They showed up announced?!

[Snowedon]

Heavily pregnant. Missed a midwife appointment a couple of days ago that has been re-booked (just a standard check up at GP) and was meant to start home testing for GD but have been ill with what we think was COVID since Christmas. Been utterly wiped out but tried to do some readings. Failed miserably, communicated all this to the team at the hospital.

I was in bed feeling ill, trying to rest when the door went. It was two midwives. A household member let in confused. I was equally as perplexed since nothing was booked nor mentioned to me. Basically I felt the whole time they were condescending and rude. They spoke to me like a little child telling me off, reminding me of the danger I'm putting my unborn child under, and to remind me and household members to do a "better job of taking care of me". The appointment missed was genuinely the first time I've done something like that and it simply went under my radar since I'm under 4 different teams for different things and appointments are becoming confusing and overwhelming with cancellations and changes. I explained that I had already spoken to the hospital about my troubles with my testing to which they demanded I showed them my phone for "proof". I tried to explain how ill I've been and they belittled it by saying "yes a COLD is going around at the moment" and then kept referring to it as a cold.

Surely they can't do this and need permission first before showing up announced. I would never put my child in harms way, but regardless am I wrong for thinking it's my body and I have a right to not show up/decline things when I want (not saying I am) but regardless. That then doesn't give them the green light to come to my home and bully me surely? I maybe overly sensitive to all of this since I've been ill for 3 long weeks now, really pregnant, but I do feel like as I'm quite young that I've had a major history of being not taken seriously and treated in a patronising manner during this pregnancy. This isn't my first and I know what I am doing. I'm listening and taking things onboard, I am trying. But my god I am getting fed up of this treatment by everyone and it's racking my confidence going forward for birth.

@Snowedon you can get lancets from any pharmacy, they are cheap and come in a box of 100 and would do you for the rest of your pregnancy, you can even order them online for next day delivery. You come off as not taking your GD seriously at all. I can imagine you not enjoying being told the seriousness of that by the midwives.

Op you keep saying you were too unwell to go and get the lancets to do the tests - but surely if that's the case that's an extra reason for them to come to you, and/or to comment that if you have other adults at home they should be helping you more?
Not being well enough to get the lancets doesn't mean the GD test can wait, if anything it means it's more concerning, because your health is already compromised.

By all means complain if their behaviour was condescending, but it sounds like the intention was around welfare of you and the baby.

As a HCP (not midwife) this sums up how frustrating our role can be.
Can you imagine if they had turned up to find you really poorly or something had happened to the baby??
Every single serious case study into horrific incidents points out how individuals are let down, no joined up thinking etc.
So for whatever reason there was an issue raised about you and they've come out to check. You were fine but have acknowledged you missed an appointment and haven't been doing your BM's.
They are now reassured you are well, and you will get your BM's done in a timely manner for yours and your unborn child's health.
Result.

This. Best tell them to jog on if it happens again.

This. If you are unable to test then you need help to do so and you missed the appointment where it could have been done.

This isn't a routine part of pregnancy so there must be a reason why you are deemed high risk? If that risk was identified more than three weeks ago and you haven't even managed a test yet, how do you know your sugars are fine? You can't mess about with this and it would be neglectful if they just assumed you to be fine.

Sounds like you're avoiding them....why???

Literally the same thing happened to me but instead of an unannounced visit they reported me to social services

@Eddy334 I'm not????? How do you even get that impression after I said numerous times I've been in contact with them throughout this past week.

And again, for the hundredth time, the missed appointment was a genuine mistake. Didn't put it in my calender, one appointment out of god knows how many so shoot me, and I was very ill so it really wasn't on my mind.

They didn’t have to be rude though?

If you're too unwell to collect essential equipment for monitoring your health, then either someone you live with should go for you or you should order the equipment online for delivery asap. If you're too unwell to do that and nobody is willing or able to help you, then you should probably call the midwives and ask them to come back out, or call 111, as you might need to be assessed at hospital.

It what way does it sound like that? Did you read the OP? 😂

As someone who is responsible for liaising with health visitors about safe guarding and wellbeing issues, refusing access or support really puts a target on your back. Please don't do that. Put a complaint in, if they upset you but don't refuse access, you'll get hounded.

