in an email to them.

Again, I wouldn't be so angered by this visit if it was them showing concern or offering support. That was far from what happened here. It felt like a telling off and then they very quickly left

This, I found apart from one they talked to me as if I was a bit slow, health visitor did as well but I assumed that was because they are appealing to the lowest common denominator god I mean some of the houses they must go in must be horrendous. My friend as part of her work saw a red book where the hv had written that there were about four adults with the newborn baby in the same room all chain smoking and you could hardly see so she had to point out that it wasn’t a good idea to do that in the same room as the baby. Ffs

I had stitches and the midwife visited me at home and said I don’t suppose I need to tell you to keep that area clean do I. Err no

so it’s not personal op, they don’t know you.

Strikes me that if the midwives were in the area and they felt that professionally they needed to check in on you then they were doing a good job. N excuse for rudeness of course. But turning up unannounced to check on a heavily pregnant woman with gestational diabetes sounds like theyre very much doing their job and bravo them.

Not saying you didn't, but did you greet them in the most polite way? Their behaviour could have been a result of the greeting they received, when they're just being diligent

You will have e flagged on their system due to missed appointment and GD honestly they were doing their job to check that you were both OK. Sometimes when people fall off the radar it's not for innocent reasons and something else is at play. They have a duty of care.

Regarding struggling to get GD readings you used to be able to apply for a free trial for a libre 2 diabetic monitor directly from the website. You put it into your arm and use your phone to scan your readings. You can the upload these to the portal or screen shot them to an email. It's generally only 2 weeks they last but does save a lot of faff with finger testing.

Depends who she lives with. Abusive husband? They just don't know. Yes, it's extreme. But they have to check.
Same as when my son wasn't in school due to EBSA someone came round every week to make sure he was OK. They had a duty of care, just in case I was abusing him. I disliked it at the same time as understanding and accepting why they did it.

And no, that didn't mean they should have been rude/treated her like a child. But them checking up is ultimately a good thing.

I'm under 4 different teams for different things and appointments are becoming confusing and overwhelming

YABU

If you're under the care of 4 separate teams then you aren't experiencing a 'normal' pregnancy and they are doing the right thing checking on you.

If someone is so unwell that they can’t do their own sugars they need to be in hospital.
Can you shower, shite and drink water in the last 3 weeks because then you can do your sugars!!!

GD isn’t a game - you won’t be saying ‘oh it was too much for me’ if something happens to your baby. No doubt you’d be blaming the hospital for not ‘caring’ for you.