Was teacher wrong to say this?

[Whyamisopathetic]

Sitting in the staff room today, when one of the teachers came in. I had just opened a Christmas cake and pointed it out to her,
offering her some. Her response was “Urgh no thank you it’s disgusting. Anyway, everyone knows that only old people eat Christmas cake”

I’m the third eldest, out of a staff of thirty. I worked in her class last year, and she was always making digs at my age. She once told the children I’d reached the end of my lifecycle and made reference to me being around when dinosaurs roamed the earth. She’s also made fun of me being small and laughed when she found out the 4x4 was mine. I don’t know why she does this. AIBU to feel upset and embarrassed.

I'm so sorry she's been so unpleasant to you. I really would consider reporting her to your line manager or someone on SLT- she seems to be targeting you. Think what a terrible example she is setting for the kids.

For what it's worth, I would love to have you as my TA- I am also small and love Christmas cake! And I'm only in my thirties!

Wow she is truly horrible. I can‘t believe someone thinks this is actually ok to say to you or in front of children.

I’d definitely put in a complaint. These comments aren’t ok.

Next time ask her if she has to try really hard to be an absolute bitch or if it just comes naturally!
I would also speak to the headteacher about what has been said in the past and I would record any future disparaging remarks. She sounds intolerable, but you don’t have to suffer in silence. Be proactive! Get the bitch in trouble !

Extremely rude. But, also, definitely not appropriate for the workplace. You'd be right to report this. She's being discriminatory and hateful.

How rude. Next time it happens, I would be inclined to say what you have said here. “I can’t decide if you are trying to be funny or offensive.” “Continuously “making jokes” and pointing out someone’s differences is unkind and bullying in the work place and I would like it to stop”

The cake thing in isolation just makes her sound a bit ill educated and would merit a comment along the lines of “words have meanings, Susan. It isn’t disgusting, it’s just not to your taste”. But the classroom “dinosaurs” thing isn’t nice at all. It would be one thing if she’d said it to apply to both of you (ie to distinguish you from the kids), but - as you’ve described it - it does sound unkind and on the verge of bullying.

@Hankunamatata

When she told the class I was at the end of my life cycle and kept busting into fits of laughter when I wore my glasses, I did tell her she’d upset me and made me self conscious and she stopped. However shd had now started bringing up my glasses in front of new staff and repeating his hilarious it was.

Make a complaint about her. She is very rude and a bully

If you don't want to do that, then repeat everything back to her as a question...

• you really think only old people eat Christmas cake?
• you really think I was alive when dinosaurs were on earth?
• you really think I'm very old?
• you really think .....etc

You could even add, at the end of each question "remind me where you got your MA/PhD"

Obviously always smiling and happy when you're questioning her, with a kind voices that no offence can possibly be intended

Do not comment on people's food

Ever

Either fight fire with fire and start taking the piss out of her, at every opportunity

Or

Tell HR

She seems very nasty. One of those people who put you down under the guise of 'joking'.

And Christmas cake is lovely!

It's very weird that thinks a person being small and older than her is funny. Is she not all there?

She sounds like she's threatened by you. She must be incredibly insecure and shallow, how sad for her.

However shd had now started bringing up my glasses in front of new staff and repeating his hilarious it was.

Ask her why wearing glasses is funny. She wouldn't mock someone who needed a stick to walk with so why pick on someone who needs assistance to see? Ask how this aligns with the school's values and ethos.

She sounds like a pain in the arse.

She's a nasty piece of work. She's a bully and you should report her.

This is bullying. In my school it would be taken very seriously indeed.

Report to SLT and/or HR.

This is not just rude it is utterly unacceptable.

Only old people eat Christmas cake? What a ridiculous comment. And YANBU,she sounds extremely rude!

I would go with a response of
"Was that a joke? I didn't understand it? Could you explain why it was funny please?"

Said in a completely serious way, with curiosity and maintaining eye contact. And keep on asking just why it was funny when she tries to gaslight you in reply

Age is a protected characteristic by law, like race, religion, sexual orientation… It’s not ok to be exposing you or the children to this kind of discrimination, OP. Heaven knows why she thinks it’s appropriate to behave like this in the workplace.

She's an ass

"Fuck off, Darlene. Don’t be a dick"

This is ageist and bullying and would not be tolerated in any decent workplace. Schools are somewhat of a law unto themselves.

As a one off it's rude. But as a pattern of comments it's ageism. Age is a protected characteristic and if you wrote down the other instances of her making ageist remarks and made a complaint the SLT would have to address this.

I am a head. You need to raise a grievance for bullying.

Contact your HR department on Monday and start the process.