There are more and more abuses going on from local authorities now all over the place. You are a nurse or a midwife, you are not a god and we don't know how moral or normal or mentall ok you really are in your own mind. Having a position of care is not a welcome call for abusing and bullying pregnant women.

"Surely they can't do this and need permission first before showing up announced. I would never put my child in harms way, but regardless am I wrong for thinking it's my body and I have a right to not show up/decline things when I want (not saying I am) but regardless"

As a disabled woman with memory and organisational problems, yes I have been known to forget about or get medical appointments wrong. Yes it's 100% unintentional, yes it isn't my fault.

However that doesn't mean that it isn't damaging and it doesn't mean that it wouldn't "put my child in harms way". If I had forgotten some urgent pregnancy appointments, it could have put my child in harms way. That's just fact. If the medical professionals responsible for your care feel the appointment you missed was important for your baby's well being, then you HAVE put you child in harms way. If you don't want anyone to be concerned and investigate what's going on TURN UP FOR YOUR APPOINTMENTS!

YABVU to be annoyed by the fact they visited; it is great that they care and have the capacity to check on patients at home.

If they were rude then of course that was U of them and you can complain.

But this isn't joined up thinking - as they appear to be unaware of the op's communication. And I think the main issue is the way she was spoken to. If they had spoken to her kindly and in a supportive manner - the OP might still have been a little put out by the unannounced nature of the visit but probably would be no post.

Honestly. Why the complete pile on!? I had very similar treatment from the midwives when I was pregnant, just bullying dressed up as "concern."
They speak to you as if you're very stupid. They try to push you into things which are not in your best interests. It takes a very assertive person indeed to push back, especially when you're heavily pregnant and feeling ill.
Well done for not losing your temper, OP, and I hope things go well from here on.

@Snowedon
These 'free rights' you refer to, what about the assumed responsibilities? Responsibilities like doing the regular blood tests you were asked to do. You sound only interested in being given endless 'free rights'. Being an adult means taking responsibility for medical issues.
It's like school children banging on about their rights and forgetting about their responsibilities to themselves and others.

Absolutely this.
Put in a complaint OP.
Put a red mark by their name by email a formal complaint.
It might make them think twice next time.
Maybe it wont.
But I find putting pen to paper via emailing a complaints system satisfying.
Then forget about it.
Tell those youblive with never to allow anyone into the house before gaining your permission.

If OP wants advice on her GD there are far more supportive places to post for that

OP posted about these midwives’ attitude. Is there a reason you’re going on about her GD rather than sticking to the subject? It’s telling that even though she’s had two midwives at her home, you think there will be lots of stuff you can tell her to do (in a pretty condescending way, in part) that they must not have. Yet you have nothing to say about the support she received from them.

YABU.

Your pregnancy needs more monitoring now that you've developed GD. You missed an appointment and weren't checking your sugar so your GD is unmonitored.

If you're so unwell you can't go get lancets or have someone else get them, that's a problem.

So you have multiple problems going on. This is a good thing they checked.

OP referred to “free will” and “rights”, not “free rights”. That’s what she has as an adult in a free society. She does not have any responsibility to herself to look after herself that she doesn’t place on herself - it is entirely up to her whether she does so or not and she reaps the consequences of her decision. That is what free will is about. She gets to set her own standard for how well she looks after herself. The extent she’s prepared to put up with inconveniences, pain, or other negative consequences of acting in order to off set risk. That is all her choice. Not yours and not the NHS’s.

Having a family, she may have to live with upsetting her partner (or not) if her choices are out of whack with his values. But that’s something for her to negotiate with him and any fall out a consequence she has to live with. It’s not your choice and it’s not the NHS’s.

@RawBloomers

But seeing as GD can (potentially and rarely) have serious, including fatal, consequences for a pregnant woman or her baby, banging on about free choice rather than taking personal responsibility for her own health and her baby's does seem like a pretty bizarre outlook to have. Perhaps the midwives spoke bluntly about the risks and it did come across as rude. But at least they have given the OP the information to make an informed choice.

Thank you