Was teacher wrong to say this?

[Whyamisopathetic]

Sitting in the staff room today, when one of the teachers came in. I had just opened a Christmas cake and pointed it out to her,
offering her some. Her response was “Urgh no thank you it’s disgusting. Anyway, everyone knows that only old people eat Christmas cake”

I’m the third eldest, out of a staff of thirty. I worked in her class last year, and she was always making digs at my age. She once told the children I’d reached the end of my lifecycle and made reference to me being around when dinosaurs roamed the earth. She’s also made fun of me being small and laughed when she found out the 4x4 was mine. I don’t know why she does this. AIBU to feel upset and embarrassed.

Ageism is a form of discrimination in the workplace. Please make a formal complaint and if the head teacher won’t do anything about it complain to the chair of the governors. Can you imagine them ignoring any other form of discrimination?

Head teacher here. I would want to know if this was one of my members of staff. Ageism is real and will not be tolerated.

Ask her if she thinks it's funny as you don't think her remarks are to be laughed at.

She's literally bullying you.

Start treating her like a child.
Tell her ‘careful’ a lot,
if she picks up a pair of scissors say ‘don’t run with those, it’s dangerous’,
patronise her, assume she doesn’t know anything,
ask her if she picks out her own outfits,
Just really the age difference home until she never wants to bring it up again.

If you feel you can, I would approach her while she’s on her own maybe doing prep at the end of the day. Id just tell her that while you appreciate that it’s great to have fun at work but a lot of her jokes and her comments are based on making fun of you.
And this sets a bad example for the children and it is deeply upsetting to you that you don’t want to report to management you’d rather deal with it face-to-face with her but you will not tolerate any repetition.

This is bullying behaviour that needs addressing. Age is also a protected characteristic. Imagine making homophobic comments of a similar ilk and it not being reported or addressed
Let their line manager know and the Head. Ask to read the school’s bullying and harassment policy so you can decide what to do. Speak to your line manager too.

The next time she's rude tell her not to be so pass-remarkable. The time after that, tell her to fuck off.

This is awful. Ageist bullying

So unfortunately there are some people who can really detect those of us who (for whatever reason) are not likely to stick up for ourselves and are likely to internalise the shit that’s thrown at us.
These will pick on ANYTHING about the other person to mock to gain a feeling of superiority; to feel better than; to feel in control; to feel powerful.
You need to (and I know it’s bloody hard) show her you are not to be messed with; show her that you have boundaries which must not be crossed. It’s really hard to do when it doesn’t come naturally and when you are someone who is sensitive and may doubt yourself.

You are not unreasonable to feel upset but you are unreasonable to feel embarrassed. She should be feeling embarrassed about her daft theories. Everyone eats Christmas cake provided they like the taste and are not on a diet!

She sounds very rude. I worked with colleagues whose mother was my age, but they didn't make an issue out of it.
You can either- ignore
Laugh
Get in first - 'Well, back in the 19th century we did....'

Some day she will need your experience, just wait xx

I work in HR and you are in no way being unreasonable! Her behaviour towards you is unacceptable and the topics she is discussing with students highly unprofessional.

Speak to your line manager in the first instance or if you don’t feel comfortable then go direct to your HR team. Tell them about how she has behaved and explain it makes you feel uncomfortable.

Also just because a SLT appears to think someone is amazing outwardly doesn’t mean they actually do, if as you’ve said she enjoys an audience then I’d imagine this behaviour will have already been noticed.

You are entitled to work without the worry of harassment and your employer has an obligation to address and prevent it.

For Petes sake stand up for yourself. Why are there so many weak people who allow themselves to be walked over. You know what you have to do.

That makes it even more shocking that no one has called her out for it! At least if you report you’ll have corroboration- as long as you by audience you don’t mean the children of course!

Join a union-unison isn't much per year and provided good advice and support. You can join online.

Download the school's whistle blowing policy from the website-they have to publish it. Once you've read what you need to do, follow the policy to the letter.

So this happened today.

I walk into the staff room this morning (about six people in there) and start doing my usual of putting phone on silent, making a drink etc. I’d put my bag on the table and realised I’d forgotten to put my perfume on, so get it out of my bag to spray it. She’s there at the sink, turns around and says “Omg! It’s not even a sample, and it’s a huge bottle (Jo Malone) because you’re so rich” She comes to smell it and says it’s lovely. I say “Well it did take 18 months to get, from vouchers for Christmas, birthdays, Mothers Day.

Then at tonight’s meeting she asks if her head is blocking my view. I reply “No! I can see right through it thank you”

The temporary head starts a topic with “At our age…” He’s then interrupted by the deputy head who says “Er…sorry…did you say at our age? I hope you are not putting yourself in the same age bracket as the majority here” Temporary head is 40 and majority of staff 25-35.

So my point is, everyone is ageist, staff, kids, SLT…absolutely everyone.

I think there's an ageist culture in general - you see it frequently here. I'm 61 and I often feel invisible and irrelevant, yet I'm still the same person I always was.

If that's the culture in the school, then it is going to be difficult to confront. However my 27 year old is a teacher and the kids treat them sometimes as if they're ancient too!

Make a note of all these comments and raise them! I wouldn't worry so much about the kids - you just need some smart repartee to lob back at them - but when grown adults as treating you as lesser because of your age, you don't have to accept that!

And she was a total female dog to say that about the perfume. She knows how shit TAs pay is!!!

Yep! I mean she was just pouring herself a bowl of Aldi’s Harvest Moon so I should have said “Aw Harvest Moon…bless! You’re so obviously poor” Can you actually imagine if I’d said that?

Maybe that's the kind of thing you do need to start to say! Fight fire with fire! x

So the deputy head is angry because he didn’t get the job as acting temporary head and then has a go at her.
Stop telling us what you should’ve said it’ll just carry on and on the whole atmosphere is toxic

This is a good point , you could actually say something along the lines of 'oh I think you should book on to a dignity at work refresher' in response to her next comment (not smiling just completely emotionless and then look away) .

This. But if that doesn’t get the message across which I suspect it won’t , the next time she says something, ask if you can have a private chat straight after she has said something and tell her that you are not ok with the digs she makes about your age, your appearance and her perception of your wealth. That her comments are inappropriate and disrespectful and you’d like her to stop. If she says it’s a joke, you tell her it’s not funny. A one off comment may be a joke but multiple comments is not and you are no not finding it funny. Then if it happens after you have had a word, you need to report it.

if you do not do that now, you are enabling this behaviour and it will be harder to call it out when it’s been going on for so long.

This, and if it doesn't work then make a formal complaint